


Butterfly Culture

by youngfolly



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Flashbacks, Plot Twist, Slow Burn, non-au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 59,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8614411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngfolly/pseuds/youngfolly
Summary: Butterfly culture is the idea that all beautiful things are fleeting. Unfortunately, it's a concept that Lauren Jauregui and Camila Cabello know all too well. Two years after Fifth Harmony's infamous break up, Camila shows up at Lauren's doorstep with an insane proposition. That night, Lauren makes a decision that will change the course of their lives forever.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I am also posting this story on wattpad under the username 'youngfolly'

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Lullabies by Yuna_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3baQwUrTxzE)

 

Steam poured from the bathroom as Lauren emerged wearing a small white towel. As she walked down the hallway a rush of cool air danced across her damp skin and she shivered. Management had booked all five girls their own suite tonight and she was ecstatic. With all of the tension and drama going on, the five of them could definitely use the space.

Humming softly to herself, Lauren made her way towards the bedroom. As she rounded the corner she let out a surprised gasp and jumped, the action nearly making her towel drop.

"Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!" She placed a hand over her thumping heart, "How did you get in here?" 

"I told the lady at the front desk that I lost my key." Dinah shrugged, laying back on the bed. 

Rolling her eyes, Lauren repositioned her towel and walked over. She let out a dramatic sigh before plopping down at the foot of the mattress, "Do I even want to know what you're doing in my room?"

"Camila and Shawn are performing on the Late Late Show tonight, I thought we could watch it together." Dinah answered, rolling onto her side with a frown, "I asked Normani and Ally if they wanted to, but they said they'd rather set their hair on fire."

Lauren raised a concerned eyebrow before running a hand through her damp hair. The last thing she wanted to do was watch Camila promote her new single with Shawn. Unfortunately, her reasoning had to remain a secret and so she sighed, "I'll watch it with you, just let me put some pajamas on first."

The room fell silent as Lauren walked over to her suitcase and pulled out a few items. They were leaving for Mexico tomorrow and she had been looking forward to going to bed early. The last few weeks had been extremely long and draining. Camila's duet with Shawn was causing a lot of tension, which was beginning to take a toll on the group. 

Like always, Lauren had been forced to play the role of peace keeper, trying to stay positive and neutral through it all. Quite frankly it was exhausting.

"You don't have to watch." Dinah spoke quietly, pulling Lauren away from her thoughts. "I know things have been weird between you and Camila lately. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to avoid her."

"What do you mean?" Lauren gave a confused frown. A short silence filled the room as she tried to determine what her friend could have meant by the comment.

"Never mind." Dinah shook her head and gave a small smile. Lauren watched as the girl tied her blonde hair into a loose ponytail and buried herself beneath the blankets. "Go get changed, I'll find the right channel." 

Shrugging off the comment, Lauren turned and made her way to the bathroom. After a few minutes she reappeared wearing a worn out Beatles t-shirt and black sweats. Letting out a quiet sigh, she walked over to the bed and pulled back the comforter. 

"Scoot over." She instructed, crawling under the blankets and snuggling close. Dinah let out an annoyed huff but obliged, wrapping an arm around Lauren's shoulder.

"We missed the performance but we can still watch the interview." Dinah gestured to the TV and Lauren took the opportunity to rest her head on the younger girl's chest. Once she was comfortable she took a deep breath and prepared herself for the next few minutes. 

_"Now Camila, the last time you were here you were with Fifth Harmony and you did an incredible performance, it was absolutely brilliant. What's happening with you guys right now, what are you doing?"_

_"Well, I just got back from rehearsals because were going to go to Mexico tomorrow, which is really exciting." Camila offered the host a warm smile, "And we're also working on our second album, '5H2', so it's going to be really fun. I feel like the people will get to hear a side of us they've never really heard before."_

"This is ridiculous," Dinah mumbled under her breath. "I can't believe she's doing talk shows without us."

Lauren nodded quietly in response, a lump forming in her throat. Camila looked beautiful in her black and blue dress, her body pressed tightly against Shawn's side. The sight made her chest a little tight and she bit down on the inside of her cheek. 

_"We're going to answer some fan questions now." The host instructed energetically, "The first one is from 'unicornlvke', they want to know, what is your biggest fashion regret of all time? Mendes, hit me."_

_A brief silence followed before Shawn smirked, "I always look good." He sassed, making the audience break out into amused laughter._

The lame comment also earned an adorable giggle from Camila, which made Lauren roll her eyes. Watching Camila flirt with Shawn was frustrating, but knowing that this stupid duet could lead to Fifth Harmony's break up was much worse. 

"Seriously?" Dinah let out an annoyed huff, "I don't know why, but that kid drives me crazy. Something about his smile creeps me out."

"Tell me about it." Lauren mumbled, wishing that she could change the channel. 

As she shifted a little closer to Dinah, she tried to reign in some of her frustration. There was no reason to get all worked up over the situation. It wasn't like Camila was choosing Shawn over the group, she was just taking advantage of a great opportunity. 

_"Okay." The host laughed, moving the interview along. "This next one is from 'mendeshearted' and they want to know...are you two dating?"_

_Shawn and Camila shared a quick look as the crowd cheered expectantly. "Well..." Camila dragged out, her eyes dropping to Shawn's mouth before bouncing back up to his eyes. "No."_

_"Okay, so you're saying no." The host smirked, "But to be honest, I don't believe you."_

_"We're really not." Camila insisted, removing her hand from Shawn's shoulder._

_The audience laughed as the host joked, "There's no way you two haven't made out."_

Lauren let out a small cough and shifted away from Dinah, "I think I'm going to get some water." She blurted, climbing out of bed. 

"Get me some too." Dinah requested without taking her eyes off of the TV. 

"Ya, sure." Lauren cleared her throat, leaving the room. 

The carpet was soft against her bare feet as she made her way through the hotel suite. When she got to the kitchen she retrieved two bottles of water from the fridge and leaned back against the counter. Lifting one of the bottles up to her forehead, she pressed the cool plastic to her heated skin and sighed. She felt like a loser for bolting, but there was no way she could have handled another second of the shameless flirting. 

Lauren and Camila's relationship was complicated. They were best friends who shared everything from clothes to greatest fears. Their connection was indescribable but sometimes it felt like there was something more going on. Sometimes the lingering touches and tender stares made Lauren's heart tumble within her chest. 

Still, there was an unspoken rule between them that the sparks could never turn into flames. They pretended that the pulsing energy that constantly surrounded them was normal... but it wasn't. 

After a few minutes Lauren took a deep breath and pushed off the counter. She had to stop overanalyzing everything. Maybe Camila was only putting on a show for the camera, maybe she and Shawn were only friends. 

"You missed the best part." Dinah looked up as Lauren reentered the bedroom. Throwing the covers off of her body, the younger girl stood and let out a tired yawn. "It got so awkward. Shawn was talking about how Camila is always rejecting him, and Camila looked like she was about to die from embarrassment."

"Too bad," Lauren let out a sarcastic huff. She crossed the room and handed Dinah her water, "You know how much I love to watch people embarrass themselves."

They shared a short laugh before Dinah sighed, "I better get back to my room. We have to get up super early for the flight tomorrow."

"Ugh, don't remind me." Lauren whined, flopping down face first on the bed. Rolling over, she opened her arms expectantly and pouted.

Dinah rolled her eyes but smiled, walking over to give the brunette a goodnight hug. "Night loser." 

"Night." Lauren grinned. 

They held onto each other for a few moments before Dinah pulled away and said, "Thanks for watching, even though I know you didn't want to."

"That's what friends are for."

The two of them had never talked about the weird relationship Lauren had with Camila, but sometimes it felt like Dinah knew. She was always alluding to it with vague comments and understanding looks. Thankfully, she'd never asked about the relationship directly. Lauren wasn't sure she'd be able to give an answer, she didn't even understand what was going on herself. 

"See you tomorrow." Dinah smiled. 

Before leaving the room she glanced over her shoulder and added, "If you see Camila tonight, tell her I think she's annoying for doing talk shows without us."

The comment left Lauren reeling. She opened her mouth to respond, but by the time she'd recovered enough to speak, Dinah was already gone. 

* * *

 

A knock at the hotel door pulled Lauren from her slumber. Glancing over at the night stand, she saw that it was almost 3 o'clock in the morning and let out a tired groan. There was no way she was getting out of bed, whoever was at the door was shit out of luck. 

Closing her eyes, she willed herself to go back to sleep.

When her phone buzzed with an incoming text she knew exactly who was at the door. Releasing an annoyed huff, she turned over and grabbed the stupid device. Her pupils screamed in protest as the blinding light shone out into the darkness. 

**Camila (2:58am): I'm at your door, come let me in.**

After turning down her brightness, Lauren squinted at the screen and replied.

**L: Can't. Too tired.**

**C: I promise it will be worth it.**

**L: Go get a key from the front desk.**

**C: Seriously  -_-**

**L: Yes, seriously**.

Lauren set her phone back down on the night stand and buried her face into the pillows. They had to be at the airport in three hours, she needed her sleep. If Dinah could get into her room without help then so could Camila.

Several moments later, just as Lauren was about to drift off to sleep, she heard the hotel door click open. Letting out a whiny groan she sat up and turned on the lamp.

She could hear Camila's small feet padding throughout the suite and knew it was only a matter of time until the girl found the bedroom. Flopping down on her back, she threw an elbow over her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

"You're the worst, you know that." Camila's velvety voice filled the room, making Lauren's heart beat a little faster. 

"It's three o'clock in the morning." 

The bed dipped a little and Lauren sat up. Camila was wearing the dress from the talk show and her eyes were shining with amusement. 

"I know, I'm exhausted." Camila grinned, leaning down to remove her heels. Once the shoes were gone she crawled into bed next to Lauren and slipped underneath the covers. 

"Go ahead," Lauren glared, watching the brunette get comfortable, "make yourself at home."

"Don't mind if I do." Camila smirked from her side, looking up expectantly. 

Despite her best efforts, a small smile broke past Lauren's lips and she rolled her eyes. Slipping under the covers, she turned to face Camila. Like usual, the girl reached out and intertwined their fingers, letting their joined hands come to rest between them. 

Lauren watched as Camila let out a content sigh and closed her eyes. She looked beautiful but exhausted. Now that they were closer, Lauren could see the bags under her eyes. Reaching out, she ran a finger over the soft skin and gave a tender smile. 

"You looked really pretty tonight." She spoke after a few moments, continuing to trace random lines over Camila's face with her free hand.

"You watched?" The girl opened her eyes, a look of surprise drawing her eyebrows together.

Lauren let out a quiet laugh, dropping her hand so that it rested lightly on Camila's hip over the blankets. "Why do you looked so shocked?"

There was a brief silence as Camila glanced down at their interwoven fingers. A sad frown tugged at her lips and Lauren sat up. "Hey, what's wrong?" She shifted, looking down at the smaller brunette.

Camila let out a soft breath and rolled onto her back. "Nothing. I just feel really bad, I know that you guys probably hate me for doing this duet."

"We don't hate you Camz." Lauren insisted, reaching down to tuck a stray lock of hair behind the girl's ear. "It just caught us off guard. You should have said something about it sooner."

"I know," Camila sat up, running a hand through her thick hair. "And you don't have to lie, I know that Normani and Ally are really upset. Hell, Normani won't even look at me anymore."

Lauren didn't know what to say. The truth was that they were all upset with Camila. It wasn't cool to find out your bandmate was off doing solo stuff without consulting you first. If Lauren wasn't so smitten, she would probably be just as angry as Normani.

"What did you think was going to happen?" Lauren asked, watching as Camila nibbled anxiously on her lower lip. 

"I don't know." The smaller brunette whined, throwing back the covers. She got to her feet and began pacing at the foot of the bed. "I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Ya well..." Lauren trailed off. She and Camila had always been honest with each other, and that was something she'd really come to value over the years. Even though it was hard to be vulnerable, Lauren loved that she could count on their conversations to be real.

"Well what?" Camila stopped pacing to glance over. She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned, looking more adorable than intimidating.

"I know that you didn't mean to hurt people," Lauren bit at the inside of her cheek before continuing, "but you did. It wasn't fair that you waited so long to tell us, and honestly I don't blame Normani for being so upset."

Lauren cringed a little as a look of betrayal came to rest on Camila's features. "What the hell Lauren?" The girl huffed, walking over to the far corner of the room. She sat down on one of the love seats, tucking her legs beneath her. 

She looked so tiny and fragile, Lauren couldn't help but get up and walk over. Plopping down next to the brunette she waited for Camila to meet her eyes before speaking, "What do you want me to say? I thought you liked me being honest with you."

"I do." Camila let out a frustrated breath before lowering her tone, "Just not when it hurts my feelings."

A tiny piece of Lauren's heart broke at the words and she reached out to pull Camila in close. Wrapping her arms around the girl's back, she rested her chin on Camila's head and sighed. "I'm sorry. You're my best friend and it kills me to see you sad."

After a few moments Camila pulled away and offered a weak smile, "You're way too good to me." She shook her head before glancing down at her lap. 

"I know." Lauren smirked, trying to lighten the mood. Reaching down she grabbed onto Camila's hand and stood. "Now come to bed, I promise to make it up to you." She teased, raising a suggestive eyebrow. 

"Stop." Camila blushed, slapping playfully at Lauren's arm.

As the two walked over to the bed, Lauren tried to ignore the loud thumping of her heart. They were just a couple of friends sharing a mattress, no big deal. 

"Can I borrow some clothes?" Camila asked, already starting to unzip her dress. 

"Ya, sure." Lauren swallowed. Walking over to her suitcase she rummaged through her stuff before pulling out a pair of boy shorts and her favorite 'The 1975' t-shirt. "This is all I have."

"That's perfect." Camila grinned, her soft fingers brushing against Lauren's as she grabbed for the items. 

It wasn't until Camila was back in bed that Lauren realized she'd never given the girl a bra or underwear. The thought made her head spin and she sucked in a breath. Reaching up to shut off the lamp, Lauren did her best to ignore the butterflies running rampant in her stomach.

"Big spoon or little spoon?" She heard Camila whisper into the darkness.

The raspy tone of her voice made Lauren's brain swell and she struggled to speak. "I'll be little spoon." She finally stuttered after a few moments.

As Camila scooted closer, pressing her front to Lauren's back, a quiet sigh fell from her lips. She reached up to move the hair away from Lauren's neck, then buried her face against the sensitive skin. "You smell nice." She mumbled, sending a chill down Lauren's spine.

The silence that blanketed them was warm and easy, making it hard for Lauren to break it. "You would tell me if something was going on between you and Shawn, right?" She asked quietly, biting down on her lip. 

After what felt like hours of waiting, Camila nuzzled her neck and sighed, "Of course I would tell you. I promise."

Maybe it was the suspiciously long pause... or perhaps the sadness in the girl's usually bright tone. But for the first time in their friendship, Lauren had a feeling that Camila was lying. 

Looking back, that should have been the moment Lauren bailed. She should have closed her heart off right then and there.

Camila didn't deserve Lauren's love and that was about to become painfully evident.

* * *

 

"What the hell!?" Lauren stormed past Camila, not bothering to explain her abrupt appearance.

"Well, hello to you too." Camila huffed, closing the hotel door. She turned around with a glare and Lauren noticed the extra makeup and nice dress. She was probably getting ready for a date, a thought that only managed to enrage Lauren further.

"Care to explain?" Lauren shoved a magazine up against Camila's chest and watched as the girl scanned the page. 

A look of recognition passed over Camila's features and she swallowed, "I was going to tell you, I swear." She blurted, a desperate look in her brown eyes.

"Of course you were," Lauren let out a dark laugh, "but was that before or after you left the group to write an album with Shawn."

"It's not like that." Camila rolled her eyes with a huff before walking past Lauren. She took a deep breath and sat down on the bed, looking scared and guilty.

Three months had passed since Camila's appearance on the Late Late Show and things were a mess. As Camila and Shawn continued to promote their song, the tension and fighting amongst the group had reached an all time high. Little by little Camila had distanced herself from everyone, especially Lauren. 

They hadn't spoken in weeks, leading Lauren to believe she'd done something wrong. It wasn't until she'd been flipping through a gossip magazine that she noticed an interview with Camila and Shawn; the two were gushing about their excitement over a new project. After a few phone calls, Lauren had discovered that they had an EP in the works. The real kicker was that it was set to be released the same week as Fifth Harmony's next album.

"You're a fucking liar." Lauren hissed, finally allowing her built up frustration to spill out. The last few months had been a living hell for her, and Camila was too preoccupied with Shawn to notice. 

"What's the matter with you?" Camila shook her head, standing up from the bed. "You act like I've done something horrible."

"Because you have!" Lauren yelled, "You're tearing the group to pieces and you don't even care! Maybe if you'd hop off Shawn's dick for two seconds you'd notice that everything is falling apart."

"Shawn has nothing to do with this." Camila glared, walking over to pick up her heels. A tense silence filled the room as she strapped the shoes on and stood.

"Where are you going?" Lauren spoke harshly, her eyes tracking Camila's every move. 

"None of your business."

The comment angered Lauren beyond belief. She knew exactly were Camila was going, because she'd seen Shawn's limo parked outside. 

This time as Lauren spoke there was no venom in her tone, only disappointment. "You're dating him aren't you?"

Camila ran a hand through her hair and sighed, "Yes." She answered after several seconds, "Happy now?"

"Fuck you, Camila." Lauren breathed out. 

Her heart felt like a ten pound weight in her chest and she wanted to cry. This wasn't how her friendship with Camila was supposed to work. They were supposed to be honest with each other and no boy was ever supposed to come between them. 

Turning to leave, Lauren felt a hot tear crash against her cheek. "I hope he's worth it, because you just lost your best friend."

* * *

 

Sweat dripped from Lauren's brow and she reached up to wipe it away with her forearm. It was her second day at home and she was trying to beat away her frustration in kickboxing class. The last six months had been a nightmare and she couldn't have been more grateful for a break.

After everyone else found out about Camila's EP with Shawn, they were furious. The discovery marked the beginning of the end for Fifth Harmony. The five of them had tried everything to fix the damage, including counseling, but nothing worked. 

Lauren would never forget the horrible twisting in her gut after they had all decided to make their next album the last. Friendships she thought would last a lifetime, crumbled to pieces in a matter of weeks and she'd hated every second of it.

Through it all, the only thing Lauren hated more than the group's split was Camila. She hated how easy it was for the girl to let their friendship go. Most of all, she hated that Camila had broken her heart. 

"Alright everyone! Good work today, see you all next week!" The instructor spoke up, announcing the end of the class. 

Lauren had been so preoccupied in her thoughts she must have spaced out. Taking in a deep breath she walked across the room and gathered up her water bottle and towel. After drying off her sweaty neck and face she made her way to the locker room. 

Anytime Lauren had more than a few minutes by herself it was guaranteed waterworks. She'd usually end up crying herself to sleep or something ridiculous, and so she did her best to avoid being alone. Working out proved to be the most healthy form of avoidance, and Lauren was taking full advantage. But it wasn't all bad, she was starting to get a killer set of abs and her cardio was off the charts. 

After showering and throwing on a fresh pair of clothes, Lauren drove back to her apartment in downtown Miami. As she pulled up to the complex she shut her car off and checked her reflection in the rearview mirror. Her face was flushed and she wasn't wearing makeup, but she looked refreshed. Running a finger over her thick eyebrow, she tamed the dark hair before moving to open her door.

As she stepped out of the car she was blasted by the Miami heat. In a matter of seconds her hair was damp and a thin line of sweat had appeared on her back. Walking up the steps to her apartment, she was startled when someone called out her name.

"Hey!" 

The raspy, feminine tone was undeniable and Lauren froze. She contemplated the idea of sprinting in the other direction but instead turned around and offered a forced smile. "Camila, what are you doing here?"

"I was just in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by." The girl teased, letting out an insecure laugh.

The last time Lauren had seen Camila was during the recording process, which had been a couple of weeks ago. They were all just waiting for the album to be processed so they could release the damn thing and be done with each other. 

"I'm not in the mood, Camila." Lauren frowned, turning to walk up the stairs to her apartment.

"I came to apologize," The brunette hurried after her. When Lauren made it clear she wasn't interested, Camila whined, "Come on, at least give me a chance."

"Seriously?" Lauren scoffed as they reached her place. Digging into the pocket of her jeans she pulled out her keys and moved to unlock the door. "I think you're forgetting all of the shitty things you did to me over the last six months."

"I'm not." Camila breathed out, following Lauren inside. "I feel horrible about the way I treated you and I've come to make amends."

The comment did little to change Lauren's mindset. She knew there had to be some other reason the girl was at her apartment. 

Walking into the kitchen she retrieved a glass from her cupboard and filled it with water. She didn't have to look back to see that Camila had followed, she could feel the brunette's eyes burning holes in her back of her head. 

After gulping down the cool liquid Lauren placed the cup in the sink and made her way into the living room. If she had to, she would ignore Camila until the girl got the hint and went home.

Plopping down onto the couch, Lauren reached for the remote and turned on the TV. An old episode of Friends was playing and she decided to keep the channel in place. Even though she could still feel Camila's eyes burning holes in her skin, she did her best to ignore the sensation.

"Could you please just look at me?" Camila whispered, her broken tone drawing Lauren's attention.

The girl looked smaller than ever before as she stood with her arms hugged tightly around her waist. She was biting anxiously on her bottom lip and there were tears brimming behind her chocolate eyes.

"For fucks sake." Lauren groaned, running a hand through her hair. When she glanced back over, the girl looked positively broken. "Come over here and sit down." She finally sighed, gesturing to a spot on the couch.

Camila nodded somberly before moving in Lauren's direction. "Thank you." 

After a few seconds of studying the sad brunette Lauren asked, "Why are you really here?" 

"Shawn and I had a fight." Camila mumbled almost inaudibly under her breath. "And I don't have any other friends, I've basically burned every bridge in my life."

"So what," Lauren huffed, "you thought that you could come here and I would welcome you with open arms?"

"Yes." Camila glanced up, finally meeting Lauren's eyes. "You've always been so good to me."

The comment enraged Lauren and she stood up from the couch in one quick motion. Taking in a deep breath she tried to calm her fiery temper, but it was hopeless. "Get the fuck out of my apartment, Camila." 

The words seemed to slap the brunette in the face, making her jump back in surprise. "Please, I need you." Camila let the first tear fall and after that they came in waves. 

"You can't do this." Lauren half shouted, stalking over to the TV before turning back around to face Camila. "You can't come here and make me feel like shit for protecting myself. You broke my heart into a million pieces and never showed any kind of remorse!"

"I never meant to hurt you Lauren!" Camila stood up, wiping her runny nose on her sleeve. "The last few months haven't been easy on me either."

"My god, do you even hear yourself? I tell you that you broke my heart, and somehow you find a way to make it about you. You're selfish and cruel Camila, you don't deserve my time and you sure as hell don't deserve my friendship." 

As the words left Lauren's mouth she cringed. She'd meant every word, but regretted the harsh manor in which she'd expressed them.

"I'm sorry," Camila was full on sobbing now, "If you really hate me so much, then I'll go." She turned, practically sprinting to the door. 

Lauren didn't bother chasing her, it was a lost cause and she knew that. Maybe now she could finally get over the beautiful brunette. Maybe this fight was the closure she needed to move on once and for all. 

Letting out a defeated sigh, Lauren shook her head. There would never be a time when she was completely over Camila. No matter what she wanted to tell herself, deep down she knew that when push came to shove, she would do anything for her best friend. 

The love she had for for Camila ran too deep, and because of that Lauren knew this wasn't where their story ended. Not even close.


	2. The Proposition

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Honest by The Neighbourhood_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXjt5WFPgc)

 

**_(Two Years Later)_ **

The bar was packed, making it difficult for Lauren to weave through the endless sea of people. She was there to meet Dinah and Normani for drinks as a celebration of Dinah's 21st birthday. It was August, so they were a little late, but after Fifth Harmony's break up all five girls had gone their separate ways. The only reason Lauren was getting to see them tonight was because the two girls had made a special trip to Florida so that Dinah could go to Disney World. 

Shuffling through the crowd, Lauren beamed when she saw her two friends sitting at a booth in the far corner. They were shoulder to shoulder and Dinah was whispering something in Normani's ear that made them both burst out into loud laughter.

"What's so funny?" Lauren walked up, smirking when they saw her and squealed in delight.

"Oh my gosh!" Normani hurried to shuffle out of the booth. She crashed into Lauren with a violent hug, nearly knocking them both to the ground, "I've missed you so much!" 

"Same," Lauren giggled, smiling into the girl's dark, shoulder length hair. 

They swayed back and forth for several seconds before Dinah huffed, "Get out of here." She pushed Normani off so she could engulf Lauren in a bone crushing hug. 

"Don't be rude." Normani glared, reaching down to pinch Dinah on the butt. 

"You guys are ridiculous," Lauren shook her head in amusement, watching as the two girls bantered playfully. "I've missed this," She pouted before slipping into the booth.

Lauren sat alone while Dinah and Normani squeezed together on the other side of the table. She observed the two girls curiously, taking note of the way they practically sat on each other's lap. Back in the day the two had basically flirted nonstop, but tonight it felt different. There was an energy between them that just wasn't there during the Fifth Harmony days. 

Before Lauren could come to any conclusions a waitress appeared and took everyone's drink order. When she asked for ID, Dinah reached into her pocket and smugly flashed her license. They had all done their fair share of partying while they were younger, but it seemed Dinah was always the one getting caught. Lauren would never forget the night she had been kicked out of two clubs in London, now that was hilarious. 

Laughing off the memory, Lauren leaned forward to slip her ID back in her pocket and asked, "How was Disney World?" 

"Amazing!" Dinah's eyes widened in excitement, "We got to see Princess Moana! She was so beautiful, and the lady wearing the costume was actually Tongan! We had the most amazing talk ever about family and culture... it was the best birthday of my life, hands down." She finished, looking over at Normani with an affectionate smile. 

"That sounds so awesome, I'm sorry I couldn't go." Lauren pouted, leaning back in the booth as the waitress returned with their drinks.

Dinah waved the apology away, "Don't worry about it. I'm just happy we get to see you, it's been forever."

"Seriously," Normani agreed, taking a sip of her fruity beverage. After setting the drink down, her hand disappeared underneath the table and she asked, "Have you talked to Ally lately?" 

"Not really," Lauren sighed, "But I bought her new album. It's the most amazing thing I've ever heard, and I don't even like gospel music."

The three shared a short laugh before falling into a comfortable silence. Lauren knew it was only a matter of time before they asked about Camila. There really wasn't much to share since the two had only spoken a handful of times since the group's breakup, but Dinah and Normani didn't know all of the details of their complicated past, and Lauren wanted it to stay that way.

"Camila called me the other day," Dinah spoke up after taking a quick sip of alcohol. "I guess she and Shawn are getting pretty serious."

"That's nice." Lauren nodded, trying to sound casual but failing. 

"Yeah, I guess." Dinah trailed off before slyly mentioning, "She asked about you."

Lauren was in the middle of taking a drink and she nearly broke out into a coughing fit. "Oh ya?" She asked, a little breathless from resisting the tickle in her throat.

"Yep." Dinah spoke in a sing-songy voice, "She asked how you were doing and I told her you were writing a new book."

"Speaking of which," Normani interjected, "Congratulations on making the New York Bestsellers list. I always knew you had it in you."

"Thanks, Mani." Lauren blushed before changing the subject. She really didn't want to talk about Camila and Shawn, it was still a sore subject.

As the three girls dove into conversation about their lives, a sense of pride filled Lauren's chest. Dinah had done an amazing job as the voice of Moana, and Normani had made her acting debut in an awesome dance film. On top of that, both girls were set to release an R&B album at the end of the month. They were doing really well for themselves, and Lauren honestly couldn't have been happier for them. 

"So," Lauren dragged out after a lull in the conversation. She pushed her empty wine glass to the center of the table and asked, "What's the big news you two were dying to tell me?" 

"Well," Normani cleared her throat, glancing over at Dinah for support, "The reason we waited so long is because we wanted it to be in person..." She paused, letting out a nervous breath. 

Lauren found the girl's blatant distress incredibly amusing and bit down on her lip to keep from laughing. After watching the two interact all night, she had a pretty good idea what their secret was.

"Mani and I are dating." Dinah finally blurted, earning an immediate slap to the arm.

"You weren't supposed to say it like that!" Normani huffed, pushing her girlfriend over in the booth, "It was supposed to have been romantic and cute."

Dinah let out a happy giggle before bouncing back up and placing a wet kiss against Normani's cheek. 

"Eww," Normani squealed, wiping the lipstick off with the back of her hand. 

The exchange was too adorable for words and Lauren rolled her eyes. "You two are disgusting," She smiled, her voice pulling the two girls back to reality.

"Sorry," Normani blushed, bumping shoulders with her girlfriend. "It's only been a couple of months so were still kinda in the honeymoon phase."

Lauren watched as they shared an affectionate glance, one that made her heart melt into a puddle of mush and gooeyness. Back when Fifth Harmony was still a group, she had shipped the two girls so hard it was ridiculous. Their personalities were perfect together, and aesthetically speaking they were a masterpiece. 

"I am so happy for you two." Lauren beamed, feeling like a proud mother. 

"What about you, are you seeing anyone?" Dinah asked, slipping an arm around Normani's waist.

 _Shit_. She should have seen that one coming.

"Not really." Lauren cleared her throat, trying her best to sound nonchalant. She tried to open her mouth and avoid the conversation, but Normani was quick to interrogate.

"Not really?" The girl squinted skeptically, "What does that even mean?"

After chewing on the inside of her cheek for a few seconds, Lauren let out a quick breath and clarified, "It means that I'm single." 

The two girls gave her an identical look of disbelief, and Lauren shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She wished they could go back to gushing over Normani and Dinah's new relationship. It was much more interesting than her pathetic love life, which was basically non-existent at the moment.

"I've been on a couple of dates, but it's nothing serious." Lauren finally gave in, playing with the ring on her finger as a nervous habit.

"Not yet at least." Dinah smirked, leaning forward over the table, "What's their name, do I know them?" She fired the questions in rapid succession, looking like a child on Christmas morning.

"Yes, you know her..." Lauren cleared her throat, feeling totally vulnerable and nervous. 

"Who is it!?" Normani joined in, looking as though she could burst from excitement at any moment.

Lauren rolled her eyes. She literally had children for friends. 

"Come on! Just tell us." Normani prodded with an innocent smile, "We promise not to tell anybody."

Lauren felt like she was in middle school again. Taking a deep breath she glanced down and mumbled, "Her name is Ashley, but you guys probably know her as Halsey." 

"You're dating Halsey!" Dinah exclaimed, making several heads turn in their direction.

"Shut up!" Lauren reprimanded, reaching across the table to put a hand over Dinah's big mouth. "I'm not dating her... we've gone out a couple of times." She whispered, retracting her palm so that she could sit back down.

"That is so fucking hot." Dinah breathed out, earning a pinch from Normani. "What, it is!?" She laughed, placing a quick kiss against Normani's shoulder, "But not as hot as you of course."

"That's more like it." Normani gave her a mock glare before breaking out into a warm smile. A second later she shifted in her seat and focused back on Lauren. "So these dates..." Normani purred, raising a suggestive eyebrow, "when was the last one, and where did she take you?"

"Sorry, but this is so not happening." Lauren let out an ironic huff of laughter. She placed a twenty dollar bill down on the table and stood, "As much as I would love to share all of the juicy details of my love life, I really need to get back to my apartment."

"Are you kidding me!?" Dinah whined, looking positively crushed, "That is so not fair!"

"What can I say?" Lauren smirked,  "I'm old now and I like to go to bed before midnight." 

"That is such bullshit," Dinah grumbled. "We're getting together again tomorrow and you're telling us everything."

"We'll see about that." Lauren let out a warm laugh before leaning down to give them each a quick hug. They wouldn't be getting dating information out of her anytime soon.

* * *

 

The taxi pulled up outside of Lauren's apartment and she handed the driver some cash before climbing out of the car. A goofy smile tugged at her lips as she trekked through the darkness. After months of not seeing her friends, it had been amazing to finally sit down and have a face to face conversation. 

She'd missed Normani and Dinah like hell after the band's breakup, and seeing them again was a bittersweet feeling. It was amazing to know they were doing well for themselves, but it made Lauren sad to see how much everyone had changed.

The smile on Lauren's lips slipped away as she climbed the short flight of stairs. When she rounded the corner, she noticed a dark figure sitting on the ground next to her door. 

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and dialed 911, waiting for the right moment to press send. She took a few hesitant steps forward and the motion caused the person to look up.

"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!" Lauren breathed out in relief. She turned her phone off and placed a hand over her racing heart.

"Sorry," Camila grimaced, moving to stand up. "I probably should have called first."

"You think?" Lauren shook her head, her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest.

After calming down a little, she took a deep breath and questioned, "What are you doing here?" 

"It's nice to see you too." Camila joked, running a hand through her dark hair. 

"Sorry," Lauren shifted a little on her feet. She hadn't meant to sound so mean, "That was rude."

"It's fine, I wasn't expecting a warm welcome anyway."

The girl's words made Lauren's heart twist and she blurted, "I'm actually really glad you're here."

"You are?" Camila raised a skeptical eyebrow.

 _Shit._  Lauren hadn't meant that either. "Ya, of course." She lied, moving to retrieve her keys and unlock the door. "I just got back from hanging out with Normani and Dinah, so tonight is like a mini reunion."

"That sounds like fun," Camila gave a nostalgic grin, following Lauren inside. "I miss them so much."

After shutting the door, Lauren didn't know what to say so she cleared her throat and nodded. It had been almost two years since the last time she'd seen Camila, and the tension was palpable. 

For Lauren, it was more of an awkward uncertainty than anything else. It hadn't taken as long as she'd thought to overcome all of the heartache and animosity. After the first year she had decided to forgive Camila. A few weeks later, her heart stopped aching and she no longer changed the station when a cheesy love song played on the radio. 

"I can't believe you're here, it's been such a long time." Lauren spoke up, bending down to remove her shoes. 

"Ya," Camila smiled lamely, "I'm sort of the worst about keeping in touch with people."

An empty silence settled between them and Lauren cleared her throat to fill it, "So uh, how are you?" She stood up, wavering a little due to the alcohol in her system.

"I'm okay," Camila nodded wistfully, "What about you?"

"Good. Things have been quiet for me since the breakup, but it's been nice."

"That does sound nice." 

Reaching down to play with the ring on her finger, Lauren searched her mind for a conversation piece. "Congratulations on the Grammys by the way, I thought you and Shawn killed it." She eventually spoke up, trying her best to sound upbeat and sincere.

"You watched?"

"Of course," Lauren laughed as a hot blush filled her ex-bandmate's cheeks, "Why do you look so shocked?"

"No reason," Camila shook her head, "I'm really glad you liked the performance."

Lauren nodded silently before shifting on her feet, "So uh, were you just in the neighborhood or?" She trailed off, wondering why Camila had shone up on her doorstep after almost two years of hardly speaking to each other.

"It's a long and depressing story." Camila paused for several seconds before gathering up enough courage to say, "I'm actually here to make a business proposition."

"Okay..." Lauren dragged out, staring at the brunette as if she'd grown another head. She waited for Camila to elaborate, but the clarification never came.

"Well, this should be interesting." Lauren sighed, running a hand through her dark hair, "Do you want some coffee or something? I have a feeling this could take awhile."

"That would actually be really nice." Camila nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. It fell away almost immediately and Lauren had to clench her fist to prevent reaching out. 

Some habits were harder to break than others.

"Alright then." Lauren spoke up after a few awkward seconds. She clapped her hands together and turned, expecting Camila to follow her into the kitchen. 

The two walked quietly through the apartment, the movement allowing some of the tension to ease away. As Lauren set up the coffee maker and got out a couple of mugs, Camila leaned up against the far counter and watched silently. After switching on the machine, Lauren turned around and they shared their first semi-comfortable silence of the night.

"I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch." Camila sighed after a few moments, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. "I feel like a jerk for showing up after all this time, especially given our history."

"Don't worry about it." Lauren waved away the apology, doing her best to sound reassuring and casual, "We were young and under a lot of stress back then."

"It was only two years ago." Camila laughed, her bright smile doing wicked things to Lauren's fragile heart.

"You know what I mean." Lauren blushed, glancing away out of necessity, "Whoever thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of teenage girls in a group together must have been out of their mind. We all could have used a few more years of growing up." 

"That's true," Camila nodded, a wistful expression settling over her delicate features.

The coffee pot let out three long beeps and Lauren turned to shut it off. Gathering up the mugs, she poured the steaming liquid inside. Once they were full, she put the pot back and turned, catching Camila mid stare. 

They shared an embarrassed laugh before Lauren bit down on her lip and walked over to the fridge. The room was silent as she retrieved the creamer from the back and then crossed the kitchen to get the sugar.  

After fixing both of their cups, she stepped over and smiled, "Cream and sugar, with a splash of coffee." 

Their fingers brushed together as Lauren handed over the mug and she quickly pulled away. With Camila, it was the lingering touches that affected her the most. In those fleeting moments she felt sparks –the ones that could never turn into flames.

"I can't believe you remembered how I take my coffee." Camila took a small sip, keeping eye contact over the mug. 

Her eyes were bright and alive, bringing Lauren back to a simpler time. A lot of shitty things had happened during the course of Fifth Harmony's breakup, but she didn't want that to take away from all of the amazing moments they'd shared together. Camila was still an amazing, sweet, and loving person, even if she had broken Lauren's heart.

"Should we go sit down?" Lauren cleared her throat, leaving the nostalgic thoughts behind. 

As she led them into the living room, she tried to prepare her heart and mind for the next few hours. She wanted to give their friendship another chance, but she didn't want to lose herself in the process. 

Camila had really done a number on her, and if Lauren had learned anything from that experience, it was the value of self-preservation. Loving people was great and all, but nothing was better than loving yourself. 

"You still write in that thing?" Camila's voice pulled Lauren from her thoughts. She was pointing to Lauren's old, worn out journal, which was laying face up on the coffee table.

"Shit." Lauren rushed over to scoop the sacred book up in her arms. As her fingers brushed over the black leather she released a relieved breath. 

"I'll take that as a yes." Camila laughed. 

Lauren blushed a little before walking over to tuck her precious journal away in the bookshelf across the room. There were far too many secrets hidden in those pages for it to be left out in the open. 

"So, about this business proposition." Lauren cleared her throat, trying to slow her racing pulse. She walked over and plopped down next to Camila on the couch, putting plenty of distance between them. 

"Right..." The brunette trailed off, running her finger back and forth over the edge of her mug. 

The action pulled Lauren's attention, and she had trouble looking away. She'd spent a lot of time memorizing those fingers. All the nights they'd fallen asleep with fingers and limbs intertwined played through Lauren's head like a movie, causing her heart to flip inside of her chest. 

They'd only every shared one transient kiss, yet Lauren considered their time together in Fifth Harmony a love affair of epic proportions. Vulnerability was a lot more dangerous than lust, she and Camila were proof of that.

"Are you even listening to me?" Camila waved a hand in front of Lauren's face, a questioning frown on her pretty features.

"Yeah of course." Lauren huffed, placing her coffee down on the table.

"Okay, then what did I just say?" Camila squinted, crossing her arms over her torso. 

She was wearing a white v-neck and the action made it impossible not to steal a glance at her chest. Lauren immediately noticed that her breasts looked a lot bigger. She wondered if Camila had gotten a boob job or something. 

"Seriously?" Camila looked really frustrated now. 

"What?" Lauren licked her lips, glancing back up with a clueless expression.

The girl raised a knowing eyebrow before rolling her eyes, "You haven't changed at all, you know that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lauren sat back, giving her ex-bandmate a warning glare.

"Never mind." Camila waved away the question, "It doesn't matter." 

For some reason, the response made Lauren really mad and she couldn't help but point out, "You haven't talked to me in over two years, how could you possibly know if I've changed or not?"

"And there it is," Camila gave an exaggerated huff, "I was wondering when you would pull that card."

Okay, now that really pissed Lauren off. Did Camila not remember that everything was totally her fault? Not only had she been the sole reason for the group's split, but she had also broken Lauren's heart in the process. She had no right to play the victim.

"First of all," Lauren recoiled as if the girl was a deadly poison, which in some ways was sort of true. "It's not a 'card', it's a fact. And second of all, I have every right to be upset after all of the crap you've pulled."

"Fine, you know what," Camila raised her hands in mock surrender, "I'm sorry, okay. I didn't come here to fight with you."

Well, that was surprising. Lauren had gotten herself all riled up expecting a heated exchange. It wasn't like Camila to back down from an argument, or at least it wasn't like the old Camila. Maybe the girl really had changed after all.

"Shit. I'm sorry too," Lauren sighed, annoyed with herself for getting all worked up over something so small, "I guess I'm still a little sensitive about it."

"It's okay, I don't blame you." Camila glanced down, looking as though she wanted to say something more. In the end she never did.

"A conversation for another day maybe." Lauren swallowed, feeling the awkwardness return in force. 

She hated that all of these old wounds were opening up again. She'd thought for sure they had been sealed up for good... apparently not.

"Well this is awkward now," Camila spoke up after a few long seconds. She looked over with a goofy smile and Lauren couldn't help but offer an amused grin of her own.

"It's weird, right?" She laughed, feeling some of the tension ease. It suddenly felt more like the old them, which gave Lauren a little hope.

"Yeah." Camila agreed, "I never could have imagined that things would change so much." 

Lauren gave a wistful nod, "I know, it's kind of sad."

The silence that filled the room was tense but comfortable, allowing Lauren to organize her thoughts. When she looked back over, Camila was staring at her expectantly. 

"What?" Lauren blinked, her eyes trained on the chocolate ones in front of her.

"Nothing," Camila blushed a little before running a hand through her dark hair, "You just look really good." She glanced back up to offer a sweet smile, "I guess the years have been better to you than they were to me."

"What do you mean?" Lauren frowned, sensing that the girl was referring to something much deeper than physical appearance.  

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before Camila glanced down at her lap and whispered, "I'm tired, Lauren... My life is an absolute mess and I don't know if I can keep it up much longer." 

Lauren battled within herself. Should she reach out and comfort the girl, or keep it professional?

"Whatever is going on, I'm sure it will be okay." Lauren spoke softly, feeling totally unsure of herself. Comforting people usually came naturally to her, but in this moment the situation was getting the best of her.

"Not this time." Camila shook her head, all of the sudden sounding terribly close to tears.

"You can't know that." Lauren whispered, biting nervously on the inside of her cheek. She wanted to reach out and offer some kind of physical reassurance, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She watched as Camila took in several shaky breaths. Once the girl was somewhat composed, she looked over at Lauren and let out a heartbreaking sigh, "I want you to come to Europe with me." 

"I'm sorry, what?" Lauren leaned forward. She must have misheard.

"I want you to come to Europe with me." Camila repeated, sounding more confident. "I can't handle another second in this country, and I want to get away."

"Okay..." Lauren dragged out. It was obviously a sensitive subject and she was trying to tread carefully, but inside she was screaming. "And where do I fit into this plan?"

Camila nodded cooly, as if they weren't currently having a totally outrageous conversation. "I need a travel companion. It's dangerous to visit foreign countries alone, and I don't want to end up getting kidnapped."

That was the first logical thing the girl had said in a while. "Right." Lauren stared, trying to wrap her head around Camila's perspective. "And why does it have to be me specifically?"

"Because I trust you."

"What about Shawn?" Lauren asked, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Absolutely not," Camila shook her head, "He's one of the people I'm trying to get away from." 

There was a lengthy silence as Lauren took a moment to sort out her thoughts. She was already pretty certain her answer was going to be no, but she needed to find a way to let Camila down easy. The girl was obviously very passionate about her plan.

"I'll even pay you," Camila spoke up, "$50,000 for the four weeks."

That caught Lauren's attention. "Seriously?" She breathed out, her jaw dropping to the floor. "That is insane, Camila."

"Ya, well I'm desperate." The girl scooted closer on the couch, placing a hand on Lauren's upper thigh. 

The touch was warm and gentle, sending chills down Lauren's spine. The look of desperation in Camila's chocolate eyes made a lump form in her throat. She almost caved.

 _Nope. Not a good idea._ Lauren thought to herself. Traveling across the world with the girl who had broken her heart was an awful idea. 

However... she was extremely broke at the moment. Being an author was amazing, but it paid like shit. The money from Fifth Harmony had disappeared much faster than expected, and she refused to get a 9 to 5 job....Maybe accepting Camila's business proposition wouldn't be all bad.

_Fuck._

"I don't know." Lauren swallowed, the weight of the world coming to rest on her shoulders. Her head was screaming for her to say no, but her heart was pleading for her to whisk Camila away. 

In the end she just couldn't bring herself to make a decision. "Can I at least sleep on it?" She asked, running a frazzled hand through her hair.

"Of course," Camila affirmed, slowly retracting her hand. "I'll only be in Miami for a few more days, so if you could let me know as soon as possible, that would be nice."

"Alright." Lauren nodded, standing up from the couch with a troubled sigh. She had no idea what she was going to do, but one thing was for certain, she wouldn't be getting any sleep that night.


	3. The Decision

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Brand New Day by Kodaline_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULavCZGz0mY)

 

As expected, Lauren spent most of the night tossing and turning. At about six thirty, she finally gave up and threw the covers off of her half-naked body. The chilly morning air pricked at her bare thighs and she shivered. Stretching her arms above her head, she let out a tired yawn and crossed the room to change into a pair of black running shorts and a sports bra.

After retrieving her tennis shoes from the closet, she sat down at the foot of her bed and mindlessly tied up the laces. Her eyelids felt heavy from exhaustion, and her brain was a pile of mush in her skull. She'd spent the entire night trying to decide whether or not to go to Europe with Camila, and after almost 6 hours of weighing the pros and cons she was still unsure.

Honestly, the biggest obstacle to overcome was her hesitancy to be apart of Camila's life again. The two of them had gone in totally different directions following Fifth Harmony's breakup. While Lauren had been pursuing a relatively quiet life, Camila had been busy gaining mass popularity as a solo artist.

The girl was almost on the same level as Taylor Swift now, and Lauren didn't want any part of that. She'd spent enough time being pummeled by the industry to know that it only got worse the more famous you became. The constant pressure and exposure was exhausting and no amount of money could convince her to live that kind of lifestyle again.

Letting out a sigh, Lauren stood up from the bed and collected her phone from the nightstand. Before leaving for her run, she sent a quick text to Dinah and Normani asking if they wanted to meet up at the beach in a couple of hours. Not only was she anxious to see them again, but she wanted to get Dinah's feedback on the situation.

Unlike Lauren, Dinah had actually made a point to keep in touch with Camila over the years. Hopefully, the girl could provide some insight on the kind of person Camila had become. After last night, Lauren had definitely noticed a few small changes, but for the most part Camila had almost seemed the exact same.

For the sake of their future friendship, she really hoped that wasn't the case.

A few hours later, Lauren returned to her apartment dripping in sweat. The second the door closed, she ripped off her sports bra and sighed in relief. The cool air felt like heaven against her fiery skin, causing goosebumps to appear all over her torso. It was already almost 70 degrees outside, which was ridiculous considering it was only nine o'clock in the morning.

After kicking off her shoes, Lauren made her way into the bathroom. She always felt amazing after a long run, and this time it was no different. 

Smiling for no reason, she slipped the track shorts down her thighs and released her ponytail. After starting up the shower, she reached for her phone and scrolled through the long playlist of songs. Brand New Day by Kodaline caught her eye and she smiled. 

It was a bit ironic considering her current situation, but she was in such a good mood it didn't matter. As the first verse played out, she imagined Camila singing the line about wanting to travel the world, but not alone. The image prompted a wry giggle and she shook her head.

Back when Fifth Harmony was still together, she and Camila had been music buddies. During X Factor, that had been their way of getting to know each other. At the time, they had each been too shy and awkward to converse like regular people, and so they took turns sharing meaningful songs instead.

Ever since then, the quirk had become a bit of a tradition in their relationship. Anytime they wanted to express a difficult feeling or message, they would sit the other person down and play a song that could relate in some way. Not only was it surprisingly effective, but it forced them to think more deeply about the other person's perspective.

Smiling at the memories, Lauren took a deep breath and turned the volume up on her phone. Before she could set the device down and get in the shower, the screen lit up with an incoming text.

**Camila (9:08am): Hey, what are you doing?**

Lauren rolled her eyes and let out a short laugh. Of course Camila would text her the second after she had gotten naked.

**L: About to get in the shower. Why?**

**C: Just wondering...**

**L: I don't believe you. What's the real reason?**

**C: You're super annoying, you know that?**

**L: Thanks, it's a gift. Now what's up?**

**C: Well...I wanted to let you know that I'm like ten minutes away from your apartment.**

Lauren's smile fell away as she read the message. Leave it to Camila to go and ruin her perfectly good mood.

**L: Seriously?**

**C: Ya, sorry, I just really need to talk to you.**

Lauren let out a frustrated sigh. She wasn't ready to make a decision yet and she didn't want Camila trying to pressure her into going to Europe. If she wasn't careful, then she'd end up saying yes simply because she was a weak person who struggled with putting others before herself.

A grumpy frown tugged at Lauren's lips and she set her phone down without replying. If Camila was already on her way, then she really didn't have a choice in the matter. All she could do now was start building up the walls around her heart and hope they were strong enough to resist Camila's charms.

* * *

 

As Camila climbed the steps to Lauren's apartment, she felt like throwing up. She hadn't mentioned it last night, but she'd already booked her and Lauren a flight to London. It had originally been scheduled to leave two days from now, but due to extenuating circumstances, the airline company had moved the flight to tonight.

In retrospect, it had been an awful idea to buy Lauren a ticket before actually asking but, in her defense, Camila had been certain that the girl would say yes. For fifty thousand dollars, she assumed it was a no brainer. After finding out from Dinah that Lauren was struggling financially, she'd figured the girl would jump at the opportunity. 

In some ways, she felt a little guilty for using money to persuade Lauren, but at the same time she really wanted to help the girl out. She knew that Lauren would never accept money without earning it and so she'd come up with the ingenious plan of having Lauren accompany her to Europe. Unfortunately, the idea had seemed a lot better in her head. Now, she couldn't help but fear the worst.

Releasing a shaky breath, Camila reached out to knock on the front door. Since Lauren hadn't texted back, she didn't know what to expect, but it was worth a shot. 

After several minutes, Lauren opened the door wearing a small towel and an angry frown. "Camila." She greeted in a sharp tone. 

Her dark hair was wet, sending small beads of water sliding down her tan neck. The droplets disappeared behind the small white towel covering her chest, and Camila swallowed. She knew she was staring, but it was Lauren's fault for answering the door half naked.

"Hi." Camila finally glanced up to meet Lauren's expectant stare, "You look nice."

 _Fuck_. The second the words left her lips she felt like burying herself alive. Seriously how awkward could she possibly be?

"Thanks..." Lauren gave a confused frown before stepping away from the door, "You can come in for a little bit, but I'm leaving soon."

"O-okay," Camila nodded, still trying to compose herself, "I just need to talk to you for a couple of minutes anyway."

That wasn't totally the truth but she could sense that Lauren was in a fragile mood. The last thing she wanted to do was scare the girl off, and so she was willing to lie a little. Anything to increase the odds of Lauren accepting her offer.

"I'm gonna go get changed," Lauren commented, repositioning the towel over her chest."Feel free to make yourself at home."

As she turned to leave, Camila tried not to stare at her well defined back and legs, but it was hopeless. Apparently, Lauren had worked out a lot in the last two years. It seemed impossible, but somehow she looked even better than Camila had remembered, which was totally unfair.

Watching as Lauren disappeared around the corner, Camila let out a long sigh. Then, twisting on her heels, she walked over to the couch and plopped down. She had absolutely no idea how she was going to tell Lauren about the change of plans, but she figured it was useless to worry, the girl was going to be upset no matter what. 

Frowning at the realization, Camila played nervously with her ring finger. Moments later, a thin line of sweat appeared on her palms and she wiped it off using her yellow summer dress. As her thoughts slowly tumbled out of control, she went back to the mindless fidgeting.

She didn't have a plan B if Lauren said no and that terrified her. She needed this trip more than anything. At this point it almost felt as though her sanity depended on it. Her life was a confusing, overwhelming mess right now and she couldn't handle it any longer.

"Hey, Mani and Dinah just texted me that they're already at the beach." Lauren appeared, pulling Camila from her thoughts, "So we'll have to reschedule this talk for tomorrow."

The comment made Camila's pulse race and she hurried to stand up. Lauren had a large beach bag dangling from her shoulder, and she was wearing a pair of daisy dukes and a black crop top. Camila watched as the girl crossed the room to retrieve her keys from the counter before heading back towards the door. 

"It can't wait!" Camila blurted, rushing over to intercept Lauren. She grabbed the girl's arm and turned her so that they were standing face to face. "Please." She begged, looking deeply into the green eyes a few inches away.

Lauren raised an eyebrow before releasing an annoyed sigh. "Fine," she gave in before peeling away Camila's fingers, "I guess you can come with me." 

"Thank you," Camila breathed out all at once. She went in for a hug but thought better of it at the last second and ended up awkwardly dropping her hands to her sides. 

Lauren cleared her throat and opened the door. Camila took the hint and walked through, flinching a little when she felt Lauren's palm come to rest on her lower back. 

"Sorry," Lauren mumbled, quickly jerking her hand away. 

A blush filled Camila's cheeks and she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "It's fine, just warn me before you feel me up next time." She tried to joke but it was ill-timed and only managed to make the situation worse. 

* * *

 

The entire car ride was spent in silence. Camila just couldn't work up the courage to tell Lauren the truth. The fear of being rejected was far too real, and in the end she allowed the opportunity to go to waste.

"Have you ever been to this beach?" Lauren asked conversationally as they pulled into Crandon Park. 

"Ya, but only a couple of times." Camila answered, taking in the beautiful scenery. Palm trees and miles of clean sand covered the area. There weren't nearly as many people as there usually were on South Beach, which was something Camila appreciated. 

"Cool." Lauren said, not really paying attention. She was busy looking for a place to park, her face scrunched up in concentration. The sight was adorable and Camila bit her lip to keep from laughing. 

Once they finally found an empty space, Lauren shut the car off and moved to get her bags from the back. Camila didn't have anything of her own so she offered to carry the towels. 

The two walked towards the water in silence, looking for their friends who  had already picked out a place. As they trudged through the sand, Camila danced back and forth to keep the hot surface from burning her feet.

"What are you doing?" Lauren frowned, her thick eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"It's hot." Camila explained, smiling when the brunette rolled her eyes in response. 

"Then put your sandals back on." 

"But I like the way the sand feels between my toes." Camila pouted, continuing to hop from one foot to the other.

Lauren mumbled something under her breath and picked up the pace. Not bothering to look back she noted, "It makes you look like a dork."

Camila grinned at the comment, jogging a little to catch up. "Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" She placed a hand over her heart in mock offense.

Lauren glanced over, the ghost of a smile dancing across her full lips, "Yes." She stated bluntly, laughing at the glare she received in return.

The conversation faded as they spotted Normani and Dinah lounging underneath a large umbrella a little ways down the beach. All of the sudden a rush of nerves twisted Camila's gut. She had only been invited out of pity, what if other girls ended up being upset that she'd tagged along?

Dinah didn't concern her as much, but Normani did. She and Camila hadn't been on the best of terms before Fifth Harmony's split, and they hadn't talked at all following the breakup. 

"Hey guys." Lauren's raspy voice filtered out as they arrived. 

Camila watched as Lauren set all of her bags in the sand and leaned down to hug the two girls. The three squealed and chatted for several minutes, leaving her to stand awkwardly off to the side. The obvious exclusion made her chest feel tight and she ran a hand through her hair as a distraction.

Finally, Dinah looked up and offered a warm smile, "Hey Mila! I didn't know you were in town." She got up from underneath the umbrella to engulf her ex-bandmate in a giant bear hug. 

"Hey." Camila giggled, her heart warming with the embrace. 

She had always appreciated Dinah's kind and nurturing personality. Back when they were still a band, the girl had always known the right thing to do or say to cheer her up, and it was amazing to see that nothing had changed. 

As Dinah pulled away, Camila caught Normani's angry glare and offered a nervous smile, "Hey, Mani." She tried, lifting her hand up in a small wave.

"Camila." The girl acknowledged, not even trying to hide her disdain. 

It got really awkward for a few moments, but then Dinah cleared her throat and grabbed Normani's hand, "We should go get in the water." She yanked the other girl to her feet, offering an apologetic grimace.

As the two walked away, Camila tried to ignore the horrible pit forming in her stomach. She honestly couldn't blame Normani for disliking her. The brunette had never been shy about vocalizing her hatred towards disloyal people, and in her eyes Camila was exactly that. 

"Don't worry about her." Lauren spoke up, rescuing the younger brunette from her depressing thoughts. "She'll get over it someday."

"Thanks." Camila gave a weak smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

Letting out a weary sigh, she sat down on one of the towels Lauren had laid out. It had been a while since she'd faced her mistakes head on, and seeing that Normani was still so hurt was enough to break Camila's heart all over again.

"So, uh, what did you want to talk about?" Lauren cleared her throat, taking a seat next to her on the towel.

Camila tried to compose herself before answering, "I did something stupid." She sighed, picking up a handful of sand and watching as it slipped through her fingers. 

"What?" Lauren's eyebrows drew together, her gaze darting to the younger brunette's lips before bouncing back up.  

Taking in a deep breath, Camila bit the inside of her cheek and grimaced, "I sort of booked us both a flight to London. It's supposed to leave tonight at 8."

There was a long silence as Camila watched the words sink in. Lauren's jaw worked side to side in anger, and a few seconds later she snapped, "Why would you do that?"

"I'm sorry." Camila collapsed into herself, bringing her knees up to her chest. "I'll just cancel your ticket, it's not that big of a deal."

The crashing waves filled the tense pause and Camila averted her gaze to the shore. She watched as Dinah chased Normani into the water, the two of them giggling uncontrollably. The sight made a sad pain pierce her heart and she sucked in a sharp breath. 

Resting her chin on the tops of her knees, she fought away the all too familiar sensation of melancholy. Like a dirty secret that nobody knew about, the emotion was always lurking in the back of her mind. Whether she was laughing or crying, it was always there to taunt her with emptiness and doubt. 

Letting out a soft breath, Camila glanced over and caught Lauren staring. They stayed that way for what felt like hours before Lauren finally gave in and looked away. 

"Don't cancel my ticket." She mumbled so quietly, Camila thought she might have imagined it.

"Really?" A small smile tugged at Camila's lips and she reflexively shifted closer. Their bare thighs brushed together, creating sparks.

"Yes." Lauren stood up and removed her shirt, revealing a black bikini top. As she moved to unzip her shorts, she glanced down at Camila and warned, "But I'm reserving the right to leave at anytime." 

"That's not fair." Camila frowned, "I'm paying you to go for the entire trip."

"Either I can leave whenever I want, or I don't go at all." Lauren shrugged, slipping the denim down her toned thighs. 

Camila watched as the girl stepped out of her shorts and placed them on the towel. Biting down on her lip, she conceded, "Fine." 

"Perfect, then it's settled." Lauren ran a hand through her hair, "After I get back from swimming, we can go and get packed." She gave one last impassive nod before turning to make her way towards the water.

Camila stared at the girl's retreating form in shock, wondering if the last few minutes had actually happened. Did Lauren seriously just agree to go to Europe with her? 

At first she struggled to wrap her mind around the thought, but then a giant smile graced her lips. For the first time in months, she finally felt as though she could breathe. 

Squealing in delight, Camila flopped down on her back and did a little happy dance in the sand. Maybe she'd survive this week after all.


	4. The Regret

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Crazy by Au Revoir Simone_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP7lU6E0EcU)

 

Word vomit. Lauren could feel it creeping up the back of her throat. It burned and pressed against the crease in her lips, demanding to be released. The second she got to where Dinah and Normani were hanging out in the water, it all came pouring out at once. Every thought and concern swirling around her mind manifested in one never-ending sentence.

Normani and Dinah stared in shock as Lauren spilled her guts about the last 24 hours. By the time she was done talking, a thin line of sweat had appeared on her forehead and she was panting heavily.

"And then I told her not to cancel my ticket." Lauren finished, taking in a deep breath. Her heart felt like a trapped hummingbird, fighting to escape from her ribs.

"You did what!?" Normani gasped in disbelief. She didn't know who she wanted to slap more, Lauren or Camila. Reaching down, she grabbed a hold of Lauren's elbow and dragged her down the beach.

"I had to, Normani." Lauren whined, looking over her shoulder at Dinah for help. The girl offered a displeased pout and shook her head before turning in the opposite direction.

"Traitor." Lauren mumbled, glaring daggers at the back of Dinah's head.

Normani didn't stop walking until they were a ways down the shore. Facing towards Lauren she scolded, "You don't have to do anything, especially not for her. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Lauren chewed guiltily on the inside of her cheek. She glanced back to see that Dinah had gone to sit with Camila. The two were several yards away but she kept her voice down just in case, "I'm not doing it for Camila, I'm doing it for myself."

Normani rolled her eyes at the comment. After all of these years, she couldn't believe that Lauren was still in denial. "Oh really? And what's in it for you?" She crossed her arms, offering an incredulous glare.

Lauren ran a tongue over her chapped lips. They tasted of salt water and she frowned, "She's paying me fifty grand and I can leave whenever I want." 

At this point, Lauren was trying to convince herself just as much as Normani. She had no idea what had come over her, but as she'd stared into Camila's big brown eyes the only word on her tongue had been 'yes'. Yes to Europe, yes to forgiveness, and yes to second chances. Looking back, it was absolutely terrifying the way she had melted in that moment. She was going to have to be more careful in the future.

"Did you even ask Camila why she wants to run away? What if something weird is going on?" Normani pointed out, looking as though she could explode at any moment. Her cheeks were tinted a dark red and her eyes were wide with concern.

Lauren frowned, "Camila's probably just sick of being in the public eye. You know how that is, all of the pressure and exposure is exhausting."

"No way," Normani shook her head, "A person doesn't just get up one day and decide to runaway because they're tired. I'm telling you, Camila is hiding something."

Well shit, the girl had a point. Biting down on her lip, Lauren glanced back to see Dinah and Camila talking happily underneath the umbrella. Now that Normani mentioned it, Camila did seem awfully upbeat all of the sudden, which was interesting considering she'd been on the verge of tears a few minutes ago. 

Then again, Camila had always been exceptional at hiding her feelings.

Lauren turned back towards Normani. Unwilling to admit defeat, she accused, "You're just saying that because you hate that Camila left 5H to be with Shawn."

"Duh," Normani huffed, side stepping a wild young boy with a kite, "She's the reason the band broke up, don't even act like you're not mad at her for that." 

"I got over it," Lauren lied, "I'm fine now."

"Whatever," Normani gave an annoyed glare, "You're the one who cried every night after the band's break up. It hurt you more than anyone else."

 _Yeah, but for a totally different reason_ , Lauren thought. Of course she'd been upset when the band broke up, but Camila's personal betrayal had been the real killer. Even though they'd only known each other for a few years, Camila had become one of Lauren's very best friends. Their falling out had been slow and torturous. Everyday for three months, Lauren had been forced to watch Camila pull away, until eventually, the girl had removed herself completely from Lauren's life. 

"I don't think that Camila is hiding anything," Lauren sighed, "She doesn't have any reason to."

"You don't know that." Normani stared hard into Lauren's eyes. She really didn't want to see her friend get hurt again, especially not by the same manipulative girl. "Camila is always playing the victim. She did it when the band broke up and she's doing it again now. You don't have to feel sorry for her, she chose this life."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "I don't feel sorry for her," she lied, "I'm just extremely broke and this is a great opportunity."

The conversation was interrupted by the same little boy with the kite. He wasn't paying attention and crashed into the back of Lauren's legs. The force sent her tumbling head first into Normani, who fell straight to the ground upon impact. A few seconds later, the three untangled themselves from the kite strings and stood.

"Sorry." The little boy blushed, gathering up his problematic kite. Without saying another word he sprinted up the beach to find his parents.

"Ugh." Normani wiped the sand from her thighs and made eye contact with Lauren, "This is your fault." She glared, adjusting her bikini top.

"My fault?" Lauren huffed, watching as the hint of a smile appeared on Normani's lips, "How do you figure?"

"Are you kidding me?" Normani shook her head, laughing a little at Lauren's appearance. Her long, dark hair was a mess of tangles and sand, making her look like a crazy person. "You let that tiny kid bulldoze you."

"Oh, fuck off." Lauren chuckled, giving Normani the middle finger as she turned to walk away. She was glad the kid with the kite had interrupted them. She didn't want to talk about Europe anymore. In fact, the longer she could stay in denial about the whole situation, the better.

"Hey!" Normani shouted, jogging down the beach to catch up, "I wasn't done talking to you."

Lauren let out an exasperated sigh and whined, "What do you want, Mani? I've already made my decision. Just because you don't like Camila, doesn't mean this trip is a bad idea for me."

"Fine," Normani gave in, "But please be careful, and don't let your guard down too soon."

Also a good point. If the last 30 minutes had taught Lauren anything, it was that Camila still had a certain power over her. She needed to be cautious or else she'd get caught in the moment and probably end up doing something stupid.

"I know," Lauren gave a weak smile. She really did appreciate Normani's concern. "I'll try to be careful." 

As they made their way down the beach, she couldn't stop thinking about what Normani had said.  _'I'm telling you, Camila is hiding something.'_  The words played over and over again in her head, creating an overwhelming sense of doubt. 

She wanted to believe that Camila was trustworthy but past experience showed that wasn't the case. And so Lauren made a vow, she wouldn't let Camila back in her life until the girl proved herself worthy.

* * *

 

"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up." Lauren sighed, stopping to look through her bag one last time.

As the other girls made their way towards the outdoor showers, Lauren turned back to retrieve her forgotten sunglasses. It was about 2 o'clock in the afternoon and they were finally leaving the beach. After the initial drama of agreeing to go to Europe had passed, the rest of the day had gone much smoother. 

It had taken a while for Normani and Camila to warm up to each other, but it had happened. At one point they even teamed up against Dinah, teasing her about always being late. It had been nice to see them getting along again. Not only was it less awkward to be around, but it gave Lauren hope that one day they'd all be friends again.

Sighing at the thought, Lauren bent down to pick up her glasses. Overall the day had been a success... well almost. She still couldn't believe that she and Camila would be on a flight to London in less than 6 hours. In the moment, saying yes had felt like the right decision. But after taking the rest of the day to process, Lauren was freaking out. 

Of course, it didn't help that Normani had planted so many seeds of doubt. Lauren really needed to ask Camila why she was running away. 

Pushing the thoughts away, Lauren approached the outdoor showers.  _Shit_. There were only two; Dinah and Normani were together in one, and Camila was alone in the other. A large wooden wall separated the two stalls, but the other three sides were open.

Shifting awkwardly on her feet, Lauren set her bag down and stalled. She really didn't want to rinse off with Camila, but it would probably be weird if she got in the same shower as Normani and Dinah. Maybe she'd just wait for one of the girls to finish, and then she'd hop in.

"You just gonna stand there and watch?" Camila called out, tilting her head back to rinse under the spray. She was wearing a red bikini that Dinah had found in her car and it looked amazing on her slim, tanned body.

"I uh..." Lauren swallowed, distracted by the water dripping down the girl's chest. 

"Come on," Camila giggled, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair, "There's enough room in here for two."

 _Oh god._  Lauren cleared her throat and searched through her mind for an excuse. The last thing she needed was to be in close proximity with a half naked Camila. 

 _Fuck it._  Lauren shook her head with a determined frown. If she was really over Camila, then something as innocent as rinsing off together shouldn't be that big of a deal... or so she hoped.

"Not so bad, right?" Camila teased, watching as Lauren stepped onto the concrete floor. As she shifted over to make room, she placed a gentle hand on Lauren's bare hip. 

The touch was electric, sending a chill down Lauren's spine. She tried her best to ignore the sensation, moving to duck under the warm spray as a distraction. A few seconds later, Camila retracted her hand and Lauren released a relieved breath. 

Then, just as she was finally calming down, Camila shifted a little closer. Sparks flew between them, warming Lauren's skin in a dangerous and alluring way. Her breath caught but she refused to move. She didn't want Camila to know what the close proximity was doing to her sense of composure.

"Alright, water-hog," Camila's raspy voice accused, "my turn." 

The next thing Lauren knew, Camila's bare stomach was pressing into her side. The skin was soft and warm, doing wicked things to her sanity. It had been so long since she'd last touched Camila, she had almost forgotten about the excited rush that came with the contact. Apparently, it still had the power to make her pulse race.

"I'm done anyway." Lauren blurted, hurrying to leave the shower. She didn't want to feel the things that Camila was making her feel. It wasn't safe and it wasn't rational. 

"You still have a ton of sand in your hair." Camila gave a questioning frown, keeping eye contact as she ducked back under the spray.

Lauren couldn't take the sight anymore, "Well, we need to get going." She turned away, moving to pick up her bag.

Without saying another word, Lauren took off in the direction of her car. She felt tingly and hot where she shouldn't, and the sensation made her angry. The fact that Camila was already getting under her skin was extremely unnerving. She didn't want to feel any attraction towards the brunette and she sure as hell didn't want those feelings to develop into anything more serious. 

As Lauren got to her car, she tossed her bags in the back and climbed into the driver's seat. After shutting the door, she laid her head on the steering wheel and released a worried breath. Maybe going to Europe with Camila wasn't such a good idea after all.


	5. The Plane

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Plans by Oh Wonder_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nClrlLZMNMM)

  
After getting home from the beach, Lauren had hurried to pack so that they could make their flight at eight. Little did she know, Camila had made a last minute call and arranged a private jet.

"Come on, Lauren," Camila whined, sitting down across from the green-eyed brunette, "I know it may seem like I lied to you, but I promise I didn't."

Lauren rolled her eyes. She really didn't want to hear Camila's excuses. It didn't matter if the girl had intended to lie or not, what she'd done was shitty. 

"I really thought my private jet was going to be unavailable until next month," Camila tried to explain. 

Lauren clenched her jaw and watched as the frustrating brunette fastened her seatbelt. All of the drama about returning Lauren's ticket had miraculously vanished, which meant the whole dramatic scene at the beach had been planned. Lauren wasn't stupid, she knew that Camila had done it to manipulate her into going to Europe. She felt like an idiot for being such a pushover.

"I don't understand why you're so mad," Camila mumbled, shifting her gaze out through the small plane window, "I thought you'd prefer taking a private jet."

A muscle in Lauren's jaw twitched. If there was one person who pushed her buttons more than anyone else, it was Camila. "You should have told me about the change of plans sooner." She glared, moving to fasten her own seatbelt.

"I already apologized, what more do you want?" Camila let out an exasperated sigh, her brown eyes bouncing back to Lauren's green ones. 

Before Lauren could answer, the pilot's voice filtered out over the intercom, "Good evening ladies, this is your captain speaking. Our first stop will be New York, the flight duration is around three hours. Please remain seated until the seatbelt sign turns green. Thank you and enjoy the flight."

As the plane prepared for takeoff, Lauren closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She didn't mind flying once they were in the air, but she hated both the landing and the takeoff. Of course, it didn't help that she was already feeling stressed out and tense. 

"Do you want to hold my hand?" Camila offered, her voice soft and quiet. 

Lauren's eyes snapped open at the question and a small lump formed in her throat. When Fifth Harmony was still together, Camila used to always hold her hand during flights. It had never been a question back then, only a habit.

The parallel made Lauren's heart twitch and she cleared her throat, "No." She lied, cringing at the hurt expression that passed over Camila's features. She immediately scolded herself for being so mean. Even if it had been shitty of Camila to withhold the truth, it wasn't right to treat her poorly because of it. 

Releasing a regretful sigh, Lauren glanced back at Camila and her heart sank a little deeper behind her ribs. The girl looked small and dejected as she focused her attention on the outside world. Lauren wanted to reach out and apologize, but her pride refused. She was supposed to be angry with Camila, not feeling sorry for her.

Shifting in her seat, Lauren tore her eyes away and let the violent pounding of her heart act as a distraction. She could feel her pulse in her fingertips as the plane's wheels left the ground, but she knew it wasn't the takeoff that had her stomach twisted in knots, it was Camila. 

Once the plane was finally in the air, Lauren let out a harsh breath and relaxed her tense muscles. She snuck another quick look at her ex-bandmate and frowned when she noticed the girl biting down on her lip. The action had always been Camila's tell. Anytime she was close to crying, her lower lip would start to tremble and her breathing would quicken. 

 _Shit_. Lauren ran a hand through her hair. She wished that the circumstances were different so that she could reach out and comfort the brunette. Unfortunately, that just wasn't the case. And so she drew in a deep breath and turned away, doing her best to pretend that everything was okay.

* * *

 

The second the seatbelt light turned green, Camila escaped to the bathroom. She didn't bother telling Lauren where she was going, she doubted the brunette even cared. Besides, it was all she could do to keep it together.

After locking herself in the small room, Camila pressed her palms tightly against her eye sockets. The pressure caused small black dots to appear behind her eyelids, but it kept the tears from falling. Sniffling a little, she waited for the tightness in her chest to ease before removing her hands. 

She'd only been back in Lauren's life for 24 hours, and she'd already managed to mess everything up. It had never been her intention to hurt anyone. She'd only lied about the private jet because she'd known that Lauren would be furious. The girl would have never agreed to go to Europe without some sort of incentive, and so Camila embellished the urgency of the situation to compensate... was that really such a crime?

The way she saw it, this trip was going to be good for both of them. She needed to get away, and Lauren needed the money. Not to mention the possibility of rekindling their friendship. She missed Lauren like crazy and this trip would provide a great opportunity for them to spend some quality time together. 

Taking in a deep breath, Camila checked her appearance in the mirror. Her mascara was a little smudged and her cheeks were flushed a subtle burgundy. She felt ridiculous for almost crying, but attributed the heightened sensitivity to stress. There were a lot of changes taking place in her life, and it was starting to feel like the weight of the world was settling on her shoulders.

"Alright, pull it together." She whispered to her reflection. 

After a few deep breaths, Camila felt determined and ready to make amends. Lauren had every right to be upset with her, not just for today, but for all of the horrible things she'd done in the past. Fixing their broken relationship wasn't going to be easy, but Camila was ready to put in the effort.

At this point, she was almost desperate to have Lauren back in her life. She needed someone who she could trust, someone who would be real with her no matter what. Honesty had always played such an important role in their relationship, and Camila hated that she'd ruined that dynamic. 

One of these days, she was going to tell Lauren the truth about why she'd left Fifth Harmony. The only problem was that it wasn't entirely her secret to tell. 

Shaking away the thoughts, Camila cleared her throat and moved to exit the bathroom. As she made her way through the plane, she pulled out her phone to check the time. They still had another two and a half hours before they'd land in New York. 

Plopping down in her seat, she saw that Lauren was already asleep and it made her smile. The girl's head was propped up against the window and her long legs were dangling off of the arm rest. Her dark hair was pulled back into a messy bun, leaving random strands to fall out and frame her pretty face. 

Camila itched to reach out and tuck the hair behind Lauren's ear, but that wasn't their relationship anymore. The thought made her stomach drop. She missed how comfortable they used to be around each other.

After a few minutes, she buried the nostalgic thoughts and leaned forward to place a hand on Lauren's shoulder, "Hey." She spoke quietly, offering a small smile when the girl's green eyes fluttered open. 

After drifting back into consciousness, Lauren's eyebrows drew together and she rasped, "Hi." Her voice was warm and soothing, wrapping around Camila's heart like an old sweater. It felt so much like home, she couldn't help but melt at the sound.

Embracing the cozy feeling, Camila kept her hand on Lauren's shoulder as she spoke, "I just wanted to let you know that there's a bed in the back room. You're more than welcome to share it with me." 

A horrified expression fell over Lauren's features and Camila hurried to retract her hand, "Not like that." She quickly corrected, a warm blush crawling up her cheeks.

Lauren raised a thick eyebrow, fighting to put on a grumpy scowl instead of a smile, "Oh uh...no. I'm fine out here." She declined, shifting a little in her small seat. 

"Are you sure?" Camila frowned, "It can't be comfortable to sleep like that." 

"I'm sure," Lauren insisted, "but thanks anyway." She gave a weak smile before moving to put her headphones in. 

"Alright." Camila mumbled, wondering why Lauren was so uncomfortable with the idea. They used to share a bed all of the time, she didn't understand why it was such a big deal now. 

"I'll leave the door open in case you change your mind." Camila moved to stand up. She wasn't sure if Lauren had heard or not, so she waited awkwardly for a few moments.

"Okay," Lauren finally responded before closing her eyes and leaning back against the window.

Giving a short nod, Camila turned around and made her way towards the rear of the plane. When she got to the small bedroom in the back, she kicked off her shoes and flopped down on to the mattress. After burying herself beneath the covers, she closed her eyes and let out a tired sigh. Hopefully when she woke up, Lauren would be in a better mood.

* * *

 

Lauren woke up in a horrible mood. The wheels bouncing violently off of the runway snapped her head back against the window. Pain radiated throughout her skull and she reached up to rub at the sore flesh. A few moments later, the plane came to a stop and she sat up. The second she straightened her spine, she noticed a kink in her neck that prevented her from turning her head to the left. 

"Fuck." She grumbled, feeling like total shit. Pulling her phone out from underneath her, she saw that it was eleven o'clock at night and adopted a tired pout. 

Then, she remembered that they still had another seven and a half hours to go. They were only stopping in New York to fill up and then they would be back in the air headed for London. 

Letting out a whiny groan, Lauren closed her eyes and gently laid her head back against the seat. Even the small, careful movement irritated her stiff neck and she grimaced.

"Hey." Camila's soft, raspy voice appeared.

Lauren opened her eyes at the sound and watched as a very sleepy Camila took a seat across from her. The girl's hair was crazy, sticking out in all different directions. Her clothes were twisted and wrinkly, but she made it look adorable. 

"Get any sleep?" Camila asked, yawning half way through the question.

The best Lauren could offer as a response was a grumpy moan. Closing her eyes, she reached up to rub at the back of her sore neck. It had been a mistake to try and sleep in the stupid plane seat.

The next ten minutes were spent in a comfortable silence before the pilot's voice filtered through the intercom. "Please fasten your seatbelts for takeoff. The flight to London should take about eight hours given the current weather. Unfortunately, we are expecting to hit some small pockets of turbulence along the way. Please remain seated until the seatbelt light turns green, thank you and enjoy the flight."

Lauren took in a deep breath and did as she was told. She really hoped that the weather cleared up. The only thing she hated more than takeoff and landing, was turbulence.

"We'll be fine." Camila whispered, reaching out to rest a gentle hand on Lauren's knee. 

The touch was soft and warm, helping to ease some of the nerves in Lauren's stomach. Without stopping to consider the consequences, she reached out and covered Camila's hand with her own. Keeping her eyes closed, she laced their fingers together.

"Thanks." Lauren spoke quietly, almost not wanting to be heard. 

As the plane's engines roared to life, she felt Camila give her hand a light squeeze and she swallowed. Instead of concentrating on the butterflies in her stomach, Lauren focused all of her attention on the comfort of Camila's soft hand. It felt slightly more calloused than she remembered and it made her wonder if the girl had been playing the guitar more.

"You're going to squeeze my fingers off." Camila giggled as the plane began to make its ascent. 

"Sorry." Lauren breathed out. She tried to separate their palms, but Camila only gripped her fingers tighter.

"It was just a joke." The brunette teased, running a thumb over the top of Lauren's hand. 

The action brought Lauren back to the past and she sighed. If she kept her eyes closed, she could almost trick herself into believing that nothing had changed. Fifth Harmony was still together and Camila was still her best friend. Even though it was a far away delusion, it managed to warm her heart and slow her frantic pulse. She would give anything to go back to those days. 

As the plane leveled out in the sky, Camila's comforting voice breathed out, "Told you we'd be okay." She gave Lauren's hand one final squeeze before pulling away.

The lack of warmth was immediately missed and Lauren opened her eyes with a frown. She watched as Camila unfastened her seat belt and offered a shy smile. Her hair was still a mess and her clothes were still disheveled, but she looked gorgeous. There had always been an aura to Camila that Lauren found to be captivating, it was nice to see that the light hadn't left after all of the years they'd spent apart.

"You gonna sleep out here again?" Camila asked with a yawn, arching her back in a full body stretch. The movement caused her shirt to ride up, exposing her slim, tanned stomach. Lauren drew in a deep breath at the sight and hurried to avert her eyes. When she met the girl's brown stare, Camila gave a knowing smirk. 

"Maybe." Lauren blushed, embarrassed that the girl had caught her staring. 

"You are so stubborn." Camila teased, a heart stopping grin pulling at her full lips. "We've shared a bed before, I don't understand why it would be a big deal now."

"It's not a big deal," Lauren huffed defensively, moving to unbuckle her seatbelt.

"Great, then it's settled." Camila gloated, "You're going to sleep in the bed next to me." Without saying another word, she turned and made her way towards the back of the plane.

Lauren stared at the girl's retreating form with a semi-shocked expression.  _Dammit_. She'd really set herself up for that one. 

If it weren't for the horrible kink in her neck, Lauren would have considered sleeping in the chair again. Unfortunately, she wasn't sure her poor body could handle another eight hours in such an uncomfortable position. 

Releasing a whiny groan, she stood up and trailed after Camila. The thought of sharing a bed with the brunette introduced a whole new swarm of butterflies to her stomach. As she reached the back bedroom, it was all Lauren could do to stop her hands from trembling. There wasn't really a reason for her nerves, other than the fact that she was about to share a bed with the only girl who had ever broken her heart.

"I call the spot next to the nightstand." Camila blurted, moving to untuck the bottom two corners of the comforter. 

Lauren watched as the girl climbed up on the right side of the bed and buried herself beneath the covers. "You know I prefer that side." She frowned, trading her nerves for annoyance. 

"But I have to charge my phone." Camila whined, giving a cute pout.

"I don't care," Lauren huffed, refusing to fall for the girl's act. She'd spent almost three years learning how to resist Camila's adorableness, there was no way she was about to give in now. "I'm sleeping on that side, even if I have to fight you for it." She glared, crossing her arms over her chest for effect.

"Fine." Camila grumbled, scooting over to the other side of the mattress. 

A victorious grin graced Lauren's features as she bent down to remove her shoes. She was wearing jeans and a black blouse, which weren't going to be very comfortable to sleep in, but she didn't feel like retrieving pajamas from her suitcase. 

"You're going to be annoyed when I have to keep reaching over you to use my phone." Camila moped, pulling the blankets over her chest. 

"No, because you aren't going to be doing that." Lauren offered a humorless laugh. After releasing her hair from its ponytail, she moved to slip under the covers on the other side of the bed. 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah, because I'm going to be sleeping and if you wake me up then I'll kill you."

The ghost of a smile passed over Camila's lips as she rolled onto her side and scooted a little closer. "I'd like to see you try." She smirked, her gaze flickering between Lauren's eyes and mouth.

All of the sudden the room felt heavy and thick. The two girls stared at each other as the world around them seemed to vanish. They were still several inches away, but the electricity passing between them was tangible. 

Lauren watched as Camila ran her tongue over her plump lips.  _Wow_. The action was so dangerously sexy it caused her to snap out of the trance she'd fallen into. Clearing her throat, she glanced away and pretended to reach for something on the night stand.

Her heart felt like a humming bird inside of her chest, all fluttery and frantic. She could handle a lot of things, but Camila flirting sexily while they were in bed together was not one of them.  

"Do you care if I shut off the light?" Lauren asked, trying to distract herself form the tingling sensation taking place between her thighs. 

Camila let out a dejected sigh and turned to face in the other direction, "Go for it." She replied, her voice sounding even raspier than normal.

After turning off the lamp, Lauren laid down so that she was facing away from Camila. She had no idea how they could go from one emotional extreme to the next, but it kind of sucked. 

Right now, she had no idea how she was supposed to act around Camila. Sometimes it felt as though nothing had changed, but then a moment would come along and remind her that absolutely nothing was how it used to be. 

In all of her twenty two years on earth, Lauren had never experienced such a difficult relationship. It was impossible to put her feelings for Camila into words. There was no rule book explaining how to navigate this type of situation, and so she had no choice but to figure it all out by herself. 

"Goodnight." Camila whispered into the darkness. It felt as though the girl were miles away, but that was probably for the best.

"Night." Lauren replied, experiencing a strange mix of excitement and dread. 

There was absolutely no telling what their future would hold, but Lauren had a feeling that tonight was only the beginning. Whether it was good or bad, she didn't have a clue. All she knew was that whatever was coming, it was bound to be life changing.


	6. The Plane Pt. 2

[Listen while reading: ♫  _When It Comes To Us_ _by_ _Frances_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZcsH3rD62o)

 

Lauren jolted upright as the plane shook violently in the sky. Gripping the sheets until her knuckles turned white, she held her breath and tried to get her bearings. After what felt like a lifetime, the tremors finally stopped. Residual fear made her stomach turn and she fought hard to resist throwing up. 

After the queazy sensation passed, Lauren released her death grip on the sheets and glanced around the dark room. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust; when they did, she saw Camila sleeping peacefully on the other side of the mattress. A calm expression rested over the girl's features and Lauren shook her head in disbelief. She'd always known that Camila was a heavy sleeper, but not waking up for turbulence was ridiculous.

Taking in a shaky breath, Lauren turned away and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She'd never taken her makeup off, leaving her eyelids to burn in protest. Throwing off the covers, she climbed out of bed and grabbed her phone from the night stand. As she turned on the device, the brightness scalded her pupils and she hurried to dim the blazing screen. The white numbers read 3:07am, prompting a whiny groan. It had only been four hours since they'd left New York, which meant they still had another four hours of flying.

Slipping her phone into her pocket, Lauren moved through the dark room. When she got to the door, she offered one final glance over her shoulder at Camila. The girl had already managed to sprawl out on the empty mattress, her limbs stretching out in all different directions like a starfish. 

Lauren couldn't help but smile at the sight. Camila's hair was a tangled mess and her mouth was slightly ajar, leaving a soft snore to fall from her lips. Her clothes were all twisted up and the sheets were wrapped awkwardly around her torso. She'd always been an ugly sleeper, it was a quirk that Lauren found incredibly endearing. 

The all to familiar sensation of affection made Lauren's breath hitch and she bit at the inside of her cheek. Turning, she slipped through the door and made her way towards the front of the plane. After rummaging through her suit case, she pulled out her journal and sat down at the small table near the back. It was late and her thoughts were vulnerable, she needed to put her feelings into words.

The soft buzzing of the plane's engines, mixed with the turning of pages, filled the space for the next several minutes as Lauren lost herself between the leather bindings of her journal. She wrote about the tightness in her chest when she'd made Camila sad, and the thumping of her heart as they'd shared a bed together after two years. She tried to explain the butterflies that formed in her stomach when she thought about traveling across Europe with Camila, but quickly found that there were no words. Instead, she drew sketches of the beautiful insects, bringing their allure to life on the pages. 

As Lauren switched back to storytelling, a cramp squeezed through her palm but she refused to put the pen down. She was beginning to feel writer's high. The words were pouring from her fingertips like honey, smooth and heavy. She wasn't thinking anymore, just expressing. 

The more she wrote, the more she began to realize that the universe was giving her and Camila a second chance. The thought was both exciting and terrifying. Over the last two years, she'd gone on plenty of dates but no one had managed to make her heart race quite like Camila.

It had been frustrating and scary to think that nobody would ever compare, especially when she'd been convinced that their relationship was over. Now, having Camila back introduced a completely different kind of fear.

_What if I lose her again?_

Lauren wrote the question in her journal and took a deep breath. She had a decision to make. Either risk the heartbreak, or distance herself from the beautiful brunette.

Sighing, Lauren pretended to weigh the pros and cons. The truth was that she had already made her decision. She'd made it the second she saw Camila sitting at her doorstep. It didn't matter if they rekindled their friendship, or discovered something more, Lauren needed Camila like she needed oxygen. It had been too long since she'd taken a deep breath and she was dying to fill her lungs again.

* * *

 

"Whatcha writing about?" The husky words tickled the side of Lauren's neck and she startled in surprise. 

"Dammit, Camila!" She breathed out, slamming her journal closed. Placing a hand over her racing heart, she glanced up to find the brunette hovering over her shoulder with a goofy smile.

"Now I'm really curious," Camila smirked, moving to sit at the other end of the table, "Was it about me?"

"Oh yeah," Lauren huffed, "I have several pages dedicated to how annoying you are."

The comment earned an adorable laugh and Lauren fought to hide her smile. She had almost forgotten how beautiful Camila was when she was happy. The months leading up to Fifth Harmony's break up had been hard on everyone, but Lauren had noticed it most with Camila. At the time, she'd attributed all of her bandmate's sadness to fan hate and shame. Looking back, she couldn't help but wonder if something else had been going on. 

"I've always wanted to know what goes on in that pretty mind of yours." Camila spoke up, pulling Lauren from her thoughts. She offered a warm grin before resting her chin on her palm. There was a softness to her eyes that made Lauren's heart flutter. If affection had a look, then Camila was giving it to her.

"Thank you... I think." Lauren blushed, reaching up to tie her hair back into a lose ponytail. She held her breath as Camila's gaze traveled down her neck. It was probably nothing, but Lauren could have sworn she'd seen a flicker of attraction in the girl's chocolate eyes. 

"How long have you been awake?" Camila glanced up with an innocent smile. Lauren had no idea how she went from sexy to cute in a matter of seconds, but it was super frustrating. 

"Only an hour or so," Lauren shrugged, watching as Camila let out a tired yawn, "Turbulence woke me up."

"Really? I must have slept through it." 

"Yeah, it was pretty scary."

A concerned frown tugged at Camila's lips and she reached out to touch Lauren's forearm, "I'm sorry, you should have woken me up." 

Clearing her throat, Lauren pulled away from the warm touch and shrugged, "You wouldn't have been able to do much."

A slightly hurt expression passed over Camila's features as she awkwardly placed her hand back in her lap. "I could've at least held your hand or something." She tried to smile but it was small and unconvincing.

A guilty weight compressed Lauren's chest making it difficult to draw in a full breath. So far, it seemed all she'd done in the past 32 hours was hurt Camila. At first, it had felt nice to have the emotional control, but not anymore. It was becoming painfully obvious that she hadn't  _really_  forgiven Camila. No matter what she wanted to tell herself, there were still parts of her that felt bitter towards her ex-bandmate. 

"I'm sorry," Lauren shook her head, "I really do appreciate the concern, you're a good friend." She offered a genuine smile. Even though Camila had hurt her in the past, the girl was at least making an effort. Perhaps it was time Lauren stopped punishing her for old mistakes, and started making an effort as well.

"I know how scared you get." Camila looked down, a light blush filling her cheeks. 

Lauren rolled her eyes and tried to play it cool, "It's not that bad."

As if on cue, the plane hit a small patch of turbulence and Lauren let out a terrified squeal. Without even thinking, she reached out to grab Camila's hand and covered it with both of her own. Closing her eyes, she focused all of her attention on the familiar touch and forced herself to breathe deeply. 

After a few short seconds, the aircraft leveled out and Camila released an amused giggle. "Oh my god, that was perfect timing." She laughed so hard she snorted, causing Lauren to glance up with a raised eyebrow. The second she saw Camila's embarrassed blush she burst out into her own full belly laugh. 

"Shut up." Lauren continued to giggle, snatching her hand away with a mock glare. Her heart felt light and airy as she watched Camila come down from her laughing fit. 

A short silence filled the room as they stared at each other with smiling eyes. The more time Lauren spent with Camila, the more she realized how much she'd missed their friendship. 

"I've missed this." Lauren expressed her thoughts out loud. As the words left her tongue, she felt some of the weight lift from her chest. It was the first step to reconciliation and she was proud of herself for taking it. 

"Me too." Camila's smile started off small but quickly stretched across the length of her lips. "It's been rough without you."

Lauren took a moment and allowed the words to warm her heart. In a selfish way, it was nice to know that she hadn't been the only one who'd suffered. Maybe it was twisted, but it made her feel better to know that Camila had been just as hurt by their falling out.

"I feel so bad about not keeping in touch." Camila sighed, playing nervously with her ring finger. "I didn't even know you were writing another book until Dinah told me."

"Yeah, well, that will happen when you're busy being a superstar." Lauren teased, earning a cute grin in return. 

"I hate it." Camila laughed, running a hand through her dark hair. "I'm so exhausted all of the time."

"Is that why you wanted to runaway?" 

"Not exactly," Camila shook her head, looking sad and lost all of the sudden, "There was something else."

Lauren nodded. She could tell that Camila didn't want to talk about it, but she was dying to know. "Is everything okay with Shawn?"

"Yes and no." Camila gave a weak smile that never reached her eyes. There was a long silence before she sighed, "Is it okay if we talk about this later?"

For whatever reason, Lauren didn't hesitate before nodding, "Of course, whenever you're ready."

"Thank you." Camila looked overwhelmingly relieved, which only made Lauren more curious. She had no idea what had happened that made Camila feel like her only option was running away, but whatever it was, it couldn't be good. 

"How would you feel about staying in London for a few days?" Camila asked, putting a halt to Lauren's wandering thoughts.

"Fine with me." Lauren shrugged, "This trip is all about you. As long as you're happy, I'm good with whatever." 

Camila nodded before softly correcting, "Don't take this the wrong way..." She paused, her eyes glued to the green one's in front of her. A nervous lump formed in Lauren's throat as she waited for the girl to continue. That sentence almost never turned out well.

"I want this trip to be about us," Camila finally blurted, "I've missed you so much. You were my best friend and I really want to try and make things better again."

Well, that wasn't what Lauren had been expecting. "Um..." She trailed off, not really knowing what to say. 

"I treated you like shit and you have every right to be angry with me, but I promise that I will never treat you that way again."

Lauren opened her mouth to respond, but Camila cut her off with another desperate plea.

"Whatever I need to do to help you forgive me, I'll do it. If I need to wait, I'll wait. If it takes getting on my knees, I'll do it. If you wa–"

"Camz, stop it." Lauren chuckled, reaching out to hold the brunette's hand. "Even though it would be hilarious to see you begging for forgiveness on your knees, that's not what I want." 

Camila blushed a little, but moved to lace their fingers together.

"I'm not saying that I've totally forgiven you," Lauren took in a deep breath, "but I'm working on it. I've missed you too and I would love to work on our friendship while we're in Europe." 

"Good." Camila breathed out all at once. "This is going to be so much fun, I have so many awesome ideas."

"Like what?" Lauren smiled. They were still holding hands and she moved to play with Camila's fingers.

"Secret things."

The comment made Lauren roll her eyes. "Can you at least tell me which countries you plan on visiting."

"How about this," Camila smirked, "you let me read a page in your journal, and I'll tell you all of the fun things I have planned."

"No way." Lauren let out a harsh laugh and released Camila's hand. Reaching out to pick up her journal, she tucked it away in her lap and gave a wry grin. 

"Seriously?" Camila whined, trying to persuade Lauren with her cuteness. It didn't work.

"Seriously."

"I'll let you read my journal from the Fifth Harmony days." Camila wiggled her eyebrows, looking like an absolute dork.

Lauren let out a short giggle, "You would never follow through with that, but nice try."

"Yes I would." Camila gave a challenging stare, leaning forward on the table for effect.

Lauren shook her head and stood. Walking across the plane, she tucked her journal away in her suitcase and turned around, "No deal."

Camila crossed her arms over her chest and adopted an adorable pout, "Fine." She sighed before standing up, "We still have like three hours before we get to London, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Lauren shrugged, "It's your plane, you pick."

* * *

 

"We are not watching something scary." Camila demanded, taking the DVD out of Lauren's hand. They'd been trying to decide on a movie for the last ten minutes and it wasn't going well.

"Fine, but I refuse to watch Tangled." Lauren huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What, why?"

"Because I've seen it a million times."

"So," Camila mumbled, rummaging through the stash of movies for the thousandth time. "What about Frozen?"

"Here's an idea," Lauren gave an ironic smile, "let's not watch something that was made for children."

"You are literally so annoying." Camila glared, shaking her head in disbelief. Standing up, she walked over to the bed and flopped down on her back in surrender, "Pick whatever you want, just not something scary."

Mumbling profanities under her breath, Lauren knelt down to search through the pile of DVDs. In the end, she chose 'How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days' even though she really wanted to watch 'The Conjuring'. She absolutely loved scary movies and it annoyed her that Camila refused to watch them.

After slipping the disk into the player, Lauren climbed up on the other side of the bed, making sure to put plenty of distance between her and Camila. As the movie began, she glanced over to see a victorious smirk on Camila's face, which only managed to annoy her even more.

"One of these days I'm going to make you watch a scary movie." Lauren shook her head, moving to get under the covers.

"You've already done that, remember? It was horrible and I hated you afterwards."

Lauren thought back to their time on the X Factor when she'd convinced Camila to watch 'Sinister'. They had been relatively new friends back then but Camila had clung to her like a koala the entire movie. It was one of the first times Lauren began to realize her feelings for Camila were more than just friendly.

"I remember, and it was totally worth it." Lauren smirked, earning an irritated glare in return. 

As the movie started, neither girl said another word. Thirty minutes later, Camila was passed out and snoring. At some point in her sleep, she'd managed to roll over and throw an arm around Lauren's waist.

Instead of moving, Lauren did her best to ignore the beautiful brunette, which she regretted once Camila shifted even closer. The girl was practically laying on top of her, and her stupid coconut shampoo was extremely distracting. Eventually, it became too much and Lauren tried to slip away, only to have Camila squeeze against her more tightly. 

The good news was that they would be landing soon and Lauren only had to stay in the position a little longer. Sighing, she closed her eyes and laid her head back against the pillow. With nowhere else to put her arms, she settled on wrapping them around Camila's back. Not that she would ever admit it, but in that moment there was no other place she'd rather be.


	7. The Arrival

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Under The Same Sun_   _by Ben Howard_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHDUSBdlKsE)

 

"Do you want to get some breakfast before we check into the hotel?" Camila asked as they made their way through Heathrow Airport. 

"It depends," Lauren dragged out with a playful smile, "Are you going to take off that stupid disguise? Because I really don't want to be seen with you in public." She teased, laughing at the annoyed glare she received in return.

Camila was wearing the most ridiculous blonde wig Lauren had ever seen and a pair of glasses that covered half of her face. Apparently, she didn't want the press to know she was in Europe. If you asked Lauren, the girl was being way over dramatic. Even if she was more famous now, wearing a disguise was just absurd.

"It's only for the airport." Camila grumbled, her eyes darting around like a crazy person. "The paps are always lurking around these places waiting to pounce."

"Oh my god, you are so embarrassing." Lauren shook her head with an amused grin. She picked up her pace, trying to put some distance between her and her dorky ex-bandmate. This was exactly why she'd decided to pursue a semi-normal life after Fifth Harmony's breakup.

"Heyyy." Camila whined, an adorable pout tugging at her lips. She had to weave through a sea of people to catch back up. 

When she finally reached Lauren, her breathing was a little labored and her real hair was beginning to peak through at the scalp. "I hired you to come to Europe so that I wouldn't get kidnapped. You can't just leave me behind the first chance you get."

Lauren let out a quiet chuckle and glanced over, "Your disguise is falling off." She slowed down to adjust the silly blonde wig. When she finished, she tapped the tip of Camila's nose like a small child and grinned, "There, you look slightly less ridiculous now."

As Lauren turned and started walking again, Camila adopted an incredulous frown. "Why are you in such a good mood all of the sudden?" 

"I don't know," Lauren shrugged, leading them towards the exit. As they stepped outside, she took in a lung full of London air and smiled, "Traveling makes me happy."

Camila raised a skeptical eyebrow, "You're a very interesting person, you know that?"

"Why? Because I like to travel?"

"No," Camila dragged out, digging into her purse for her phone. "Because I can never tell if you hate me or not." 

Lauren's pleasant expression fell away, "What do you mean?" 

"I don't know... when we first got on the plane it was like you couldn't even stand to be around me, now you're being all nice and cute. It's confusing." Camila shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but failing.

"Yeah, well I was angry with you for manipulating me into coming to Europe, then I decided to get over it." Lauren huffed, feeling a little defensive. She didn't know why Camila was always trying to ruin her good moods. Couldn't the girl just be happy that she was happy?

"I didn't manipulate you." Camila frowned, reaching out to grab Lauren's hand. She pulled the girl to a halt before twisting her around so they were face to face. "Why do you think I manipulated you?"

"Oh come on," Lauren rolled her eyes. "You and I both know that whole scene at the beach was an act. You just wanted me to feel sorry for you so I'd say yes."

"That's not true."  _At least not totally._  Camila pulled her hand away and crossed her arms over her chest. "I would never do that."

"Sure, okay." Lauren let out a cynical laugh before turning to walk away, "Let's not talk about it. I'm in a good mood and I don't want to ruin it."

Camila stood still and chewed on her lower lip in contemplation. She didn't want Lauren to be mad at her, they were finally starting to get along again.

Letting out a troubled sigh, she reached out to grab ahold of Lauren's hand again. "Wait," She paused, searching the girl's emerald orbs before swallowing, "I might have embellished the urgency a little bit, but only because I was desperate for you to say yes.... I'm sorry if I upset you, it wasn't my intention." 

Lauren stood in a stunned silence for several moments. She could probably count the number of times Camila had apologized on one hand. The girl had always been so stubborn and childish when it came to admitting she was wrong; it was shocking to hear those words come from her mouth without any coercion. 

After recovering from her surprise, a slow smile spread across Lauren's lips and she nodded, "Apology accepted." She tilted her head to the side, watching as Camila's cheeks flushed a light burgundy. When the girl glanced away in shyness, Lauren let out a soft giggle and teased, "It is so hard to take you seriously with that wig on." 

Camila rolled her eyes but grinned, "Come on, we have to go get the rental car." 

"There aren't any paparazzi out here, you should just take it off."

"You don't know that." Camila laughed, bumping shoulders with Lauren. "Besides, I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"So what, they take a few pictures and people find out you're in Europe. Why is that such a big deal?"

"Because," Camila let out a weary breath, "I don't want any rumors to start."

"Why would–" Lauren interrupted herself as a lightbulb went off in her head. "Shawn doesn't know you're here does he?" She sighed, glancing over at Camila with a troubled frown. 

The silence that followed was the only answer Lauren needed, "What the hell, Camila?" She whined, feeling more annoyed than angry. She didn't know what was going on between them, but she sure as hell didn't want to get stuck in the middle of it. 

"Look, our relationship is really complicated right now." Camila ran a frazzled hand through her hair. The action took the wig right off her head and she frowned. "Oops."

A surprised giggle flew from Lauren's lips at the mishap. The girl was such a dork. Fighting to compose herself, Lauren hid her smile and asked, "What exactly does that mean?"

"It means that we are kind of on a break." Camila hurried to stuff the wig into her purse. Glancing around to make sure no one was secretly taking pictures, she ran a hand through her real hair. 

"Kind of?" Lauren raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Like I said, it's complicated." 

Their conversation was cut short as they arrived at the rentals building to pick up their car. After filling out some paperwork a man dressed in a cheap suit led them to the back parking lot. Camila chose a black Volkswagen that was nice but practical. Lauren spent most of the exchange physically biting down on her tongue to keep from bombarding Camila with questions. She wanted –no needed– to know what the hell was going on with Camila and Shawn. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, the man handed over the keys and left them alone. Lauren hurried to get into the passenger seat, only to realize it was actually the driver's. Damn foreign cars. 

"I guess you're driving." Camila smirked, slipping into the real passenger seat. 

Lauren gave her an irritated glare before snatching the keys from her hand and jamming them into the ignition. She felt like she was trying to drive a spaceship. Everything was backwards and nothing felt natural. 

"This is going to be so rough." She whined, looking down to make sure her foot was on the gas pedal and not the break. Thank god it wasn't a stick shift or they would never get out of the parking lot.

"You'll do fine." Camila tried to be encouraging, but she was nervous for Lauren. The girl had never been that good of a driver. Not even when she was driving on the right side of the road. It scared Camila to imagine what she'd be like otherwise.

"Why the hell do we drive on opposite sides of the road." Lauren growled, shifting the car into reverse and easing her way out of the parking lot. 

"Put your seatbelt on." Camila reprimanded, reaching across to strap herself in safely.

Lauren rolled her eyes but obliged. "Do we even know where we're going?" She pulled up to a stop sign and glanced over with a slightly horrified expression.

Camila let out an amused giggle at the sight and reached out to place a hand on Lauren's thigh. "Breathe." She teased, offering a cute grin before pulling away so she could type in an address on her phone. "There's a really great breakfast place on Charlotte Street, let me just pull up the directions."

Lauren took in a deep breath. She wished they could just take the tube or something. Driving in a foreign country on the opposite side of the road was terrifying. She had a special talent for taking the smallest problems and turning them into panic material, and this time it was no different. She could feel her pulse in her fingertips, her heart was beating so fast.

"Do you want me to drive?" 

"Yes, please." Lauren let out a relieved sigh. As she looked over at Camila, there was an understanding in her eyes that made Lauren want to melt into a puddle of gratitude. She'd missed having someone around who could read her so easily.

"You're cute when you worry." The girl gave a warm grin as she moved to unbuckle her seatbelt.

"I'm glad you think so, because I fucking hate it." Lauren let out a dry laugh and moved to get out of the car. 

As she circled around the front and passed by Camila, the girl gave her shoulder a light squeeze. It wasn't much for contact, but it made Lauren feel less frustrated. She didn't know how or when Camila had managed to learn every button on her body, but whether it was to piss her off or cheer her up, the girl knew exactly what to push and when.

* * *

 

Lauren let out a low whistle as they entered the quaint café. It was nine in the morning and the small place was filled with bustling bodies and warm conversation. The place had a husky feel to it, with its dark wood and iron walls. It felt as though they had been catapulted back into the medieval ages. Lauren liked it. 

"I hope we can get a table." Camila stood up on her tip toes to glance around the crowded restaurant. The sight made Lauren smile. She continued to watch the girl until she glanced back and caught Lauren staring. 

"What?" Camila asked, a shy grin playing at her lips.

"Nothing." Lauren shook her head, moving to change the subject. "This is an awesome place."

"I knew you'd love it."

Once again, Lauren found herself staring. This time it was the twinkle in Camila's eyes that captured her attention and refused to let it go. She looked so cute and happy. That, mixed with the electric atmosphere, made for a very fuzzy feeling in Lauren's stomach. 

"Welcome to Barnyard." A perky waitress showed up, shattering the frozen moment, "Just the two of you?"

"Yep." Camila chirped, glancing over with an innocent smile. She winked at Lauren then, and if Lauren hadn't been watching her so closely, she probably would have convinced herself that it hadn't happened.

"Booth or table?" The woman asked, her English accent sounding strange but nice. 

Lauren glanced over at Camila, but the girl just shrugged. "Booth please." Lauren answered for them, offering a pleasant half-smile. 

They were seated in the far corner of the café where it was quieter and more private. After taking their drink order, the waitress gave them each a menu and sauntered off.

"So, what's good here?" Lauren asked, her eyes roaming over the long list of breakfast items. 

"I always get the banana waffles," Camila blushed a little, "But you would probably like the full English breakfast."

"Sounds good to me." Lauren set her menu down just as the waitress returned with their waters. 

They took turns ordering before the woman left again. A comfortable silence settled between them and Lauren took the opportunity to look around the cute café. She absolutely loved the vibe of the place. It was so chill and cozy, she thought it may be one of her new favorite restaurants. 

"So," She focused her attention back on Camila, "We never got to finish talking about you and Shawn." She took a sip of her water, trying to sound as casual as possible. 

"Do we have to?" Camila whined, her lower lip jutting out in a pout.

"No," Lauren paused for a half second before adding, "But I  _really_  want to."

"Fine." Camila shifted awkwardly on her side of the booth, "What do you want to know?"

"Are you guys together or not?"

Camila let out a long sigh. It took a moment for her to answer, but when she did she spoke with confidence and composure, "We are currently on a break."

"And what does that mean exactly?" 

"It means that we each need to sort through some personal stuff before we can take the next step in our relationship."

Lauren nodded but she wasn't satisfied with the answer. It didn't make sense. Why would Camila want to runaway? If it wasn't the pressure of fame, then it had to be something in her personal life. The way Lauren saw it, the only person who could make her so miserable she'd want to flee, was Shawn. 

"You look upset." Camila spoke quietly, tilting her head slightly off to the side.

"No, I was just thinking." Lauren gave a weak smile before changing the subject. If Camila didn't want to open up about Shawn, then she couldn't force it. "What are your plans while we're here in London."

The change in Camila's demeanor was instantaneous. Sitting up straight, an excited grin tugged at her lips and she leaned forward over the table. "I have a really good idea, but I'm not sure it will work out yet, so I don't want to say."

"Well that's not very fair." Lauren laughed. Camila's happiness was magnetic and she found herself leaning forward just to be closer. 

"Fine, I'll give you a hint. You used to be obsessed with them when you were younger."

Lauren squinted, an entertained grin tugging at her lips. "Is it a band?"

"Maybe." Camila smirked, her eyes flickering to Lauren's mouth before bouncing back up, "Maybe not."

"Hmm." Lauren leaned back, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth. She had no idea what Camila had planned, but she was excited nonetheless. They could pick up trash by the side of the road for all she cared. As long as she was with Camila, it was bound to be amazing.

* * *

 

They checked into their hotel around noon. Camila had booked them a single room with two queen sized beds and Lauren was still trying to decide how she felt about it. Instead of making any comments, she quietly followed Camila up to the fourth floor. 

As they got inside and settled in, Camila excused herself to take a shower and Lauren took her laptop down to one of the conference rooms near the lobby. She wanted to Skype with Dinah and Normani, and since there was a good chance they'd end up talking about Camila, she wanted to be somewhere private.

After connecting to the WiFi and setting up her computer, Lauren texted Dinah and told her to accept the request. A few minutes later, Dinah and Normani popped up on the other side of the screen.

"Hey guys." Lauren smiled, giving them a little wave.

"It's three in the morning our time." Dinah grumbled, looking tired and grumpy.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Lauren frowned, then she squinted, "Hey, you had to have been awake already, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten my text." 

Normani and Dinah shared an interesting look, and it was then that Lauren noticed their frumpy clothes and messy hair.

"Eww." She squealed, looking back and forth between her two friends, "You could've at least put your bra back on Normani." Lauren scrunched her face up, trying to stop the barrage of images rushing her brain. She really didn't want to be picturing her two friends going at it. 

"Sorry." Normani blushed, standing up to retrieve an oversized sweatshirt. 

Dinah just winked into the camera, a smug grin tugging at her lips. "It's your fault for wanting to Skype so late." The girl chuckled at the horrified expression on Lauren's face. When Normani returned, she pulled the girl onto her lap and placed a quick kiss against her lips.

"Whatever," Lauren rolled her eyes, desperate to change the subject. "You guys made me promise updates, so here I am."

"Great." Normani smiled, shifting to get off of Dinah's lap. The younger girl whined in protest and Normani shushed her by grabbing ahold of her hand. "Did you ask Camila why she's running away?"

"Right to the point." Lauren chuckled, amused with her friend's straightforward personality. "And yes, I asked her."

"What did she say?" Dinah questioned, reaching out to adjust her computer screen. 

"Not much." Lauren sighed, thinking back to the lame answer Camila had given. "It has something to do with Shawn, but I have no idea what it is specifically, she was super vague when I asked."

"Interesting." Normani hummed, stealing another glance at her girlfriend. Dinah rose a suspicious eyebrow and it was like they were having some secret conversation.

"What?" Lauren spoke up, leaning forward into her computer. 

"Nothing." Dinah and Normani spoke in unison. 

"That look didn't seem like nothing."

"What else did Camila say?" Normani ignored Lauren's question, moving to absentmindedly caress the inside of Dinah's thigh.

"Just that she and Shawn were taking a break... and that their relationship was really complicated right now."

"Interesting." Normani said again.

"Would you quit saying that." Lauren huffed, running a hand through her dark hair. Talking with her friends was supposed to help, not make her feel worse.

"Sorry," Normani offered a sympathetic look, "I just don't trust Camila. Like at all."

Lauren sighed. That's not what she wanted to hear. "What about you Dinah?" She asked, shifting her gaze across the computer screen.

"I don't know." The younger girl shrugged, "I love Camila and all, but I trust Normani's gut. She's always been good with feelings like this."

"Great." Lauren grumbled, her shoulders sagging in defeat. 

"But hey," Dinah chirped, "You should still give the girl a chance. If I know Mila, then she probably has a good heart behind whatever it is she's hiding."

"That's not very reassuring." Lauren chewed on the inside of her cheek. She wished that all of the uncertainty and doubt could just disappear. She wanted to trust Camila again. So far, their trip was off to a really great start and she really didn't want to worry about what Camila was or wasn't hiding.

"It's gonna work out." Dinah gave an optimistic grin, "When it comes to you and Camila, it always does."

Lauren wasn't exactly sure what that meant but she nodded anyway. Taking a deep breath, she held onto Dinah's words like they were a life jacket. Maybe if she worked hard enough to believe them, everything really would turn out okay.


	8. The Talk

[Listen while reading and try not to cry: ♫  _Friends by Ed Sheeran_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw6e0EiZZW4)

 

"Let's go somewhere." Camila set her book on the night stand and rolled over onto her stomach. Propping up on her elbows, she placed her head in her hands and glanced over at Lauren who was occupying her own bed.  

It was late and the green-eyed brunette had her nose buried in a copy of 'Wuthering Heights'. An affectionate smile tugged at Camila's lips as she watched Lauren silently mouth out the words. Every once and a while her eyebrows would furrow together and her lips would purse in concentration. 

"Hello?" Camila tried again to get the girl's attention. When she didn't respond, Camila grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room. It hit Lauren right in the chest, knocking the book from her hands. 

"What the hell?" Lauren looked up with an irritated glare. She gathered up the pillow and fired it back at her ex-bandmate. "What was that for?"

Camila ducked out of the way just in time, an amused giggle tumbling from her lips. "You were ignoring me."

Lauren rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair to fix the damage caused by the pillow. Without responding, she picked up her book and thumbed through the pages to find where she'd left off. 

Camila found herself mesmerized by the way the dim, yellow lighting curved around Lauren's face and accentuated her strong jawline and sharp cheek bones. She was gorgeous. The type of pretty that made a girl feel both jealous and a little confused. 

"Let's go somewhere." Camila repeated, a familiar warmth spreading throughout her rib cage. The longer she stared at Lauren, the harder it was to draw in a full breath. She couldn't explain the tightness in her chest but it felt... nice. And scary.

"It's nine o'clock at night." Lauren stated, as if that fact was the only argument she needed.

"Yeah, but I want to go on an adventure." Camila smiled, moving to roll off the mattress. As she went to stand, her foot got caught in the sheets and she fell face first into the carpet. A surprised squeak flew from her lips and she stuck her hands out to brace for the fall. 

A few seconds later, she popped up with pink cheeks and an embarrassed grin. Glancing over, her heart skipped a beat when she saw the affectionate twinkle in Lauren's eyes. She decided then that she liked falling. In fact, she would fall a thousand times a day if it meant Lauren would continue to look at her that way.

"You alright?"

"What? Oh ya, I'm fine." Camila gave a shy smile, moving to untangle her foot from the bedding and straighten out her clothes. There was a short silence before Lauren's husky voice filled the room.

"Can we just have a quiet night in?" The girl sighed, glancing up with a cute pout, "I'm not really feeling very adventurous."

"Come on." Camila whined, walking over to retrieve a sweatshirt from her suitcase. When she stood back up and glanced over her shoulder, she noticed the way Lauren's eyes lingered on her backside. Raising an amused eyebrow, Camila waited for the girl to meet her stare. When Lauren did, her cheeks flushed an adorable shade of burgundy and she hurried to avert her gaze.

"We're in London," Camila slipped the sweatshirt over her head and turned around, "I want to go exploring." 

Lauren let out a long sigh and put her book down. Camila wondered if something was wrong. The girl had been acting strange ever since they'd arrived at the hotel. At first Camila had attributed it to exhaustion, but then they'd each taken a long nap. Whatever was bothering Lauren, it had to be mental. 

"Is everything okay?" Camila voiced her insecurities out loud, playing with her ring finger as an anxious habit.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" 

"You just seem a little bit off... I wanted to make sure I didn't do something wrong."

Lauren gave a sad smile and got up from the bed. Camila watched as she walked to the other side of the room and tucked her book away in her suitcase. She ran a hand through her dark hair and sighed.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Lauren promised. 

Camila thought it sounded like a lie. 

"I'm just in a weird mood." The older girl shrugged, letting out a quiet sigh.

"That's okay, we could always go exploring another time." Camila tried to hide the disappointment from her voice, but a crack at the end gave her away. She almost wanted to laugh at the role reversal. Normally it was Lauren trying to get her to go out and have fun. 

The silence that followed was a little awkward. Camila stood unsure of herself on one side of the room, while Lauren stood deep in thought on the other. Just as Camila went to clear her throat and change the subject, Lauren spoke up.

"You know what?" She nodded, her green eyes landing on Camila, "I change my mind, an adventure does sound like fun." 

Camila adopted an excited grin. "Really?"

"Yeah." Lauren laughed, "It's not everyday that you get to explore new places."

Camila's smile grew so wide it was almost painful. She probably looked like a dork but she didn't care. Mostly because she knew that Lauren didn't care either. 

The girl had done more for Camila's self-esteem than she would ever know. She had always been the one to laugh at Camila's horrible jokes and listen when everyone else was pretending Camila didn't exist. 

Through meeting Lauren, Camila had come to realize that she mattered. Her stupid jokes, her insight, her well being, it all mattered. 

The best part was that Lauren had built Camila up without making herself a part of the foundation. That way, Camila would be strong enough to make it on her own. She didn't  _need_  Lauren to make her feel special, but she loved that the girl did it anyway.

"Thank you." Camila beamed, wishing she could cross the room and give the brunette a hug. Not being able to touch Lauren whenever she wanted was starting to make her skin crawl. It seemed like the more time they spent together, the harder it became to resist. 

"Of course." Lauren gave a small smile, "That's what friends are for."

 _Friends._  Camila liked the sound of that. 

* * *

 

The hot chocolate in Camila's cup had been cold for awhile but she kept her fingers wrapped tightly around the styrofoam anyway. Partly because it kept her hand from reaching out to grab Lauren's, and partly because she couldn't find a trash can. 

She and Lauren had been walking around aimlessly for almost two hours and it was amazing. The streets of London hummed softly with a quiet energy that was electric but soothing. Camila felt as though she could walk up and down the streets forever. She loved that there seemed to be parks and gardens all over the place. It made the area seam less like a city, and more like a mystery waiting to be discovered.

"It's beautiful out here." Lauren's voice surprised Camila. After spending most of the night in a comfortable silence, the raspy tone sounded pleasant but strange. 

"It is." Camila spoke quietly, following Lauren's gaze up to the midnight sky. The stars were dim but plentiful, while the moon was full and overpowering. Together they created a beautiful and romantic backdrop.

The two stopped walking for a second and Camila shifted her gaze to Lauren. The girl was staring up at the sky with a content smile on her lips. She looked so happy, it made a lump form in Camila's throat. She wanted to touch Lauren, not just with hands but with words. She wanted to tell Lauren how beautiful she looked and how much their friendship meant to her. She wanted Lauren to know how sorry she was and how much it killed her to know that she was responsible for their falling out. 

She wanted to tell Lauren the truth. 

Taking a deep breath, Camila averted her gaze. She was starting to act like a creep with all the staring. But, in her defense, Lauren looked different tonight. More sharp and present. Maybe Camila was crazy, but it almost felt as though she was experiencing Lauren for the first time. The sensation was abstract and hard to explain. The more she tried to make it a tangible thought, the harder it became. She finally decided that some feelings were simply too magnificent for words. 

Clearing her throat, Camila walked up to a trash can and threw away her cold cup of hot chocolate. As it collided with the bottom of the empty tin, the loud thump echoed throughout the quiet streets. Cringing a little, Camila slid her palms into the back pockets of her jeans and turned around.

"Are you cold?" Once again, Lauren's voice was startling. Jumping a little, Camila glanced up to see the girl watching her with a tender smile.

"A little bit." Camila shrugged, enchanted by the way the streetlights reflected in Lauren's bright green eyes. 

"Here." Lauren took her leather jacket off and passed it over. She was wearing a thin black sweatshirt underneath and Camila frowned. 

"It's fine." Lauren chuckled, reading the smaller brunette's mind. "I'm not cold at all."

"Thanks." Camila smiled. As she slipped her arms inside the leather, Lauren's earthy perfume surrounded her. It wrapped around every inch of Camila's body, warming her insides more than any jacket ever could. 

Lauren just nodded, an easy smile tugging at her lips. 

The two began walking again with no particular destination in mind. Camila decided that it was strangely freeing to move without purpose. She had no idea where her feet were headed, but she kept picking them up and setting them down as if she did.

Some time later, they found themselves strolling through another random park. This one was smaller and more secluded than the rest. It reminded Camila of an extravagant garden with its immaculate archways and scattered paths. Small lights twinkled in all of the trees and bushes, bathing the different pathways in yellow light. 

"Which way should we go?" Camila whispered, afraid that her voice might ruin the magical atmosphere. 

"How about this way?" Lauren glanced over with a heart-stopping smile.

Camila swallowed before nodding. Was it possible for someone to literally take your breath away? 

"Hey, look at this." Lauren chirped, pointing to a small white fountain that was tucked away behind a gate. The area was completely lit up with christmas lights and there were several wooden benches scattered all around. 

It looked like a scene from a movie and Camila felt her jaw drop to the ground. "That is so beautiful." 

"We have to go inside." Lauren looked over, her eyes wide with excitement. She wiggled her eyebrows at Camila, the silly action making her appear several years younger. 

Camila watched as Lauren turned and made her way towards the gate. After a few hard tugs on the barrier, the girl let out a whiny groan and glanced back.

"Guess not." Camila giggled, walking up to Lauren's side. She too pulled on the black bars, but they didn't budge.

"Good thing we're both wearing pants." Lauren smirked, lifting up on her tippy toes. Her chin just barely rose above the gate and she smiled. 

"Why does th–" 

The words died in Camila's throat as she watched Lauren place a foot on the bottom bar and push off the ground. In one athletic motion, the girl pulled herself up and hopped over to the other side.

"Oh my god." Camila breathed out, a horrified expression on her face.

"What?" Lauren smirked.

"Are you insane!?"

"Maybe a little." Lauren chuckled, "Now, are you coming or not?"

"I can't do that, are you kidding me!?" Camila huffed, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "I can barely tie my shoes without falling over."

Lauren let out a throaty laugh that made Camila's stomach feel fuzzy. "Come on, I'll help you."

"How are you going to do that?"

Lauren rolled her eyes. She stuck her arms through the bars and laced her fingers together, creating a cup with her hands. "Just step in my hands and I'll hoist you up. Once you're balanced at the top, all you have to do is jump down and I'll catch you."

"That does not sound like a good plan." Camila shook her head, taking a reflexive step backwards.

"Whatever," Lauren huffed, "The gate is barely five feet tall, you'll be fine."

Camila chewed on the inside of her cheek while she thought about it. She  _really_  wanted to go inside, and Lauren  _had_  made it look super easy. "Fine, I'll do it."

"Yay!" Lauren beamed, sounding like a small child. 

Taking in a deep breath, Camila stepped forward and placed the center of her foot in Lauren's hands. She reached up as high as she could and grabbed ahold of the bars above her head. 

"You've got this." Lauren smiled, her confidence pouring out into Camila. "On three. One... two... three!"

Camila pushed off the ground at the same time Lauren lifted her up. The next thing she knew, she had one foot on the top of the gate and the other was still in Lauren's hands. She hurried to grip the top bar for balance. 

"Alright, I'm going to let go of your foot," Lauren looked up, her eyes shining with pride, "Once I do, jump down and I'll catch you."

Camila nodded. When she felt the pressure leave her foot she dove forward with eyes closed. A second later she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her torso and her feet met the ground. The two girls stumbled backwards for a few steps but Lauren was strong enough to keep them upright. 

"I did it!" Camila squealed, circling her arms around Lauren's waist in a bone crushing hug.

"That was amazing." Lauren giggled, her warm breath tickling the side of Camila's face. 

"Thanks." Camila blushed, moving to pull away. She let her hands linger on Lauren's hips for a moment before she gave them a quick squeeze and smiled. "Let's go check this place out."

She stepped away from Lauren and looked around the beautiful alcove. Her heart raced with adrenaline and excitement as she walked over to the sizable fountain and peered inside. The bottom was littered with silver coins and she smiled. 

"I can't believe this place." Lauren spoke quietly, appearing at Camila's side. She was standing so close their shoulders touched, prompting Camila's breath to hitch. 

They stood in silence admiring the breathtaking view. After several moments Lauren let out a content sigh and went to sit at one of the benches. Camila wasn't sure whether she was supposed to follow or not, but she wanted to be near Lauren again so she trailed after like a smitten puppy. She watched as the girl took a seat and quickly tried to decide how close she could sit without it being weird. In the end, Camila chose to put as little distance between them as possible.

"Thank you for taking me on an adventure." Lauren looked over as Camila plopped down next her on the bench.

"Of course, I'm glad you came with me."

There was a short silence before Lauren let out a heavy breath, "I'm sorry I was acting so weird earlier."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Camila spoke hesitantly. She was still trying to figure out the appropriate boundaries between them, both physically and emotionally.

"I'm not really sure how to say it..." Lauren trailed off. She reached up to rub at the back of her neck before glancing over with a nervous grimace. 

"You can trust me." Camila's eyebrows furrowed together in concern and she absentmindedly shifted closer. Her thigh brushed against Lauren's and she watched as the girl glanced down to inspect the contact. 

A defeated sigh fell from Lauren's lips and she swallowed, "That's the problem, Camila. I don't know if I  _can_  trust you."

Okay, Camila really hadn't been expecting that. Drawing in a surprised breath, she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out so she shut it again. Her chest felt tight in a painful and claustrophobic way. 

"I don't understand." Camila finally stuttered, searching Lauren's eyes in desperation. She wasn't exactly sure what she was looking for, but whatever it was, she didn't find it.

"It's not that I don't  _want_  to trust you," Lauren hurried to explain. She placed a gentle hand on Camila's thigh and leaned forward, trying to convey her feelings, "It's just that you make it really hard."

"I don't understand." Camila mumbled again. She was starting to sound like a broken record, but it was the only coherent thought she could formulate.

"You really hurt me two years ago." 

"How many times do I have to apologize?" Camila spoke calmly with no venom in her tone. She understood that Lauren was upset, but she was at a loss. There was only so much she could do to make things better between them.

"It's not that."

Camila shook her head, her throat burning with unshed tears. "Then what?"

There was a tense silence as Lauren glanced away and bit down on her lip, "It's this whole mess with you and Shawn, and the running away. It's weird, Camila. I can't help but feel like you're hiding something."

Camila didn't know what to say so she stayed quiet. Then, when the heavy silence became unbearable, she spoke, "I wish I could tell you, but I can't." She watched Lauren's reaction carefully. The girl looked more hurt than angry, and that made Camila's chest even tighter.

"That's why I don't trust you." Lauren spoke so quietly, Camila had to strain her ears in order to hear.

The second Camila made sense of Lauren's whisper, she wished that she hadn't tried so hard to listen. The words were like a dull knife plunging into her chest. She knew that her secrets were toxic and painful because they had been eating her alive for years. She understood Lauren's misery and that only made it worse. There was nothing she could do about it. Lower lip trembling, Camila jerked away as though she had been physically injured.

"Hey," Lauren followed her, erasing the distance Camila had put between them. She reached up with a hesitant hand and cupped the girl's cheek. Running her thumb gently beneath Camila's eye, she whispered, "Don't cry."

"Sorry." Camila shook her head, reaching up to wipe her nose with her sleeve. Afterwards, she realized that she was still wearing Lauren's leather jacket and her shoulders slumped. She opened her mouth to apologize again but Lauren interrupted her.

"It's fine." The brunette chuckled, letting her hand fall to Camila's chin. She lifted the girl's face, tenderly insisting on eye contact. "It's going to be okay.  _We_  are going to be okay."

Camila swallowed the lump in her throat, wondering how Lauren could speak those words with such confidence, "How?"

Lauren gave a sad smile. She released Camila's chin so that she could grab the girl's hand instead. Glancing down, she watched as their fingers intertwined before peering back up, "We're going to work on it. I'm not asking you to spill all of your secrets right away, but I want to know that you'll tell me eventually."

That was a lot to ask. Camila knew that Lauren would regret her request the second everything came into the light. She probably wouldn't want anything to do with Camila once she discovered the truth. Then again, she didn't want anything to do with Camila now, so what was there to lose?

"Okay, I promise." Camila nodded. The thought of opening up absolutely terrified her, but it wasn't like things could get any worse... or so she'd hoped.

"Good." Lauren grinned, reaching up to wipe another stray tear from Camila's eye. "I promise to be honest with you as well."

Camila bit her lip and nodded. Taking in a deep breath, she asked, "Friends?"

Lauren's smile fell away and Camila's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. She watched Lauren shake her head 'no', and it felt as though the air in her lungs had turned to needles.

"It's not friendship," Lauren's voice was deep and raspier than normal. Her words twisted what was left of Camila's heart and just when Camila thought she couldn't take anymore, Lauren drew in a shaky breath and said, "I know you're with Shawn and things are complicated, but I think it's time we stop pretending there isn't something more going on between us."

Camila nodded as a half sob, half giggle tore from her lips. She couldn't form a coherent sentence, so she leaned forward to wrap Lauren in a desperate hug. Her fingers gripped the brunette's shoulders with such ferocity she feared it would leave a mark, but she couldn't help herself. They were chest to chest but it still wasn't close enough. 

Choking out another sob, Camila buried her face deeper into Lauren's neck. As she held onto the girl for dear life, Camila didn't feel content... she felt terrified. This was only the beginning. There was so much more to come; Lauren still didn't know the truth. The secrets that Camila was harboring were going to affect more than just the two of them. 

"Promise me you won't leave if things get hard." Camila begged, continuing to cling to Lauren like a life line.

"I promise to try." Lauren swallowed, her own tears beginning to spill out onto her cheeks.

It wasn't the answer Camila had wanted but it was better than nothing. At least Lauren was being honest. She was already off to a better start than Camila.


	9. The Progress

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Heart's On Fire by Passenger_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6nE7TZmQ08)

 

"It's getting late." Lauren murmured into Camila's hair. She had no idea how long they had been sitting on the park bench wrapped in each others arms, but it was becoming more and more difficult to keep her eyes open.

"I like it here." Camila whispered, repositioning her head on Lauren's shoulder. "I don't want to leave."

Lauren hummed low in her throat. She didn't want to leave either. The secluded garden was too amazing for words. Not only was it the most beautiful place Lauren had ever been to, but the magical atmosphere had also managed to pull out the buried feelings from within her chest. She'd always known her relationship with Camila was special, but she'd never admitted it out loud... at least not until a few hours ago.

"Let's just stay a little bit longer." Camila spoke quietly, her raspy voice sending chills down Lauren's spine. "Can I lay in your lap?" She asked, lifting her head from Lauren's shoulder so she could look the brunette in the eyes. 

"Sure." Lauren smiled, moving to uncross her legs. She watched as Camila gave a shy grin and swung her feet up on the bench. The whites of her eyes were a little red from all of the tears but she looked beautiful. Ever since she'd stopped crying, the dorky smile hadn't left her lips and it made Lauren giddy to know that she was responsible for the girl's happiness. 

They fell into a comfortable silence as Camila laid on her back, resting her head on Lauren's upper thighs. The steady splashing of water in the fountain, mixed with the faded sounds of the city, made for a beautiful and soothing backdrop. 

It took a few minutes for Lauren to work up the courage, but she eventually reached out to run her fingers through the hair at Camila's scalp. It was something she'd done almost every night back when they used to share hotel beds. It had always been Camila's favorite, while back massages were Lauren's.

"Don't stop." Camila closed her eyes and let out a soft moan of approval. The sound made Lauren's pulse spike and she cleared her throat to distract herself. She watched as a small smile spread across Camila's lips and wondered if the girl was as innocent as she pretended to be. Probably not.

"Tell me something fun." Lauren spoke up, doing her best to ignore the warmth spreading throughout her abdomen. 

"Like what?" Camila hummed, not bothering to open her eyes. 

"I don't know, something good that's happened in the last three years." Lauren switched so that her left hand was massaging Camila's scalp. She used her right one to pluck an eyelash from the younger girl's cheek before awkwardly returning her arm to her side. 

"Anything?" Camila reached out to grab the hand that wasn't massaging her scalp. She placed it so that Lauren's fingers were sprawled out over her stomach and smiled.

"Anything." Lauren bit down on her lip. They had always been physically affectionate with each other but this felt different. Maybe it was all in Lauren's head, but it seemed like every touch meant something more. Like Camila was trying to communicate something beyond words. 

"I don't know, I can't think of anything."

"Come on," Lauren gave the girl a disbelieving frown, "there has to be something."

Camila opened her eyes and stared into the mint green orbs above her before a slow smile spread across her lips. "Sofi got into Coral Reef."

Lauren's eyebrows shot up in surprise and her hand stilled in Camila's hair. Coral Reef was one of the most prestigious schools in Miami. "That's amazing!"

"I know." Camila beamed, her chocolate eyes filling with pride. She missed her younger sister like crazy. "It's been really cool to watch her grow up. She's so beautiful and strong.... everything I wish I could've been at her age."

A wistful smile spread across Lauren's lips and she moved to stroke Camila's forehead, "Everything you are now." She gently corrected, her stomach twisting at the sad twinkle in Camila's eyes. The girl nodded but Lauren knew she didn't believe a word.

"I'm serious." Lauren stared hard into Camila's eyes. She hated that the girl was always so compassionate and quick to forgive when it came to other people but never with herself. It wasn't fair.

"I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself." Lauren sighed, moving to stroke the girl's hair again.

Camila rolled her eyes and chose not to respond. It was frustrating that Lauren could see through her lies. But it had always been that way. Lauren was probably one of the only people, besides Camila's parents, that continued to think the best of Camila even when the rest of the world seemed to hate her guts.

"You're beautiful and strong and so much more. Quit treating yourself like crap." Lauren frowned, giving what she thought was an authoritative glare.

Apparently it wasn't quite as domineering as she'd hoped because Camila let out a quiet giggle and said, "You're cute when you try to be bossy."

"What do you mean 'try'?" Lauren huffed, moving to cross her arms over her chest.

"Just kidding," Camila quickly hid her smile before reaching up to grab Lauren's hand and put it back on her head. "You are extremely bossy and intimidating. I promise to try and be nicer to myself."

"That's what I thought." Lauren grinned triumphantly, moving to massage Camila's scalp again. "Now, tell me something happy that's happened to  _you_."

"I just did." Camila tried to play stupid. It earned her another unamused glare.

"That was something cool that happened to Sofi, I want to know something about you."

"Fine." Camila reached for Lauren's free hand and interlaced their fingers. "I started writing poetry again."

Lauren's heart swelled at the words and she felt a lump form in her throat, "Aww, Camz," she breathed out, "I'm so proud of you."

Camila blushed a little and bit down on her lip, "It's not that big of a deal."

"Are you kidding me," Lauren shook her head, "I was so sad when you told me you stopped, you've always had such a beautiful way with words."

"Thanks." Camila grinned, the pink in her cheeks growing almost burgundy. 

"What made you start again?"

The smile slowly slipped from Camila's lips and she cleared her throat, "I, uh, got a little sad after the band's break up." When she saw the worried frown on Lauren's lips she hurried to interject, "It wasn't that bad."

"I feel like you're lying." Lauren spoke softly, her tone tender and full of affection, "How bad was it really?"

Camila swallowed, once again hating that Lauren was so in tune with her inner most thoughts and feelings. "It was kind of bad." Camila finally admitted, unable to meet Lauren's gaze. She let go of the girl's hand and moved to fidget with the hem of her shirt.

Lauren watched as Camila shrunk into herself, looking shy and ashamed. It broke her heart. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." The girl sighed, moving to sit up. 

Lauren immediately missed the contact but she wasn't about to force anything. Instead, she kept her mouth closed and watched as Camila battled within herself. She didn't want to push the brunette to open up, she wanted Camila to do it on her own without any prompting or coercion. 

Finally, after what felt like hours of waiting the girl took a deep breath and spoke.

"I kind of lost it there for a little while," Camila whispered, glancing over with a fake smile. 

There was so much pain lingering in her eyes, it ripped the breath straight from Lauren's lungs. She searched her mind for the perfect thing to say. Something that would take away every ounce of Camila's sadness and replace it with joy. Unfortunately, the words refused to surface. 

"I got really depressed." Camila shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. Lauren swore she felt her heart shatter. Without thinking, she reached out and pulled Camila into a tight hug. She hated feeling so useless. 

"I'm sorry." Lauren mumbled, wishing like hell she could just find the damn words. 

"It's okay." Camila's tone was bored now, which only worried Lauren more. It sounded a lot like she was shutting down and that was never a good sign.

Lauren was at a total loss. It had never been her intention to trigger Camila. "What can I do?" She whispered almost desperately into the girl's ear.

"It's fine." Camila shook her head before pulling away, "I'll be fine."

"You don't look fine." Lauren worried, watching as Camila took in a few deep breaths. The girl's fingers were quivering as she reached up to run a hand through her hair. Lauren's heart twisted violently. 

Several minutes passed before Camila let out a shaky breath and nodded. "I went to a therapist. He told me I needed to talk about it with someone I trusted." She was starting to look less detached now, which made Lauren feel a little bit better. "I tried to call you so many times...but I always gave up after the first ring."

 _Fuck_. 

Lauren felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. First she'd made Camila cry by telling her she didn't trust her, now she'd gone and made the girl cry again, only to have Camila turn around and say something like that. She should have known better. Of course the breakup hadn't been easy on Camila. For whatever reason, Lauren had convinced herself that she was the only person who had suffered. God, she was so stupid. 

"I didn't tell you that to make you feel guilty." Camila gave a sad smile, reading Lauren's mind like she had so many times before. "I said it because it's the truth and I'm trying to make an effort." She paused again before swallowing, "I said it because I want you to know that I never stopped thinking about you. What I did to you and the other girls was awful. I know that it's messed up, but through all of the pain and heartbreak, the only thing that kept me going was the hope that you'd forgive me someday... since I couldn't forgive myself."

Lauren's heart had never felt so heavy or flawed. It killed her to think that while she had been crying into her bandmates' arms, Camila had been all alone. The realization was heartbreaking. Lauren felt horrible. She'd shut Camila out to protect herself and ended up breaking her best friend in the process. 

Lauren didn't even notice she was crying until Camila reached up to cup her cheek. She used the pad of her thumb to wipe away a stray tear.

"I did though..." Camila gave a sad smile, "forgive myself, I mean. So don't feel like you have to."

The sincerity in the younger girl's voice made Lauren's heart twitch. She was disappointed in herself but proud of Camila. 

"I forgive you," Lauren finally breathed out. For the first time since the band's breakup, she actually meant it. Camila's hand was still resting on her cheek and she leaned into the warm touch. "I hope you'll forgive me as well."

A confused frown tugged at Camila's lips and she tilted her head to the side, "For what?"

"For not being there." Lauren closed her eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. "You needed me and I shut you out. That day at my apartment, I should have given you the chance to explain."

The silence that followed made Lauren's stomach turn. She opened her eyes expecting the worst.

"Thank you." The younger girl smiled, something dangerously close to love in her eyes.

"For what?" Lauren whispered, mesmerized by the flecks of gold scattered throughout Camila's brown eyes. They seemed to catch the light and reflect it tenfold; it was enchanting.

"For everything." Camila shrugged, a dopey grin playing at her lips. 

A brief silence settled between them as Lauren drank in the moment. For the first time since her and Camila's falling out, she felt her heart begin to mend. She remembered something her dad had told her about forgiveness; that it wasn't something you did for other people, but for yourself. He used to say that true forgiveness was a process, not a one time decision. Lauren had never understood those words until now.

All of the sudden she felt overwhelmed with regret and sadness, but also joy and hope. It was such a strange combination of emotions. She knew it was twisted, but having so much pain mix with so much pleasure made her feel alive. 

A wistful smile spread across Lauren's lips and she felt a warm tear escape from the corner of her eye. It slid down the side of her nose and onto her upper lip. Her breath lodged in her throat when she felt Camila's thumb brush against the sensitive flesh. As her eyes met Camila's, something strange happened. As if there had been a shift in the moon's rotation, Lauren felt the tides begin to turn.

Camila grinned as if to say she felt it to. Lauren didn't know who was closing the distance but the space between them was getting smaller and smaller. Closing her eyes, she couldn't tell if time was speeding up or slowing down. All she knew was the rapid thumping of her heart and the electric feel of Camila's hand against her cheek. 

When Camila's breath danced across her lips she shuttered. A second later, Lauren felt the girl press a kiss to the side of her cheek, it was near to her mouth but not close enough.

"We can't," Camila let out a shaky sigh before pulling away, "at least not yet."

"Why the fuck not?" Lauren breathed out, her eyes still closed and her heart still thumping.

"Because," Camila giggled, removing her hand from Lauren's face, "We're gonna do it right this time."

Lauren slowly opened her eyes, hating that Camila was right. The girl offered her a lop sided grin before moving to rest her head on Lauren's shoulder again.

"Just think about how much better it's going to be when we finally  _do_  kiss." Camila smirked.

"Fuck that, I'd rather just get it over with." Lauren huffed, only half-joking.

Camila slapped her thigh, keeping her hand in place afterwards. She began drawing random lines over the inside of Lauren's knee before saying, "Are you ready for your surprise tomorrow?"

"Depends," Lauren sighed, moving to wrap an arm around Camila's shoulders, "Are you going to let me kiss you at the end?"

"Stop it." Camila giggled, scooting even closer. She waited a few seconds before mumbling, "I'm kind of nervous that you won't like it."

"What? Kissing you?" Lauren leaned back, prompting Camila to glance up, "I already know I'll love it. Unless you're a bad kisser, then maybe we should just forget about this whole thing now." She teased, gesturing between them with her free hand.

"You're the worst." Camila huffed, moving to rest her head back against Lauren's shoulder, "And I was talking about the surprise, not us kissing. You idiot."

"Tell me what the surprise is and I'll let you know if I like it or not." Lauren let out an amused chuckle. She'd almost forgotten how much fun it was to annoy Camila. 

"It won't be as fun if I tell you."

"It might not be any fun at all," Lauren teased.

Camila let out an irritated huff and pulled away. As she went to stand, Lauren grabbed her hand and gave it a tug. The girl fell back into her lap with a surprised squeak.

"What the hell?" Camila tried to hold back her giggle but she couldn't help it.

"Whatever you have planned for tomorrow, I'm sure I'll love it." Lauren promised, enjoying their close proximity. Though, she really wished they hadn't almost kissed because now she couldn't stop thinking about it. Couldn't stop staring at Camila's lips. She wondered how she'd gone so long without getting distracted by them before.

"Stop that." Camila husked, moving to stand up again. 

"What?" A confused frown made Lauren's eyebrows draw together as she watched the girl take a few steps backwards. 

"You can't just look at me like that."

A knowing smirk replaced Lauren's frown. She pursed her lips and stood up from the bench, stalking towards Camila with slow steps. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ha. Nice try," Camila continued to  retreat until the back of her thighs bumped into the edge of the fountain.

"How was I looking at you?" Lauren raised an eyebrow, loving every second of Camila's awkwardness. 

"You know what, never mind." Camila cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair, "It's late, we should probably get back to the hotel."

"Right." Lauren smirked, stepping back to give Camila space. The girl let out a heavy breath and nodded, looking relieved.

Lauren watched as Camila turned to leave. After a few seconds she followed, an amused grin tugging at her lips. She wasn't exactly sure how the new dynamic was going to work between them, but she had a feeling it was going to be fun figuring it out.


	10. The Surprise

[Listen while reading: ♫  _The Backpack Song by Bear Attack_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMaD5A-cIjY)

 

A distant buzzing woke Camila up around seven the next morning. Groaning a little, she pried open her eyes and reached out to grab her phone from the nightstand. When she saw the name flashing across the screen she immediately shot upright. Heart pounding, she silenced the call and tried to lay back down.

A few minutes later, her phone started buzzing again and she swallowed. Taking a deep breath, Camila threw the covers off of her body and moved towards the door. When she stepped on a squeaky area of the floor she froze in place.

Stealing a hesitant glance over her shoulder, she let out a relieved breath when she saw that Lauren was still asleep. Not wanting to take her chances, she tiptoed the rest of the way towards the exit.

Before slipping into the hallway, Camila paused, remembering that all she had on were boy shorts and a tank top. Frowning, she turned around and searched the room for a sweatshirt to put on. When the buzzing stopped, she grimaced. Two missed calls in a row. She was going to be in so much trouble.

"Fuck it." Camila mumbled when her manager's name started flashing across the screen again. After slipping through the door in her skimpy pajamas, she took a second to compose herself before answering, "Hello?"

"Where the hell are you!?" Christy's frantic voice filled the line.

"Good morning." Camila grimaced, trying to prolong the inevitable. She felt like an idiot for not telling her management where she was.

"Good morning!? It's almost midnight!"

 _Shit._  Camila pinched the bridge of her nose and bit down on her lip. Damn time zones. After a few seconds she sighed, "I can explain."

"You better," Christy's icy tone spit out, "because Shawn just called me freaking out. He wants to call the police and report you missing! Why haven't you been answering his calls?"

"I left a note on the fridge." Camila whined, moving to pace up and down the empty hallway.

"Well, Shawn never found it. Now where are you?"

Silence filled the line and Camila felt as though she was standing at the edge of a minefield. For a split second, she thought about blowing it all up. At least then it would be over. All she had to do was start telling the truth. Her relationship with Shawn would be ruined, but the secrets were ruining her so it was only fair.

"I'm on vacation." Camila closed her eyes, her throat burning with cowardice.

"Alone?" Christy sounded skeptical, "Where?"

Too many questions, Camila was starting to feel claustrophobic. Reaching up, she rubbed at her exposed collarbone and lied, "Yes, I'm alone, and I'm not telling you where I am because I don't want anyone to find me."

The silence that followed was torturous. Camila began to wonder if her manager was still on the line. When Christy finally spoke, she sounded cold and menacing, "This is horrible timing."

"I'm sorry." Camila ducked her head in shame. Her chest grew tight with guilt, making it painful to breathe. Nothing was worse than disappointing people.

"You should be."

"I had to get away." Camila clenched her jaw, refusing to let the tears crawl up the back of her throat. It was way too early to be crying.

"Why?"

Camila opened her mouth to explain, but she couldn't. Not without blowing everything up. And so she lied again, "It's nothing serious, I'm just exhausted. The last tour really took it out of me."

Christy huffed on the other line, sounding extremely displeased. "When are you coming back?"

Camila took in a shaky breath and opened her mouth to speak,"I–"

She was cut off as the door to their room opened and a very sleepy Lauren stuck her head out. "There you are." The girl smiled, looking far too happy and innocent, "I was just about to order room service, do you want anything?"

The lazy grin on Lauren's face made Camila's heart twitch. "Maybe just some fruit." She replied, burying her phone into the bare skin of her shoulder. The smile on her lips was fake but Lauren bought it.

"Alright. Also, you should put some clothes on." Lauren smirked, her eyes running down the length of Camila's body. She took her time checking the younger girl out, then lifted her gaze and offered a playful wink.

A warm blush crawled up Camila's cheeks as she watched Lauren disappear back into their room. Feeling a rush of confidence, she put the phone up to her ear and said, "I won't be back until the end of the month."

"Are you serious!?"

"Yes." Camila affirmed, trying to sound confident and authoritative. "Now, I have to go."

"Wh-"

_Click._

Camila ended the call with a shaky exhale. It was out of character for her to stick up for herself, but she had to. This trip wasn't about Shawn or Christy, or anybody else she'd sacrificed the last few years for; it was about her. For once in Camila's life, she was going to do something that made  _her_  happy.

After taking a few moments to regroup, Camila walked over and slid her key into the lock. When the light turned green, she pushed the door open and found Lauren laying in bed watching TV. As she entered the room, the brunette offered a warm smile.

"Who were you talking to?" Lauren tried to sound casual, but there was a tightness in her tone that ruined the illusion.

Camila walked over and sat at the foot of Lauren's bed. Letting out a sigh, she answered, "It was my manager, Christy. I never told her about Europe so she's a little upset."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Camila gave a humorless laugh, "I guess Shawn called her freaking out."

Lauren raised a concerned eyebrow. After a few seconds she hesitantly asked, "He doesn't like, hurt you or anything like that, does he?"

Camila's eyebrows drew together in confusion. When her brain finally processed Lauren's question, she hurried to refute it, "No! Oh my gosh, Shawn? No way, it's not like that at all."

"Sorry," Lauren shrugged, shifting a little on the bed, "I'm just trying to figure out why you wanted to run away, I thought maybe Shawn was abusive or something."

"He's not." Camila shook her head, running a hand through her hair. "Overprotective, definitely, but he would never hurt me. At least not like that."

Lauren wanted to say something about Camila's last sentence, but she wasn't going to push it. Instead she asked, "If he's not dangerous, then why didn't you tell him about Europe?"

"I don't know." Camila sighed, "I guess I just wanted to do something for myself. I'm so sick of putting everyone else first. I just... I can't do it anymore!"

Warmth spread up Camila's cheeks and she bit down on her lower lip, she hadn't meant to get so worked up. When she peered over at Lauren, the girl gave her an understanding nod. 

"Its okay," Lauren affirmed, " I don't blame you for getting the hell out of there. I mean, maybe it would have been less trouble to tell Shawn and your manager, but obviously you didn't feel comfortable doing that. I'm proud of you for leaving. It couldn't have been easy decision to make."

A slow smile spread across Camila's lips as she stared into the sleepy green-eyes a few feet away. Lauren wasn't wearing any makeup and her hair was tied into a high ponytail. The morning sun was bathing her in the most beautiful yellow light, making her look gorgeous and perfect in every single way.

"You're not mad?" Camila walked over to the side of the bed, sitting down a few inches away. She watched Lauren sit up, an amused grin tugging at the older girl's lips.

"No," Lauren let out a short laugh, "I'm just happy that you're finally opening up."

Camila released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Shifting closer, her thigh brushed against Lauren's arm, "I'm trying to fix this mess, I promise. Thank you for being patient and not pushing me."

"Of course," Lauren smiled, "I meant what I said about wanting to trust you again. This is me taking the first step."

Camila's heart soared at Lauren's words. She had no idea what she'd done to deserve such an amazing person in her life, but she was never going to take Lauren for granted again. The girl was unbelievable.

"Can I hug you?" Camila asked with a shy smile.

Lauren rolled her eyes and gave a dopey grin. "Come here," She giggled, patting the empty space next to her.

Camila's cheeks flushed but she nodded eagerly. Lauren held the covers back as she climbed into bed. When Camila caught a glimpse of the girl's bare legs her pulse sped up. They were both wearing shorts, leaving her to shiver when their thighs brushed.

"You don't have to ask, I like cuddling you." Lauren teased, dropping the fluffy comforter over the top of them.

Camila wrapped an arm around Lauren's mid section and snuggled in close. "That's good to know." She breathed out, her words muffled against the skin of Lauren's neck.

It felt surreal to be touching like this again. Camila couldn't help but shift closer every other second. She'd been dreaming of this moment every night for the past two years. No one had ever held her the way Lauren did. She was so soft and warm, the only time Camila ever truly felt at home was in her arms.

"You're going to squish me." Lauren chuckled, shifting so that she could draw circles on the small of Camila's back.

"Sorry." She went to pull away, but Lauren's strong arms kept her close.

"You never do what I say," Lauren teased, "Why start now?"

Camila chuckled low in her throat. She loved Lauren's sense of humor. It wasn't always nice but it was funny. "You're so annoying."

Lauren grinned, laying her head back against the pillows. Camila felt the girl's chest rise and fall, then heard as she let out a sleepy yawn. "What time are we leaving?"

"Not until noon." Camila mumbled, shifting so that she could make eye contact. "We can sleep for a little bit longer."

Lauren's eyes sparkled with affection and she nodded, "I wish you would tell me what the surprise is."

"You'll find out soon enough." Camila smirked, laying her head back against Lauren's collar bone. She took in a deep breath and sighed, feeling happier than she had in a very long time.

* * *

 

Camila woke up an hour later, her limbs wonderfully intertwined with Lauren's. Drawing in a content breath, she picked her head up from Lauren's chest and poked the brunette in the ribs.

"Stop." Lauren grumbled, shifting away with a grumpy frown.

"It's time to wake up." Camila chirped, slipping out of the bed. She lifted her arms over her head in a full body stretch and smiled. When her back popped loudly, Lauren let out a disgusted groan.

Laughing at the girl's response, Camila grabbed her phone from the nightstand and padded towards the bathroom to get ready. After putting on some light makeup and brushing her teeth, she tied her hair into a messy bun and went back to get a pair of old jeans and a simple black t-shirt. 

When she glanced over and saw that Lauren was still asleep, an irritated frown appeared. They were going to be late.

"Get up." Camila nagged, walking over to shake Lauren's shoulder.

"Leave me alone." The brunette grumbled, covering her head with the blankets.

A frustrated huff escaped from Camila's lips and she put her hands on her hips, "It's 11:30, we need to get going soon."

When Lauren didn't respond, Camila adopted a determined glare. "Fine." She mumbled, grabbing ahold of the sheets and giving them a hard tug. The bedding fell in a heap on the floor, causing Lauren to look over with an angry scowl.

"Wear something comfortable." Camila instructed before sauntering back to the bathroom.

* * *

 

They didn't end up leaving until 12:30, which was annoying. As much as Camila loved spending time with Lauren, it didn't stop the brunette from getting under her skin. And so they'd spent the first hour of their car ride in stubborn silence.

"I have to pee." Lauren finally gave in, losing the quiet game. When she looked over, her face was scrunched up in a cute pout that had Camila fighting to hide a smile.

"You should've gone back at the hotel."

Lauren leaned over the console, invading Camila's space. Her vanilla shampoo was everywhere. It was extremely distracting, prompting Camila to tear her eyes from the road so she could meet the girl's emerald stare.

"I didn't have to go then." Lauren husked, her gaze flickering between Camila's eyes and mouth.

"That sucks." Camila shrugged, turning her attention back towards the road. Her heart was pounding but she hid it well.

"I hate you." Lauren huffed, falling back into her seat with arms crossed.

A triumphant smirk pulled at Camila's lips. She was proud of herself for resisting Lauren's charms, not many people could.

"Where are you taking me?" Lauren grumbled, shifting her gaze out through the passenger window. She watched in bewilderment as the English countryside flew by in a blur.

"Why do you keep asking? I'm not going to tell you." Camila chuckled, stealing a quick glance at the amusing brunette. She could be such a child sometimes.

"Because," Lauren looked over with a suspicious scowl, "I think it's weird that I've seen more livestock than people in the last thirty minutes."

Camila let out a throaty laugh and shook her head, "Why don't you just relax?"

"You know saying that makes me want to do the exact opposite, right?"

Camila shook her head and smiled. After a few minutes of silence, she reached out to turn on the stereo. A song she didn't recognize played through the speakers. When she looked over at Lauren, the girl was humming along with her eyes closed.

* * *

 

An hour later, they pulled up to their destination and Camila shut the car off. Lauren had fallen asleep so she reached out to wake her up.

"We're here." Camila grinned, giving Lauren's shoulder a light squeeze. The brunette let out a tired yawn and sat up, her eyes taking in the new scenery. It was all dirt roads and barn equipment, except for one fancy building that Camila assumed was the check-in center.

"Oh my god." Lauren looked over with a giant smile, "Are we about to do what I think!?"

"Probably." Camila beamed, her heart warming at the girl's obvious excitement.

"How did you know that I used to be obsessed with horses!?" Lauren laughed, hurrying to unbuckle her seat belt. The second she was free, she scrambled outside with enthusiasm.

Camila followed, her chest swelling with affection. As Lauren rounded the front of the car and squeezed her in a bone crushing hug, Camila thought her heart might explode.

"Thank you so much." Lauren rocked them back and forth, her breath dancing down the side of Camila's neck. A few seconds later she pulled away and gave an adorable smile, "Come on," she reached down to lace their fingers together, "I'm about to pee my pants."

Camila let out a short laugh as Lauren tugged her towards the check-in center. Before they made it to the door, an older woman walked out and introduced herself, "You must be Camila and Lauren." She stuck her hand out in greeting, "I'm Anna, the owner. Come on in and we'll get you some riding gear."

As soon as they got inside, Lauren excused herself to go to the restroom, leaving Camila and Anna to stand alone in the expensively furnished lobby.

"Thank you so much for doing this." Camila gave the woman a warm smile. They'd met yesterday on the phone, and Anna had been very cooperative as Camila insisted on renting the entire place out.

"Of course." Anna nodded, "Have either of you ever ridden a horse before?"

Camila frowned at the question, realizing that she would be riding today as well. All of the sudden her pulse picked up and her palms began to sweat. She'd been so wrapped up in surprising Lauren, she'd totally overlooked the fact that she would have to participate.

"I'm not sure about Lauren, but I never have." Camila tried to keep the nerves from shaking her vocal chords but it was useless.

Anna let out an amused laugh and smiled, "Don't worry, we get plenty of first timers. Our horses are well trained, I'm sure you'll find it all very easy."

Camila nodded but she didn't believe a word. The woman had no idea how unathletic and clumsy she was. 

"Will you be our guide on the trail ride?" Camila asked, wiping her sweaty palms against her thighs.

"Yes."

"And that's the one with the waterfall?"

"Correct."

"Great." Camila smiled, growing fidgety as the conversation fizzled out. She'd always been awful with small talk.

Thankfully, Lauren saved her from the awkward pause, "Sorry about that." The brunette reappeared, her giant smile still in place. She walked over to Camila and slipped an arm around shorter girl's waist.

Anna eyed them with a smirk before stepping back, "I'll go get you guys some riding boots, what size do you wear?"

"I'm an eight and Camila's a seven." Lauren replied before frowning, "Oh wait, that's for the States. I'm not sure what we are in European measurements."

"It's okay, we carry American apparel." Anna laughed before turning to retrieve their boots from the back room.

Lauren blushed a little before turning to stand in front of Camila. She kept a hand on the younger girl's hip as she looked around the extravagant room, "This place is insane."

Camila watched with an affectionate smile, amused by the girl's childlike curiosity.

After a few moments, Lauren looked back over and sighed, "Thanks again for doing this." She wrapped her arms around Camila's waist and pulled her in close.

"I'm glad that you're happy," Camila whispered, burying her face into the crook of Lauren's neck. It was quickly becoming her favorite place. "I was nervous that you wouldn't like the surprise."

"I love it."

Camila felt the vibration of Lauren's words more than she heard them. The sensation made her toes curl and she swallowed to keep from making a noise that she would regret later.

When they pulled apart, the electricity between them called to Camila on an instinctual level. It taunted her with  _what if's_  and  _why not's_. The longer she stared into the green eyes before her, the more her inhibitions seemed to vanish. Then, when Lauren shifted a fraction closer all sense of rationality slipped away.

She  _really_  wanted to kiss Lauren.

"Alright–" Anna appeared out of nowhere. When she saw Lauren and Camila's intimate proximity she startled, "Oh my, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Lauren stepped away, her voice sounding incredibly husky. She offered Camila an apologetic smile before turning her attention back towards the older woman.

"Here are your boots," Anna handed over the footwear before asking, "Do you want to ride Western or English?"

Camila glanced over at Lauren with a perplexed look. The green-eyed brunette chuckled before offering up an answer, "Western."

"I figured," The woman nodded. She gestured to the couch across the room and smiled, "You're welcome to sit while you put on your boots."

"Thanks." Camila grinned, still feeling flushed with embarrassment. As she turned to walk over, Lauren's hand came to rest on her lower back and a new wave of heat spread through her torso.

Camila sat down first, hoping that Lauren would be kind and put a reasonable amount of space between them. Of course, the brunette did the exact opposite. Their thighs and shoulders were touching but Camila did her best to ignore it. She didn't like public affection, it left her feeling way too hot and dirty.

"You might want to try the other foot." Lauren leaned over, whispering the words into Camila's ear.

"What?"

Lauren let out a raspy laugh, "Your shoe is on the wrong foot." She grinned, leaning down to put her own boots on.

It took Camila a moment to process the words. When she finally did, another blush filled her cheeks. "I knew that." She tried to lie but it was useless.

"Sure."

Camila let out a frustrated huff and scooted away from Lauren. The girl was evil. She knew exactly what she was doing. In fact, Camila wouldn't be surprised if Lauren was playing it up just to get a rise out of her.

Frowning, Camila focused all of her attention on tying up her boots. It was much easier without Lauren breathing down her neck.

"Ready?" Anna asked, watching as Camila secured the last lace. After receiving a nod from the brunette, she turned and headed towards the door, "Great, then let's go."

As Camila stood, Lauren went to put a hand on the small of her back again. "Don't even think about it." She slapped the girl's hand away and glared.

Lauren's eyes sparkled with amusement, "What? Why?"

"You know why." Camila mumbled, trying not to smile. In the end it was hopeless.

"You're no fun." Lauren gave a fake pout as she moved to hold the door open.

Camila rolled her eyes and chose not to respond. Instead, she picked up her pace and caught up with Anna. As they rounded the corner, a circular arena came into view and the butterflies in her stomach reawakened. Attached to the arena was a medium sized barn that held the horses. Anna led them through the massive red doors, stopping once they arrived at the stables.

The woman pointed at a pair of beautiful Buckskins, "These two will be your companions for the day. This one here," she walked over to the horse on the left and lifted her hand to stroke between its eyes, "is Charlie." She glanced over her shoulder at Camila and asked, "Are you okay with riding her?"

"Is she safe?"

Anna let out an amused chuckle and nodded, "Yes, she's one of the best horses we have."

Camila gave a shy smile, feeling like an idiot for asking the question. In her defense, she was totally freaking out. Then, the awkwardness only intensified as she raised her hand and gave Anna a big thumbs up. The older woman let out an entertained laugh before turning to enter the stall.

Lauren leaned over and poked Camila in the ribs, "You're such a nerd, I love it."

Camila gave Lauren a hard shove and glared. She was about to say something sassy in return, but Anna interrupted them by clearing her throat. A familiar heat crawled up Camila's cheeks and she quickly straightened her spine.

"Would you mind handing me that saddle behind you?"

"Sure." Lauren jumped into action, which Camila was thankful for because she had no idea what Anna was talking about.

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, the horses were brushed, saddled, and ready to ride. Anna led the animals outside by, what Camila would describe as, two very large leashes. It was honestly a little intimidating, horses were much larger in person.

When they got to the arena, Anna handed the 'leashes' over to Lauren while she opened the gate. Afterwards, she let Lauren lead the horses inside before locking up the enclosure behind them. It smelled like dust and manure, which made Camila's nose crinkle up in disgust. She was a city girl to the core. All of the grime and dirt was extremely off putting.

When Anna walked back over, she took the 'leashes' and began to explain the basics. There was a lot of pulling and directing involved. Oh, and apparently the black ropes were called lead ropes, not leashes.  _Good to know_.

"Alright, are you ready?" Anna clapped her hands together, a wide smile on her face.

 _No_. Camila thought, wishing she could back out without upsetting Lauren. It was all so overwhelming. She'd spaced out halfway through Anna's directions. All of the new information had her brain feeling like mush.

"Yes!" Lauren chirped. She looked so happy, it reminded Camila why she was doing this in the first place.

"Great," Anna nodded, "step into the stirrup with your left foot and swing your right leg over the horse's back. Feel free to grab onto the top of the saddle for leverage."

Camila giggled when Lauren made an 'L' shape with her hand to determine which leg was which. It was such an endearing quirk. Here Lauren was, a sassy, intelligent, badass... yet she still didn't know her left from her right.

"Alright," Anna placed a hand on Lauren's back, "I'll spot you just in case."

"You got it!" Camila cheered on, watching as Lauren took a deep breath and pushed off the ground. She mounted the horse in one fluid motion, making it look as though she'd done it a thousand times.

Camila's jaw hit the floor. How the hell was she supposed to follow that?

"Alright, Camila, your turn." Anna grinned, walking over to grab Camila's horse. She led the massive creature over and positioned it like she had Lauren's. "Same thing, just put your left foot in the stirrup and swing your right leg over. I'll stand behind you as a spot."

"Okay." Camila nodded, her palms sweating profusely. She wiped them against her jeans and stepped forward on shaky legs. The horse let out a loud neigh and Camila jumped back, earning a hysterical laugh from Lauren.

"Quit being a wimp!" Lauren teased, looking down her nose at the younger brunette.

"Shut up!" Camila glared, actually feeling quite upset. She really,  _really_  didn't want to do this.

Lauren must have noticed her horrified expression because she quickly softened her tone and encouraged, "You got it, Camz. Just like the gate at the park."

"This isn't like that at all!" Camila whined, taking another hesitant step forward. She looked at the horse's giant head and swallowed. The thing could easily stomp her to death and that was absolutely terrifying to think about.

"I know you can do it." Lauren sounded so assured and genuine, it gave Camila the confidence to take another step forward. She reached out to pet the horse's shoulder. The muscles beneath its skin twitched but Camila kept calm.

Taking a deep breath, she placed her foot in the stirrup and paused. When nothing terrible happened, she released the air from her lungs and counted to three in her head. On the last count, she pushed off the ground with a hard kick. The horse shifted a little, making her wobble mid jump. Thankfully Anna's hand was there to keep her from falling back. 

"Now just swing your leg over." The woman grunted. Camila did as instructed and the next thing she knew, she was seated comfortably on top of the horse's back.

"You did it!" Lauren cheered, throwing her arms up in the air. 

Camila looked over and caught Lauren wearing the most breathtaking smile. She stared for a few seconds, lost in the girl's beauty. Then her horse shifted again and she snapped out of it, oblivious to the fact that she was dangerously close to falling in love.


	11. The Tension

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Single by The Neighbourhood_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9Hpf1AS-1g)

 

After twenty minutes of riding around the arena in circles, Lauren and Camila were finally ready to head out on the trail. The company's website boasted of an awe inspiring waterfall tucked away in the woods near by. According to Anna, it was only about a fifteen minute journey on horseback.

The ride was fairly easy at the beginning, all rolling hills and open spaces, but then Anna led them into a dense forest. Thankfully, it wasn't long before they came to a halt and Anna dismounted her horse. She walked over and helped Lauren down first, then moved to help Camila as well.

"Is this it?" Camila frowned, her legs shaky from the ride. She looked around in confusion. The trees were thick, making it impossible to see more than twenty feet in any direction. Off in the distance, she could hear the faint sounds of rushing water but the source was nowhere to be seen.

"Yes." Anna grinned, pointing off to the right. "The waterfall is just down that pathway. It's a bit hard to ride a horse through so I figured it'd be best to stop here. You two are more than welcome to check it out. I'll just tie up your horses and head back to the barns."

"You're not staying?" Lauren questioned, glancing over at Camila who simply shrugged.

"No." Anna chuckled, as if there was some hilarious joke that only she knew about, "I'm sure you two would like the time alone. Besides, I have some paper work to catch up on."

"Are you sure?" Camila cleared her throat, growing shy at the woman's not-so-subtle implications. She wondered if the tension between her and Lauren was really so obvious. If so, they were going to have to work on that.

"Positive," The woman smirked, "now go on, I'll be back in an hour or so."

Camila glanced over at Lauren. There was a thin line of sweat covering her forehead, leaving stray locks of hair to stick to the damp skin. When she met Camila's gaze her eyes were shining with excitement, the green depths bright and as prominent as the forest behind them. She didn't look at all affected by Anna's presumptuousness, which was irritating.

"Alright," Lauren chirped, directing her attention back to Anna, "I guess we'll see you in about an hour." She offered a small wave before reaching down to grab Camila's hand.

The action was unexpected and Camila startled at first before settling into the warmth of Lauren's fingers. She didn't think she would ever get used to the feeling. It was almost scary in some ways, like if she wasn't careful Lauren would realize it was all mistake and start to pull away again.

"I'll tie your horses up down the path. If you need anything you can call the office." Anna gathered up the large animals and glanced back with a knowing smirk, "Have fun." She waved them away in jest before turning to lead the horses back down the trail.

Once they were alone, Lauren looked over with a heart stopping smile, "Should we go check it out?"

Camila bit down on her lip and nodded. A slow smile spread across her lips as she let go of Lauren's hand and slowly backed away towards the path, "Last one there has to drive home!"

"Hey!" Lauren shouted from close behind. Camila let out an amused giggle and continued to sprint down the trail. It weaved left and right for several yards before a large clearing came into view. Camila skirted to a stop, her mouth falling open in astonishment.

A few seconds later, Lauren was at her side. "Holy shit." The brunette whispered, her breathing a little labored.

Camila nodded in agreement as she took in the beautiful sight before them. The clearing was small and surrounded by trees, creating a sort of natural spotlight for the magnificent waterfall and the lake it poured into. Camila had never been a huge fan of the outdoors but this was something else. The air was humid and thick in the alcove. She closed her eyes and listened to the powerful crashing of water. 

"You just gonna stand there?" Lauren's husky voice teased, prompting Camila to look over. The girl was peeling the shirt from her back and Camila gasped.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going swimming." Lauren chuckled. She'd already taken off her boots and top, leaving her in a pair of faded blue jeans and a black bra. Camila watched in stunned silence as the brunette unzipped her pants and stepped out of them.

"What..." Camila trailed off, her brain jumbled from all of the tan skin on display. She forced her eyes upward, afraid to be caught staring.

Lauren just laughed some more and reached up to tie her hair back. Camila couldn't help but steal a fleeting glance at the girl's chest. She'd seen Lauren in plenty of bathing suits, she didn't understand why this felt so different... so provocative.

"Well," Lauren bent over to fold her clothes into a neat pile, "Are you coming or not?" She straightened up and offered a challenging smirk, her head slightly tilted to one side as she watched a very flustered Camila struggle to keep eye contact.

"No." Camila cleared her throat and stepped back. As much as she would love to swim with a half naked Lauren, there was no telling what kind of gross creatures were lurking around in the water.

"What, why?" Lauren shifted on her bare feet, a displeased frown drawing her eyebrows together.

Camila glanced over at the small lake and her nose scrunched up in distaste, "That water looks disgusting." She looked back and caught Lauren mid eyeroll.

"Don't be a baby."

"I'm not," Camila huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "There's probably leeches in there." A shiver racked down her spine at the thought.

"Please," Lauren pouted. She took a large step forward, totally invading Camila's space. The heat from her naked skin was dangerously tempting. They were close but not touching, and Camila wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse.

"It will be fun." Lauren smirked, her eyes flickering down to Camila's mouth. She moved as if in slow motion, leaning in so that their faces were centimeters apart. Camila closed her eyes and swallowed. After running her tongue across her lips, she parted them in anticipation.

When she felt Lauren's fingers at the hem of her shirt she sucked in a sharp breath. She stood frozen, her senses working on overdrive. The girl stepped closer and Camila was certain that her heart was seconds away from bursting.

"Take this off and come join me." Lauren's words were playful yet dark in a way that made Camila's toes curl. She nearly whimpered when Lauren pulled away to run off towards the water.

Taking in a shaky breath, Camila took a moment to compose herself before opening her eyes. She glanced over her shoulder to see Lauren wading deeper into the lake. As she allowed her gaze to wander over Lauren's body, she nearly whimpered again. The girl was definitely not playing fair.

"Come on!" Lauren shouted, sinking fully into the water.

Camila bit at her lip and looked away. As she reached down to remove her shirt, she released a frustrated sigh. No other person on the planet could convince her to swim in some nasty lake tucked away in the middle of nowhere, only Lauren. And that thought was both exciting and terrifying.

Lauren let out a low whistle as Camila shimmied out of her jeans. The sound sent a wave of heat crawling up Camila's neck and she flipped Lauren off. She took her time folding her clothes and placed them in a meticulous pile.

"Some time today would be nice!" Lauren shouted, earning another irritated glare.

"I'm coming." Camila mumbled through a grumpy frown. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and slowly made her way towards the water. When she got to the edge, she hesitated a moment before turning back around in retreat.

"Camila." Lauren drawled out in warning. She was trying to sound threatening but it had a completely different effect.

A shiver ran down Camila's spine and she felt her pulse race. A million different fantasies played through her mind, not one of them appropriate. Turning on her heels, she walked back towards the water with a new determination. The smirk on Lauren's face was extremely annoying... also a little sexy.

"That's it." Lauren cooed, watching as Camila placed a foot in the water. She let her gaze wander up Camila's legs, then took her time exploring the rest of the girl's body.

"It's warm." Camila whined, grossed out by the murky water. As she slowly inched down the rocky bank, she focused all of her attention on the breathtaking brunette a few feet away. Lauren swam over and offered a helping hand. Camila took hold and used it for balance as she eased herself waist deep.

By the time the bank had evened out, the water was up to Camila's collarbones. Just deep enough to make her panic. "I don't like this." She shook her head, squeezing Lauren's hand under the water.

"Relax," Lauren spoke affectionately, giving a reassuring smile, "I'm right here."

Camila nodded, trying to calm herself down. She didn't like the faint fishy smell of the water and she hated not knowing what creepy things were swimming around with them, but she did like Lauren. So much so, it was scary. She tried to think of things she wouldn't be willing to do if Lauren asked. The list was pretty small.

"Should we go check out the waterfall?" Lauren beamed, giving Camila's hand a light tug.

 _No._  Camila thought. "Yes." She answered. The giant smile on Lauren's face was worth it.

As they trekked through the water, Camila followed closely behind. The crashing waterfall was loud and sent ripples through the lake. The air seemed to grow more humid with every step.

All of the sudden, Camila stepped on something slimy and squealed. Jerking her hand away from Lauren's, she jumped up and began treading water. She tried to swim away but a hand on her upper arm prevented it.

"What's wrong?" Lauren frowned, pulling Camila back to the ground.

The second her foot met the lake bed, Camila felt the same slimy substance and squealed again. "I keep stepping on something slimy!" She tried to retreat but the girl only pulled her closer.

"It's just the rocks." Lauren laughed. When she saw the panic in the smaller brunette's eyes, her smile slipped away and she reached out to lift Camila up, "It's just the rocks." She repeated, shivering at the skin on skin contact.

"I don't care, it's disgusting." Camila circled her arms around Lauren's neck and hooked her ankles together behind the girl's back. They were chest to chest and Lauren's abdomen was slippery and soft as it brushed against her inner thighs.

"I guess I'll have to carry you." Lauren stared into Camila's eyes, her voice sounding low and raspy.

"I guess so." Camila swallowed.

They stayed in a frozen silence for several moments before Lauren cleared her throat and broke the spell, "Right then." She peered over Camila's shoulder and began walking.

The water splashed against Camila's back, creating goosebumps as the light breeze swept across her wet skin. She hardly noticed. She was too busy trying not to lose herself in the feel of Lauren's hands on her upper thighs.

If Camila didn't know better, she might even think those hands were wandering, shifting closer to her backside with every step. Of course, that couldn't possibly be the case because that would be extremely inappropriate and naughty.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Camila squinted, her gaze darting between Lauren's eyes and mouth. When she saw the girl's lips curl into a wicked smirk she scoffed.

"Maybe a little." Lauren glanced up to meet Camila's eyes before moving her hand to give Camila's ass a quick squeeze.

"Lauren!" Camila jumped forward reflexively. The action 'accidentally' brought her chest inches away from Lauren's face. The girl stopped walking and swallowed. "Something wrong?" Camila teased, watching as Lauren's eyes fixated on the swell of her breasts.

"Nope." Lauren swallowed again, struggling to tear her eyes away and meet Camila's gaze.

After a few seconds, Camila leaned back with a victorious grin, "You shouldn't dish out what you can't take."

"Oh please," Lauren rolled her eyes and began walking again, "there's nothing about you that I can't handle."

"You think?"

Lauren peered up, her eyes blazing with something suggestive and spine tingling, "I know." She gave a flirtatious wink before looking away again.

As they continued in the direction of the waterfall, Camila tried to ignore the heat building within. They were playing with fire and it was probably going to end up burning them both.

"Not slimy anymore." Lauren spoke up as they arrived at the base of the waterfall. "Can I put you down?"

If she weren't so insecure and cowardly, Camila would say hell no and capture Lauren's lips in a hot kiss. She played the fantasy through her mind. It was nice. "Yeah." Camila answered, wishing for once she could be brave.

"Great." Lauren sounded as disappointed as she felt.

Camila unlocked her ankles from behind Lauren's back and dropped them to the ground. It wasn't slimy anymore, that much she was thankful for.

As they trudged towards the crashing water, Camila told herself that it was all for the best. She wanted Lauren more than anything else in the world... but it was complicated. Maybe moving forward wasn't a good idea until she went back and fixed the things she'd left behind.

* * *

 

After an hour of swimming, Camila finally convinced Lauren to get out. Anna would be coming back soon and she really wanted to be dressed by then.

They arrived at the shore and a concern crossed Camila's mind. "Our clothes are going to be soaked."

"Why?" Lauren glanced over as they walked up the bank and out of the water.

Camila rolled her eyes and pointed to her soaking wet bra.

"So, take it off." Lauren smirked, not even trying to hide the way her eyes roamed over Camila's body. It didn't matter how many times she did it, the action never failed to make Camila's skin flush.

After recovering, Camila adopted a wicked grin and walked up to her pile of clothes. "You're right." She sighed, moving to unclasp her bra. As she slid the material off her shoulders, she glanced back to catch Lauren with her jaw on the floor.

A laugh fell from Camila's lips and she reached down to grab her shirt. At the last minute, she thought better of it and dropped the fabric back on the ground. Instead, she shimmied out of her underwear as well, reveling in the sharp in take of breath she heard behind her. Smiling, she moved unhurriedly to dress herself again.

"I'll wait for you where Anna dropped us off." Camila didn't bother to look back as she sauntered off through the woods.

"I'm going to get you back for that, you know!?" Lauren's voice rang through the trees.

Camila chose not to respond. As she thought about the girl's retaliation she smiled. The game they were playing was stupid and dangerous, but she was extremely competitive. Especially when it came to Lauren. In fact, losing wasn't an option at all.


	12. The Moon

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Promise_ _by_ _Ben Howard_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVUOTzoVeZA)

 

"I don't think I'll ever get the smell of nasty lake water out of my hair." Camila's whiny voice filtered through the quiet hotel room. 

Lauren rolled her eyes, not bothering to look up. She finished the page she was reading and then placed her book on the night stand. She looked over to the brunette across the room and smiled. The white towel on Camila's head came unraveled as she bent over to rummage through her suitcase, eliciting an annoyed huff from the tiny brunette. 

"Have you seen my toiletries bag?" Camila threw the wet towel on the ground and glanced over her shoulder. Her hair was a tangled mess and she was pouting, making her look like an unruly child.

"Nope, sorry." Lauren gave a wry smile and watched as the girl mumbled frustratedly under her breath. 

These were the moments that Lauren had missed the most. The casual and mundane conversations that never led anywhere. There was a warmth and domesticity about them, like slipping on old sweater or returning home after a long vacation, they were soothing.

"Did you leave it in the bathroom?" Lauren tilted her head to the side, her smile still in place.

"No," Camila chewed on the inside of her cheek and shifted to sit on the back of her heels, "At least I don't think so." She looked back at Lauren, an adorable scowl pulling her eyebrows together. Her face was makeup free and flushed from her shower, she looked breathtaking. 

Lauren let out a quiet sigh and stood up from her bed. As she crossed over to Camila's side of the room, she shook her head at the mess. It was as if a tornado had ripped through half of the hotel room. 

"No wonder you can't find it." Lauren reprimanded, kneeling down next to Camila. She began shifting through the girl's other suitcase, looking for the lost toiletries bag. "You're just as messy as you were in Fifth Harmony."

"Hey, I've gotten better."

Lauren took a quick look around the room. "No you haven't." She giggled, meeting Camila's gaze. 

"Whatever," The brunette tried to hide her smile but Lauren caught it, "you're just as bossy as you used to be."

A warm laugh escaped from Lauren's lips and she shook her head. They spent the next few minutes in silence as they sorted through the bags. Lauren had drifted away in aimless thought before a lack of movement caused her to look over at Camila.

"What?"

"You're wearing the necklace." Camila gestured to the piece of jewelry hanging from Lauren's neck. There was a tenderness in her tone that both warmed and broke Lauren's heart. The atmosphere suddenly grew heavy with old memories.

"Yeah." Lauren spoke quietly, reaching up to grasp the pendent between her fingers. She glanced down in silence, studying the sentimental item. 

"Do you..." Camila paused, her voice cracking just a little, "do you remember the day I gave that to you?"

"Of course, it was one of the best days of my life." Lauren looked up into Camila's chocolatey eyes, watching as her candid words seemed to make them melt. 

"It was a good day," Camila agreed. A nostalgic grin spread across her lips as she allowed the memories to flood her conscious and take her away.

* * *

 

**_4 Years Ago_ **

"Hey Ally, do you know where Lauren is?" Camila bit anxiously on her lip, her eyes scanning the bustling dressing room. It was twenty minutes until show time and everyone was in a hurry to finish their hair and makeup.

"No, sorry." Ally shrugged, applying a generous amount of hairspray, "Did you check catering?"

Camila coughed as the smelly cloud engulfed the space around them. Shifting on her feet, she ran a hand through her hair and sighed, "Yeah, she wasn't in there."

Ally glanced over with a worried frown, "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no," Camila forced a fake laugh. The sound was strange even to her own ears and she cringed, "I just really need to find Lauren before the show starts."

"Okay..." Ally dragged out, looking rather suspicious. Thankfully, she didn't press the issue any further, "She might be in the bathroom."

Camila gave a gracious smile and nodded. Without saying another word, she turned and hurried down the corridor in search of the birthday girl. As her heels clicked quietly against the linoleum floor, she reached into the pocket of her white jeans and pulled out the item responsible for her racing pulse. The necklace between her fingers was special. She could only hope that it would come to mean as much, if not more, to Lauren.

Releasing a shaky breath, Camila tucked the gift back into her pocket and picked up the pace. Every step made her heart pound faster. A strange mix of excitement and dread coursed through her veins, leaving her stomach in knots. When the sign for the restrooms came into view, she slowed down and gave herself a quick pep talk.

_No need to freak out. She'll love the necklace, she's your best friend._

Camila repeated the mantra over and over again, stumbling over the last part almost every time. She attributed it to nerves and pressed on, entering the bathroom with a bright smile. Her heart flipped within her chest as she laid eyes on the brunette brushing her teeth at the sink.

"Hey, Lauren." She bit down on her lip and approached. The girl glanced over her shoulder and offered a toothpaste smile.

"Hey, Camz." Lauren greeted after rinsing out her mouth. She turned around with a vibrant smile and leaned back against the sink, bracing her palms on either side of the countertop. "What's up?"

It was hard to concentrate when Lauren had that look on her face –the one that made Camila feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Maybe it was all in Camila's head, but it felt like that look was becoming more and more common. Along with other things, like extra long hugs and waking up in hotel rooms with arms and legs intertwined.

"I uh, wanted to give you your birthday present." Camila finally managed to speak.

"Right now?" Lauren's excited smile eased some of Camila's nerves. 

"Yeah, but I need to explain it first," The shorter brunette laughed, growing more confident by the second.

"Alright..." Lauren gave an amused smile, shifting slightly on her feet. Her hair was tied back into a high ponytail and the action sent the long, dark locks swaying back and forth.

Camila let out a shaky breath and stepped forward. Closing her eyes, she tried to recall the speech she'd rehearsed that morning in the mirror. A few seconds later, she glanced up and met Lauren's curious stare, "You mean the world to me." She started, surprising even herself.

Those most certainly hadn't been the words she'd practiced.

"I wanted to do something special for your 18th birthday." Camila decided to continue, following her heart instead of her mind, "I spent a really long time trying to figure out what to give you."

"You didn't have t–"

Camila cut the girl off with a shy smile, "You're my best friend, Lauren, I did have to."

Glancing down for a moment, Camila retrieved the necklace from her pocket. As she held it between her fingers she spoke, "My Grandma gave me this when we moved from Cuba. She couldn't come with us so she sent this in her place."

"It's beautiful." Lauren whispered, studying the blue sun pendent attached to a silver chain.

Camila looked up, a wistful smile tugging at her lips, "My Grandma used to call me her sunshine. She gave up everything so we could come to America." The words burned as they passed through her throat and she struggled to keep the tears at bay. "This necklace became a part of me. It's a symbol of the love and sacrifice my life was built on."

The room fell silent as Camila paused to sort through her thoughts. After a few short moments, she peered up at Lauren and softly said, "Whenever I feel lonely or lost, I try to remind myself that even the sun has a friend in the moon." Camila reached out to grab Lauren's hand. As she placed the necklace in the brunette's palm, she whispered, "You mean more than the world to me... you're my moon."

Lauren sucked in a breath and glanced up with a touched expression. The green-eyed brunette didn't have to say a word, Camila already knew that she'd made the right decision in giving Lauren the necklace.

"Here," Camila grinned, reaching down to grab the piece of jewelry, "I'll help you put it on."

She stepped forward and reached around Lauren's neck to hook the necklace in place. They stood chest to chest, close enough for her to smell Lauren's earthy perfume. After securing the chain, Camila shifted her attention to the blazing green eyes in front of her. Unable to stop herself, she glanced down at Lauren's mouth.

Now that they were closer, she noticed a small dot of toothpaste just below Lauren's lower lip. Swallowing, she reached up to wipe away the white substance with her thumb. As her finger brushed over the sensitive skin, Lauren sucked in a deep breath.

"Sorry," Camila blushed, meeting Lauren's gaze. There was a startling amount of fire in the green depths. So much so, it made Camila's knees feel weak. To stop herself from shaking, she reached out to grab the counter. Unfortunately, the action also brought her closer to Lauren, which only made her knees weaker.

Lauren reached out to place a gentle hand on Camila's hip, and then things went a hazy for the shorter brunette. 

"The sun and the moon," Lauren husked, just barely above a whisper. Her words tickled Camila's lips, heightening the sense of anticipation, "I like the sound of that."

Camila wanted to speak but she was frozen, completely at Lauren's mercy. As the space between them slowly diminished, the realization that she was about to have her very first kiss sent a shockwave through her chest. 

As Lauren gently pulled her closer, Camila ran her tongue across her lips and closed her eyes. She'd never been so nervous or excited in her life. The next thing she knew, Lauren's soft lips were pressing against her own. It was a simple and tender kiss, full of love and affection. 

Lauren drew back all too soon and Camila leaned forward to chase the girl's lips. Eyes still closed, she heard Lauren release a warm giggle before she felt the brunette press a lingering kiss against her cheek.

"Thank you." Lauren whispered, pulling her into an intimate hug. 

The taste of Lauren's mint toothpaste lingered on Camila's lips. It was magical. She still hadn't opened her eyes, afraid that she might be dreaming. She'd just had her first kiss and it had been with the one person she cared for most. Not only was Lauren her best friend, she was her moon. For once in Camila's life, she no longer felt lonely or lost.

"You know, the sun and the moon don't get to spend much time together." Lauren spoke quietly.

Camila considered the girl's words. She'd actually never thought about that. In a way, the sun and the moon had the most tragic relationship of all. Always chasing each other, only catching up once every year or so.

"Yeah, but when they do finally align it's the most beautiful thing in the world." Camila remarked, oblivious to the truth she was speaking over their future relationship. 

Several quiet moments passed before Lauren pulled away and sighed, "We should probably get going, the show's starting soon."

Camila nodded, opening her eyes for the first time since their kiss. "Happy 18th birthday." 

"Thanks," Lauren grinned, reaching down to grab Camila's hand, "Now, let's go before Dinah comes in here to yell at us."

* * *

 

**_Present Time_ **

Lauren watched as the different emotions played across Camila's face. She figured the girl was probably reminiscing about the day of their first kiss. She'd spent countless hours herself daydreaming and journaling about that day. It hadn't been  _her_  first kiss, but it had been the most meaningful.

Tearing her eyes away, Lauren bit at the inside of her cheek and began rummaging through Camila's suitcase again. When she stumbled across the girl's toiletries bag, she cleared her throat and placed a hand on Camila's upper thigh. The brunette startled before a pink blush filled her cheeks.

"I found your bag." Lauren stated, holding up the tan pouch as evidence.

"Thanks." 

A slightly awkward silence settled between them. After a few moments, Camila gave a shy smile and stood up. Lauren watched as she walked over and disappeared into the bathroom. 

A strange pressure filled Lauren's chest, making it difficult to draw in a full breath. It was as if she'd been submerged into a pool of ice water. The reality of the situation was sobering. She and Camila had shared an amazing day together, one that certainly helped the healing process of their broken relationship, but that didn't mean things between them were fixed.

Letting out a shaky breath, Lauren stood up from the soft carpet and made her way towards the bathroom. It was probably time she and Camila had a talk. They couldn't avoid the inevitable any longer.

Leaning up against the doorframe, Lauren watched as Camila brushed her teeth. She waited for the girl to finish before sighing, "We should talk." 

"Yeah," Camila nodded, meeting Lauren's eyes through the mirror, "I suppose we should."

There was a brief silence as Lauren organized her thoughts and prepared for the next few moments. She figured this could only go one of two ways, for the sake of their future she hoped that the result was something positive.

"What are we doing?" She finally spoke, her voice soft and curious.

"I'm not sure." Camila shook her head. Turning, she wrapped herself in a shy hug and leaned her hip against the counter.

"Are you in love with Shawn?" Lauren blurted, forgoing the patient route in exchange for immediate answers. The silence that followed was unnerving but the look on Camila's face gave her hope.

"No," Camila whispered, casting her gaze to the floor, "At least not in a romantic way."

"Then why are you with him?"

Another lengthy silence stretched on before Camila shifted uncomfortably on her feet, "He was there for me when nobody else was. Our relationship isn't conventional but it means the world to me."

Lauren nodded. She felt a little sick to her stomach after hearing Camila's words. The way she talked about Shawn was so genuine and affectionate, it was discouraging to say the least. 

"Why would you flirt with me if you plan on staying with him?" Lauren questioned, channeling her pain into anger.

Camila's head snapped up at the accusation. She opened her mouth to respond but quickly closed it. Lauren watched carefully as the girl drew in a couple of calming breaths and stepped forward. She reached out as if she was going to grab Lauren's hand but then thought better of it and awkwardly dropped it back to her side.

"I..." Camila tried to speak but failed. Growing frustrated, she turned and ran a frazzled hand through the hair at her scalp. As she paced through the small bathroom, Lauren watched silently from the doorway. She refused to pry for information.

"Look," Lauren worked her jaw back and forth, trying to hide the pain tearing her heart in two. She was sick of being second choice. "I get it, you love Shawn. He makes you happy and that's all that matters. I won't stop being your friend if you stay with him, if that's what you're worried about."

The lie slipped easily from Lauren's lips. Truth be told, she didn't think she'd be able to look at Camila if she chose Shawn again. The betrayal had nearly killed her the first time.

"You don't understand." Camila shook her head, looking rather distraught.

"Then make me." Lauren breathed out, entering the bathroom. She walked over to Camila and grabbed the girl by the shoulders, demanding eye contact. "Make me understand."

The room grew silent as the dense words settled in the atmosphere. Lauren fixed her gaze on the brown eyes before her, watching as Camila drew in a shaky breath. The brunette's throat moved as she swallowed away her fears. 

"That day of our first kiss," Camila spoke quietly, sensing that sparks were close to flames, "something changed."

Lauren's eyebrows drew together as she nodded in agreement, waiting to see where Camila was going with this.

"I meant what I said," Camila paused, drawing in another shaky breath, "You're my moon and you always will be. Nobody will ever change that."

"I still don't understand." Lauren heaved, the weight compressing her chest growing worse by the second. She felt as though she was suffocating. The anticipation was literally killing her.

"I like you Lauren," Camila gave a weary smile, "and not just in a friendly way. More of an, 'I want to kiss you senseless', kind of way."

"But you're with Shawn?"

"For fuck's sake," Camila let out a frustrated breath and looked away. She shifted on her feet and ran a hand through her hair.

Lauren watched as something snapped within the brunette, like she'd just made a major decision. 

"I'm not with Shawn," Camila blurted, "he's gay."

_Holy shit._

Lauren's jaw fell to the floor. She stumbled backward, her center of gravity struck by the weight of Camila's statement. Every thought and emotion coursing through her body screeched to a halt, leaving her frozen in disbelief. Several minutes passed before she garnered enough sense to look back at Camila.

"He's gay?" Lauren stumbled over the words. She didn't know why it was so surprising, the thought had crossed her mind several times before.

"You can't tell anybody." Camila insisted, looking pale and worried.

"I won't." Lauren promised, moving to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. After a few moments she glanced up and asked, "How long have..." 

"How long have I known?" Camila finished the sentence for her, "A while."

 _A while?_ What the hell did that mean? A million different questions threatened to burst from Lauren's lips but she kept them at bay. It really wasn't any of her business. 

"Wow." She breathed out instead. 

"Yeah." Camila let out a quiet sigh and moved to sit next to Lauren on the tub. "I know."

A rush of empathy squeezed Lauren's heart. Judging by Camila's slumped shoulders and sad frown, she would venture to guess that the revelation had caused some pain in the past. Camila tended to fall fast and hard, Lauren could only imagine how crushed she'd been when Shawn had broke the news.

They sat in silence for a very long time, the swirling of the bathroom fan the only noise in the room. Lauren was still too stunned to consider what this meant for her and Camila's relationship. She had so many questions. 

"What about you?" Camila's soft voice broke the stillness, "Is there anyone special in your life?"

"No, not really." Lauren shrugged, peering over at the younger brunette. Camila raised a questioning eyebrow in response, silently encouraging her to elaborate.

"I've been on a few dates with different girls but they never led anywhere." Lauren mumbled under her breath. 

"Really?" Camila sounded surprised, "You've been with other girls?" 

That got Lauren's attention. 

"Yeah," She replied, watching as a strange look passed over Camila's features. "Why?"

"I just.." The brunette trailed off, playing distractedly with the hem of her shirt, "I thought..."

"You were the only one?" Lauren guessed, raising a curious eyebrow. She couldn't tell if Camila was embarrassed or jealous. She figured it was probably a mix of the two.

When Camila didn't answer, Lauren lowered her voice and spoke honestly, "You're the only one who's meant anything to me." She waited for Camila to meet her gaze before offering an affectionate smile.

"You mean that?"

A low chuckle slipped from Lauren's lips. "Yes, I do." She wrapped an arm around Camila's shoulders and pulled her into an awkward side hug. 

She would have been content to stay that way forever. 

As Lauren went over the last twenty minutes in her head, a tender smile pulled at her lips. The pressure in her chest eased and she took in a deep breath. All of the sudden, her future with Camila didn't seem so grim after all.

~~~

**A/N: Annnnd there it is ( _part_  of Camila's secret). Congratulations to those of you who guessed correctly!!!**


	13. 12. The Rain

[Listen while reading: ♫  _Where I Am by Loren North_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bb77AvjMfk)

 

Lauren wasn't sure how long they had been sitting on the edge of the bathtub _,_ but a rhythmic vibrating broke the trance. Camila lifted her head from Lauren's shoulder and stood up to check her phone on the counter. Glancing back, she offered a shy smile and informed, "It's my mom."

"Of course," a quiet laugh fell from Lauren's lips. She knew all too well how lively and talkative Sinu Cabello was, Camila would probably be on the phone for the next hour. "I think I'll go sit on the balcony and process." 

Camila nodded, her eyes red and puffy from crying but sparkling with affection. She took three steps forward, hesitated for the tiniest of moments, then bent down to place a lingering kiss on Lauren's cheek before whispering, "I'll try to make it quick."

The corners of Lauren's mouth turned up as she slowly opened her eyes. She found Camila watching her with a sense of wonder, as if Lauren was the answer to every question Camila had ever had. 

Standing on shaky legs, Lauren made a point to memorize the tenderness of Camila's smile before exiting the bathroom. It was different between them now. There was an unspoken sense of thrill and uncertainty... and promise. 

As the door clicked shut behind her, Lauren released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. The events of the day were threatening to overwhelm her, so she grabbed her journal from the pocket of her suitcase and retreated to the balcony. The crisp London air washed over her heated skin as she opened the french doors and walked out in the night.

Millions of sparkling lights covered the horizon, as if reflecting the stars above. The air was almost electric, humming with energy and adventure. Lauren could feel the tightly coiled muscles in her back begin to relax. This, she realized, was what it felt like to be alive –the excitement, unease, and hope battling for dominance within her. She was beyond overwhelmed but in the most exquisite way.

With a smile stretching across her lips, Lauren sat down in one of the balcony chairs and opened her journal. She turned to the first open page and scribbled the date in the upper corner. The world around her ceased to exist as she poured her heart out between the lines.

 

_August 22, 2019_

_I climbed out of love today, only to fall back even harder again._

_This morning I googled, 'how_ _ not _ _to be in love with your best friend' because the ache in my chest was ruining me. Loving someone who didn't love me back was the scariest thing in world. Vulnerability was the gun pressed to my temple and rejection was the bullet in the chamber. I was convinced that Camila was going to pull the trigger sooner or later, and for reasons I can't explain, I was okay with that._

_I  guess I had accepted that I would never be Camila's first choice. I wouldn't be the anchor in her storms or the light at the end of the tunnel. She'd picked Shawn and if I didn't accept that then my heart would never mend. So, I spent half of today climbing my way out of love._

_Then everything went to shit and I fell back deeper than before. In fact, I have never been so in love with Camila... and that terrifies me._

_Turns out, falling in love with someone who might love you back is_ _ actually _ _the scariest thing in the world. You fall deeper, harder, and more violently this way. Right now, everything inside of me is screaming to rip the walls of my heart down and give the fragile organ away. I want to crawl inside Camila's arms and lose myself  in her warmth. I want to burn myself to ashes and fade into oblivion so that every time she takes a breath I am the air giving her lungs life._

_I am so deeply in love it hurts. This girl is going to ruin me..._   
  


 

A large drop of water landed in the center of the page, causing Lauren to glance up. She found the stars hidden behind a smattering of rain clouds. It was beautiful, the way the city lights tinted the sky with an orange hue. Lauren closed her journal and leaned back in her chair. It was as if the universe knew she needed her slate washed clean. 

It didn't take long for the drops of cool rain to turn into a steady downpour. At first, Lauren remained under the balcony's roof and watched as the rain soaked everything in reach. 

Then, something beautiful happened. Lauren decided to take a risk and weather the storm. She stood from her chair and prepared herself for the rain. The first step she took was reluctant, the second curious, and the third brave.

In a matter of moments, Lauren was soaked to the bone. Closing her eyes, she turned her face to the sky and gave an earth-shattering smile. In that moment, she discovered two life changing truths: 1) the storm always looks worse than it actually is, and 2) there is joy to be found in suffering, you just have to be brave enough to look for it.

* * *

 

"I love you too." Camila smiled, warmed by the conversation with her mother. After hanging up, she let out a breath and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were still a bit puffy, but the redness was finally starting to fade. Smiling, she turned on the faucet and splashed her face with cold water. Afterwards, she put her long, wet hair into a french braid and exited the bathroom. 

The hotel room was empty, but the french doors leading out to the balcony were cracked open. Camila bit down on her lip, considering whether or not she should bother Lauren. It had been a crazy day and she knew how important is was for Lauren to destress. The girl was known to write until her fingers bled. Camila could still remember the nights Lauren would stay up for hours and write in her journal. It usually happened after a bad performance or a fan experience on Twitter.

In the end, the longing to be in Lauren's presence was too great. Camila couldn't explain the way her heart sped up at the thought of being near Lauren, but she figured it had to do with the news about Shawn. Now, there was nothing holding her back from a relationship with Lauren. The thought was both exciting and terrifying.

The carpet was soft against Camila's bare feet as she made her way towards the balcony. She lifted a hand and gently pressed the doors open. As she took in the sight before her, the breath in her throat came to a screeching halt. 

Lauren's arms were stretched out towards the sky as the rain pelted her already drenched body. There was a heart-stopping smile on her face that only stretched wider as she turned around and locked eyes with Camila. 

"What are you doing!?" Camila raised her voice to be heard over the storm.

"Dancing in the rain," Lauren laughed, dripping from head to toe, "you should try it!" 

Camila's jaw dropped to the floor as she watched Lauren close her eyes and twirl in a blissful circle. In all of the years she had known Lauren, she had never seen the girl look so beautiful or free. Joy radiated from the brunette and it was contagious. Before Camila could consider the consequences, she found herself stepping out to be with Lauren.

The rain was freezing and drenched Camila in a matter of seconds. Chills broke out along her spine and instinct told her to retreat. She quickly stepped back and escaped under the safety of the roof. It wasn't worth weathering the storm. 

"Its freezing!" Camila shivered, wrapping herself in a hug.

"Come on, Camz" Lauren spoke softly, an encouraging smile tugging at her lips. She held out her hand and said, "I'll keep you warm."

It took a moment for Camila to realize that this was about more than rain. This was about trust and new beginnings. This time, she was going to choose Lauren no matter the consequences. 

"Promise?" Camila asked, staring deep into Lauren's eyes.

"I promise."

The second the words fell from Lauren's lips, Camila stepped out and grabbed the girl's hand. A smile appeared on her lips as she crashed into Lauren's chest and hid away in the crook of Lauren's neck. Strong arms encircled Camila's waist, spreading warmth throughout her body. 

"Your clothes are soaked," Camila giggled, grasping the fabric of Lauren's shirt. 

"I know, I'm freezing." Lauren replied, grinning into Camila's hair. 

They stood wrapped in each others arms for several moments before Lauren took a step back and brushed the wet strands of hair from Camila's forehead. Her touch was loving and warm, causing Camila's stomach to tumble.

"How do you feel about fresh starts?" Lauren grinned, tilting her head off to one side. She continued to caress Camila's skin, starting at her cheek and moving to the cup the back of her neck.

Words failed Camila as she stared into Lauren's eyes. The tenderness and love dancing in the green depths called out, pleading with her to brave the storm. All Camila could manage was a small nod, but judging by the massive smile on Lauren's face, it was enough. For the first time in Camila's life, she was choosing to be brave.

The sound of pattering rain faded into the distance as Camila took a hesitant step forward. Lauren met her halfway and their chests pressed together. Air rushed from Camila's lungs and she stumbled, only to be steadied by Lauren's reassuring hands.

"I've got you." Lauren whispered, her voice shaky but confident. 

Camila stood frozen, unable to focus on anything other than Lauren's slightly parted lips. Her heart was a hummingbird trapped within her chest, beating violently against her ribs. She had never felt so terrified or safe. Lauren's arms gave her refuge yet caused her turmoil. It was beautiful. She felt alive.

Lauren moved in slow motion, reaching up to trail a fingertip along her cheek. The touch was so gentle it shattered the last of Camila's resistance. She waited in anticipation as Lauren moved to trace her upper lip.  Something shifted inside Camila's chest and she released a quite sigh. She never wanted the moment to end.

Taking her time, Lauren cupped both of Camila's cheeks and leaned in to press their lips together. The kiss was soft and fleeting as she quickly pulled back to look into Camila's dark irises. She was asking for permission, but she didn't need to. Still, Camila gave a shy smile and nodded, silently begging Lauren to take them into the eye of the storm.

Lauren must have understood the wordless plea because the second kiss was urgent and overflowing with emotion. A gasp fell from Camila's lips and Lauren used the opportunity caress Camila's tongue with her own. The feeling was overwhelming and Camila's knees nearly buckled under the weight of pleasure. Wrapping her arms around Lauren's shoulders, she pressed harder into the girl's warmth. 

Freezing rain continued to pour, mixing with the heat of their kiss. Lauren's lips were soft and sure, more magical than anything Camila had every imagined. The kiss was full and deep, awakening every inch of Camila's body and setting it ablaze. She pulled the hair at Lauren's scalp in attempt to bring the girl closer. The action drew a low moan from Lauren's throat and Camila felt her heart skip a beat. 

If it weren't for her burning lungs and freezing limbs, Camila would have kissed Lauren forever in the rain. 

They shared another few moments of bliss before Lauren pulled back and slowly opened her eyes. Camila watched as passion and awe floated within the green depths. She imagined her own eyes were telling a similar story.

"That was..." Camila drifted off, her voice dripping with desire.

"I've had better." Lauren teased with a stupid, lopsided grin.

Camila slapped her arm and went in for another quick kiss. She meant it to be chaste and reprimanding, but Lauren's lips felt way too good. She indulged herself for a few long moments before pulling away.

"We're electric together and you know it." Camila eventually husked, her chest heaving in attempt to replenish her body's oxygen supply.

"Yes." Lauren whispered, her eyes still closed. 

Camila watched as the girl swallowed and tried to get her bearings. There was something extremely satisfying about knowing she had such a profound affect on Lauren.

"You're amazing." Lauren finally opened her eyes and gave a breathtaking smile .

Warmth spread through Camila's chest as she drank in Lauren's beauty. "I was thinking the same thing."

A comfortable silence engulfed them as the rain slowly began to ease. A few moment later, the clouds parted and the stars returned, looking even brighter than before. The city below buzzed with life but Camila was oblivious to it all. Her lips were still tingling from the kiss and her mind was swimming with thoughts of Lauren. 

Having never been in love, Camila wouldn't know what it felt like if it slapped her across the face. But something about the butterflies in her stomach and the joy in her heart made her think that maybe, just maybe, she was in the process of falling head over heels.

"We should probably go get changed." Lauren spoke softly, sounding hesitant and nervous. Almost as if she was waiting for Camila to freak out and leave.

The best Camila could do was offer a reassuring smile. She didn't have the words to ease Lauren's mind but that was okay. This time was going to be different. Camila would be present and persistent, staying by Lauren's side even when things got hard. This time, she wasn't going to give up, she was going to love Lauren the way she deserved to be loved.

"Come on." Camila grinned, grabbing Lauren's hand and leading them inside. As they crossed the threshold, a somewhat uneasy silence filled the room.

"So," Lauren cleared her throat, "what do you have planned for tomorrow?"

"I was thinking we could go to the park for a picnic." Camila replied, walking over to her suitcase to get a fresh set of pajamas. When she glanced up, Lauren was watching her with an amused grin.

"What?" Camila blushed under the weight of Lauren's stare. She couldn't remember a time when someone had looked at her with such adoration. 

"Nothing," Lauren shook her head, "it's just that you're ridiculously pretty and I've wanted to kiss you for years. We just had the best make out session of my life during a rainstorm in London... I'm  _really_  happy."

The unexpected honesty stole Camila's breath. She opened her mouth but found that no words could adequately convey what she felt. The clothes dropped from her arms, landing on the floor with a quiet thump. She crossed the room in four slow steps and wrapped her arms around Lauren's shoulders.

"I'm  _really_  happy too." Camila whispered before pressing her lips to Lauren's. She put everything into that kiss –all of her affection, desire, and respect. It must have worked because when they parted, Lauren met her stare with a sense of understanding.

There was another tense moment of silence where Camila questioned whether or not it was normal for a heart to beat so fast for so long. She wondered if it would always be this way with Lauren. If so she may have to consider getting a pace maker.

"You have to stop doing that." Lauren broke the tension with a cute smile and an exaggerated huff. She turned from Camila and went to flop face down on her bed.

"Stop doing what?" Camila asked, giggling at the girl's dorky antics. "Also, you're getting your bed soaking wet."

"I don't care." Lauren huffed before turning over and sitting up. She regarded Camila with an affectionate smile before standing and walking over to her suitcase. "You're way too good at kissing, it might actually be a deal breaker."

A throaty laugh escaped from Camila's lips as she bent over to pick up her discarded pajamas. "I don't think I've ever been rejected for being too  _good_  of a kisser."

"Yeah, well I guess there's a first time for everything, right?"

Camila glanced over and watched as Lauren grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of running shorts from her bag. She waited for Lauren to meet her gaze before asking, "Are you at all freaked out?"

"What do you mean?" Lauren questioned, a confused frown pulling her eyebrows together.

"It's just," Camila paused to run a hand through her hair, "never mind."

"No, tell me." Lauren pleaded gently.

"Can we change first?" Camila asked, biting her lip out of habit.

Lauren regarded her with concern before nodding quietly. After giving her best reassuring smile, Camila turned and headed towards the bathroom to change. By the time she got out, Lauren was already sprawled out on her bed reading a book. 

Camila walked over and wordless crawled into bed beside the brunette. She snuggled in close, burying her head in the crook between Lauren's neck and shoulder. When the girl didn't respond, Camila shifted a little closer and wrapped an arm around the girl's mid section. Still, Lauren continued to read.

Feeling competitive and a bit offended, Camila bent down to place a series of kisses along Lauren's jaw and down her neck. A gasp fell from Lauren's lips and the book dropped to the ground. Camila pulled away with a victorious smirk. 

"It's rude to ignore people." Camila teased, laughing as Lauren rolled her eyes in attempt to hide her arousal. 

"I was getting to the best part and you ruined it." Lauren grumbled, smiling when she received a glare in return. 

"You're really annoying and cocky," Camila shook her head, "has anyone ever told you that."

"Nope."

"Whatever," Camila sat up as the leftover laughter floated from her lips. She glanced down at Lauren and sighed, searching for something in the girl's green eyes.

"So, why are you feeling freaked out?" Lauren asked softly, shifting to lean back against the head rest.

Camila bit her lip and gathered her thoughts before answering, "I really don't want to mess this up. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone else, and I'm freaked out because I have no idea what I'm doing."

"No one ever knows what they're doing in relationships, it's part of the fun."

"It doesn't make you nervous?" Camila sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Lauren was quiet for a moment before responding, "Of course I'm nervous, Camz. I like you so much it's scary. There are a million things that could go wrong, but I've thought about it and I think it's worth it. I think you're worth it. We owe it to ourselves to give this thing a try."

"Have you always been so great with words?" Camila asked rhetorically before growing serious again. "You're right, though. I want this, Lauren. More than I've ever wanted anything before. I guess I just want to go slow and do it right. I don't want to rush into things for physical reasons and end up ruining it."

"I agree," Lauren nodded, "we don't have to put any pressure on ourselves. Nothing has to change between us. We'll just be best friends who kiss sometimes... and maybe some other stuff."

Camila raised an amused eyebrow, "Oh? What kind of other stuff?"

"The best kind," Lauren teased, causing Camila to roll her eyes and laugh.

A brief silence settled between them as they each thought about the future. It was true, things were different between them now. It was easily the most exciting and terrifying feeling in the world. Camila wished there was some sort of rule book that offered a step by step guide to navigating a friendship turned romance. But there wasn't. And so they were forced to figure it out on their own.

"I'm exhausted," Lauren yawned, slipping down into the covers. Camila remained silent, wondering whether or not she should move to her own bed. In the end, the answer was decided for her when Lauren pulled her down to the mattress.

"Don't even think about leaving," the green-eyed brunette whispered.

Camila smiled, more than willing to comply. After getting comfortable, she turned over to face Lauren. "Wanna listen to music?" She asked with a shy smile.

"Can I pick the songs?" Lauren perked up, an excited grin stretching across her lips.

"Yes," Camila giggled, "you can pick the songs."


	14. The Sun

[ **Listen while reading: ♫ _ILYSB (I Love You So Bad) by LANY_** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ns7yt1Jik)

 

A cool breeze drifted over Lauren's bare arms making her shiver. Releasing a grumpy huff, she pulled the covers over her shoulders and grumbled incoherently into her pillow. A tiny peek through heavy eyelids revealed a bleak morning. Drizzling rain fell from the sky; the tiny droplets chasing each other down the window pane. 

Lauren closed her eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, the chilly breeze was relentless as it gently swept tiny strands of hair against her cheek, tickling her sensitive skin.

Eventually, Lauren's irritation beat out her desire to sleep and she was forced to face defeat. Frowning pitifully, she stretched out her legs and the rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Then, memories of the day before filled her mind and a contented smile graced her face. 

Warmth quickly spread throughout Lauren's body and she shivered again, but for a different reason. She and Camila had jumped off a massive cliff last night and now they were free falling. There was no telling what the landing would look like, all Lauren could do is hope they both survived. 

On the bright side, she no longer had to hide or fight away the feelings she had for Camila. Everything was out in the open now and she had never felt so free. It was exciting.

Rolling onto her side, Lauren expected to find the girl responsible for her turmoil but the bed was empty. Brows furrowed in confusion, she sat up on her elbows and canvased the room. When her eyes fell upon the open balcony door she sighed in relief.

Mouth stretching open in a wide yawn, Lauren threw the covers off and swung her legs around the side of the mattress. The cool, morning air danced across her bare thighs, spreading goosebumps along her creamy skin. She was definitely going to yell at Camila for leaving the balcony door open.

Standing from the bed, Lauren sorted through the mess of clothes on the floor before finding an old hoodie that belonged to Camila. It was soft and warm as she slipped it on. Best of all, it smelled faintly of Camila's sweet perfume. The fragrance had become somewhat of a second home for Lauren over the years, even now it warmed her heart and brought a smile to her face.

After brushing her teeth and brewing herself a cup of coffee, Lauren made her way towards the balcony. She found Camila sitting in one of the chairs, eyes closed and headphones in place . There was a goofy smile on the girl's lips –the kind that meant she was probably listening to love songs. 

Lauren watched in amusement as Camila danced ever so slightly in the balcony chair. The movements were ridiculous and dorky, but dammit if Lauren didn't find it sexy as hell. Camila's hair was a mess and the sweatshirt she was wearing was ten times to big, but the way she passionately mouthed the words stirred a fire inside of Lauren. 

Twice last night, Lauren had gotten to kiss that tempting mouth. She had been given a glimpse at a breathtaking work of art. Now, all she could think about was experiencing the masterpiece in its entirety.

After a few moments, Camila opened her eyes and startled when she saw Lauren standing in the doorway. She offered a shy smile before pulling the headphones from her ears. Then, the girl ran a self conscious hand through her hair in attempt to tame the messy curls. It didn't work but Lauren didn't care. She liked Camila this way. Wild and bare. It was adorable and sexy, and intimate in a way that gave Lauren hope for the future.

"Good morning." Camila spoke quietly, her voice raspy and tender. The sound reminded Lauren of honey, the way it poured over her in sweet waves. She could drink it in all day and never feel full.

"Good morning." Lauren watched as Camila's gaze raked over her body. The look in Camila's eyes turned lustful and bold. It was a look Lauren had never seen before but hoped to see again. It was possessive in a sexy way, like Camila longed to be the only one satisfying her needs.

"I like you in my sweatshirt." Camila blurted before clearing her throat, "I uh...that sounded weird. I meant that you look good in that sweatshirt."

Lauren let out throaty laugh. She wasn't going to let Camila off the hook that easily.

"Does it turn you on to see me in your clothes?" Lauren teased, expecting an eye roll or a huff. Instead, Camila blushed a dark shade of burgundy and shriveled up awkwardly in her chair. "Oh my god!" Lauren gave a cheeky smile, "It does turn you on!"

"Shut up," Camila shook her head with a bashful smile.

"Well, damn. If I would have known that, I would have raided your closet years ago."

Camila bit down on the inside of her cheek and peered up at Lauren with sparkling eyes. Camila would never admit it, but she lived for these moment. Lauren's sharp wit and flirty banter could be extremely frustrating at times, but it was Camila's favorite thing in the world. Lauren didn't open up this way with everyone, it took time and trust, and Camila felt honored to see this side of Lauren regularly.

Silence fell between them and the light pattering of morning rain became the only sound surrounding them. It was a dark and gloomy day but, as far as Lauren was concerned, the sun had never shown so bright. Which is why she was so thrown by the sudden frown that appeared on Camila's face.

"What's wrong?" Lauren asked, an uneasy tightness moving to compress her chest. 

This was it. The moment Camila would express her regret and try to let Lauren down gently. She would probably start by addressing the kisses they'd shared last night. They were too passionate, too telling, too much. Lauren knew it had been a mistake to pour her heart and soul into those kisses, but when it came to Camila she had no other choice. 

_Fuck._

Lauren watched as Camila looked off into the distance. The girl got up from her chair and walked over to the balcony's edge before turning back and offering Lauren another sad frown.

 _Here it comes._  Lauren thought.

Camila seemed to take a deep, heavy breath before speaking. "It's our last day in London and we can't go to the park if it keeps raining." She spoke, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. 

Lauren's breath rushed out all at once. "Jesus." She mumbled, reaching up to place a hand over her racing heart. Camila was definitely going to be the death of her.

"What?" Camila asked, looking extremely concerned all of the sudden. As if just noticing the pale nature of Lauren's complexion, "Shit, what's wrong?" She rushed over to grab Lauren by the shoulders, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Lauren laughed softly, still trying to recover from her moment of panic. "It's nothing."

Camila eyed her suspiciously before stepping back and crossing her arms, "That miserable look in your eyes didn't seem like nothing."

"God, I hate that you can read me so easily," Lauren mumbled under her breath, moving to enter the hotel suite. 

Camila trailed after, looking horribly confused and concerned. The giant sweatshirt she was wearing made it look like she wasn't wearing pants, but she  _was_  wearing fuzzy banana socks. There was no way Lauren could take her seriously this way. 

"Now you're smiling," Camila threw her hands up, "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you going crazy, is that it? Have you finally gone off the deep end?"

A throaty laugh slipped from Lauren's lips as she sat down at the foot of the bed. "Yes, I'm going crazy and it's your fault."

"My fault!"

"Yes," Lauren laughed before explaining, "I thought you were about to tell me how much you regretted last night, so I had a mini panic attack. Then you came chasing after me with your massive sweatshirt and stupid banana socks... which you look ridiculous in by the way." 

"These are my lucky socks and you know it." Camila grinned, moving to sit next to Lauren on the bed. There was a brief moment of silence before she quietly said, "I don't regret a single moment of last night. I thought it was amazing. In fact, I don't think I've been this happy in years."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Camila giggled, bumping Lauren's shoulder with her own.

"Me too." Lauren sighed. She peered over and held Camila's adoring stare. Why was it so impossible for her to believe that Camila wouldn't leave this time? 

"You worry too much, you know that?" Camila smiled sweetly, tilting her head to the side as she searched Lauren's emerald eyes. 

"What can I say," Lauren teased, leaning in to the girl's personal space, "you seem to bring out the worst in me." 

Camila opened her mouth to speak but ended up shutting it again. Instead of responding with words, she pursed her lips and gave a grumpy glare. The motion stole Lauren's attention and her gaze dropped to Camila's mouth. 

In that moment, Lauren wanted nothing more than to kiss the adorable pout off of Camila's lips. 

And so she did. 

Lauren's heart raced as she lifted her hand and cupped the back of Camila's neck. A rush of anxious butterflies flooded her stomach but she embraced the feeling. It wasn't fear, it was affection, and it was about time she learned the difference. 

A blissful smile tugged at her lips as she closed her eyes and leaned in, meeting Camila half way. The kiss was hesitant and slow at first, the two girls exploring each other with unhurried passion. There was something special about kissing in the light of day, it felt more intimate and real. 

Lauren shifted, turning to face Camila more squarely. Their bare thighs brushed and the skin on skin contact drew a low moan from her throat. She buried her fingers into the hair at Camila's scalp and tugged the girl forward, desperate for more contact. it ended up being a little bit more aggressive then she'd meant, and the kiss broke apart as Camila giggled into Lauren's mouth. 

"Shit, I'm sorry." Lauren hurried to apologize. She caressed the back of Camila's neck and brought their foreheads together, her breathing labored and erratic.

"I like it a little rough, but not too much..." Camila teased in song before getting cut off.

"Shut up." Lauren giggled, going in for another kiss. The need to touch every inch of Camila's body was overwhelming. No amount of contact seemed to be enough.

Unable to resist, Lauren dropped a hand to Camila's thigh. The skin beneath her fingers was soft and warm as she ran her hand up to the girl's hip and back to her inner thigh. Camila must have enjoyed the caress because she released a soft moan and moved to straddle Lauren. 

The new position offered much better leverage, which Lauren was grateful for as the kiss grew more and more heated. Camila's lips were satin soft, her tongue was velvet, and the way she licked inside Lauren's mouth and cradled her jaw to hold her in place made Lauren breathless. 

Camila tasted like mint and smelled of fresh rain. Years of longing drove every stroke of her tongue, and she kissed Lauren with enough fire to burn the world to ashes several times over. Like everything with Camila, it was beautiful and devastating all at once.

They kissed for several long moments before Lauren was eventually forced to pull away. She  _really_ didn't want to but her lungs insisted. Still, the burn for oxygen was nothing compared to the blazing desire in her veins. She had never been kissed so passionately or thoroughly, it was honestly a life changing experience.

"Wow." Camila breathed out, climbing off of Lauren's lap. She flopped down face first on the bed and took a moment to compose herself. After while, she flipped over and gave Lauren a breathtaking smile.

"Same." Lauren laughed, flopping down next to Camila on the bed. She laid on her back and stared at the ceiling, basking in the joy that seemed to burst from every cell in her body. 

After a while, Lauren turned to face the beautiful girl at her side. Camila was propped up on her elbow, already watching Lauren with an affectionate grin. Silence filled the room as the two girls smiled at each other like a couple of lovesick nerds. 

"Hi." Camila whispered, breaking the stillness. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were bright red from kissing. She looked happy and satisfied. Lauren couldn't help but take pride in the fact that she had put that beautiful smile on Camila's face.

"Hi." Lauren whispered back, reaching out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Camila's ear.

"Maybe we should stay in today. We can watch movies and talk..." Camila spoke softly, radiating joy and warmth, "You can show me all of your cool, new hipster music and I'll read you poems from the book I bought last week."

Lauren nodded wordlessly, too overcome with emotion to respond properly. This was all she had ever wanted. For years she had imagined a million of these days with Camila. Now that it was finally happening, she didn't know what to do with herself.

"Great," Camila smiled brightly before leaning over to place a lingering kiss against Lauren's cheek, "I'll go get the book from my bag, you stay right where you are."

"I wouldn't dream of leaving." Lauren whispered under her breath, watching as Camila sauntered off in her ridiculous banana socks.


	15. The Truth

[ **Listen while reading: ♫ _Lionhearted by Billie Marten_** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vmD-4j5UMo)

 

"Edgar Allen Poe isn't creepy, he's misunderstood." Lauren huffed, moving to exit the taxi cab. 

Camila paid the driver and offered a friendly wave before replying, "Are you serious? Poe's stories are morbid and creepy. The man was insane!"

The two girls had spent the entire day packing, traveling, and arguing over literature. It was almost ten o'clock at night and they had just arrived at Portsmouth Harbor. Now, they were going to board a ferry to Le Havre and spend the next few days exploring France.

"Well," Lauren shifted the bag on her shoulder and began walking towards the ferry, "I happen to think his work is romantic."

"Romantic?" Camila's nose scrunched up in distaste. She hurried to catch up with Lauren, walking close enough that their shoulders brushed every other step. It was this kind of casual closeness she had missed the most. Fleeting moments and touches were sort of her and Lauren's thing.

It was a chilly night and the wind sweeping up from the water reminded Camila of home. There was something special about the ocean at night. The darkness made the sound of crashing waves more romantic and the smell of salty sea more soothing. It filled Camila's heart with happiness and left her reeling with a tender nostalgia. Then again, it could also be the company.

"Alright, tell me why you think Edgar Allen Poe is romantic." Camila challenged, bumping shoulders with Lauren. Honestly, she could listen to Lauren talk about literature and poetry all day. The girl was so passionate and spirited when talking about art, it tied Camila's stomach into knots of affection. 

"Are you sure? You know I can talk about this for hours, right?" Lauren warned, releasing a warm laugh. The lovely noise drifted through the evening air and filled Camila's senses. It sounded like heaven and felt like returning home from a long vacation.

Camila glanced over and met Lauren's tender stare, "I know," she grinned, "it's one of my favorite things about you."

They came to a slow stop in the middle of the boarding ramp, too caught up in each other to notice the frustrated travelers grumbling in annoyance as they were forced to step around them. Camila's heart pounded in rhythm with the waves as she drifted closer to Lauren. Their relationship had always been precious but challenging, like sifting through a muddy river for treasure. They were on the cusp of gold, Camila could feel it. If only there was a way to make it stay.

A tender smile touched Lauren's lips as she reached out to take Camila's hand. The touch was soft and warm, causing Camila's heart to flip inside her chest. The way Lauren's eyes filled with fire and awe made Camila feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. 

Lauren opened her mouth to speak but someone bumped into Camila's shoulder and ruined the moment. It was a large man and the unexpected impact nearly sent Camila to the ground. Thankfully, she was able to reclaim her balance before making a total fool of herself.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Lauren shouted, releasing Camila's hand and turning towards the man with clenched fists. 

"You fags shouldn't have been blocking the way!" 

_Oh shit._

A furious growl erupted from Lauren's throat. The last time Camila had heard that sound, Lauren had broken a girl's nose at a club. At the time, their security guard, Rob, was able to pull Lauren away before the bouncers had showed up. Thankfully, the other girl had been too drunk to press charges, otherwise Lauren probably would have been arrested. 

"What did you call us?" Lauren's voice was alarmingly quiet and raspy, as if it was all she could do to keep her rage under control. 

At first, Camila was too stunned and embarrassed to do anything. The hateful slur made her skin crawl. A surge of horrible feelings and memories resurfaced, but she pushed them away when she noticed the dangerous fire in Lauren's eyes. The girl was about to do something stupid, and if Camila didn't stop her then bad things would happen.

"Lauren," Camila begged, her voice sounding shaky and fragile. She reached out to grab Lauren's clenched fist. With slow and tender movements, she forced the girl's fingers apart. "please."

"Why don't you listen to your girlfriend _,_ you fag!" The man sneered, his words dripping with disgust and disapproval.

"I will fucking k–"

"Lauren, please." Camila interrupted. The ache in her chest was growing worse by the second. She was moments away from a breakdown and she wouldn't be able to pull Lauren away from a fight. "Please."

The desperation in Camila's voice grabbed the girl's attention. Lauren whipped her head around and caught Camila's pleading stare. All at once, Lauren's anger morphed into concern and the tension in her shoulders released. She blinked a couple of times before letting out a shaky breath. 

"Shit, Camz, are you okay?" She whispered, soft and concerned. Camila shook her head in the negative and Lauren reached up to wipe a stray tear from the shorter brunette's cheek. The horrible man was forgotten as Lauren wrapped an arm around Camila's shoulders and led them away. Her grip was strong but gentle as she weaved through the crowd, shielding Camila from the passing faces.

Ice spread through Camila's veins as former pain and anxiety wrapped cold fingers around her throat and squeezed. She was suffocating from the inside out. The last time she had been bombarded with these feelings, she had made the worst mistake of her life. 

"You're shaking." Lauren breathed out, sounding slightly panicked. She rubbed Camila's arm, trying to generate heat and comfort. With her free hand, she retrieved the suite key from her pocket and opened their door. It was a six hour trip to France and they had decided to rent a room just in case. 

The door clicked shut behind them and Lauren pulled Camila into a bone crushing hug. Her soft curves and warm skin fought away the worst of Camila's demons and melted the ice numbing her limbs. Lauren didn't know why Camila was so broken. She couldn't because Camila had never told her. The only person who knew about the buried memories was Shawn.

Days could have passed for all Camila knew. She was too busy reigning in the dark thoughts and feelings to keep track of time. Somehow, Lauren knew exactly what she needed. Not once did the girl ask questions or demand answers. Instead, Lauren held Camila tight and braved the storm with her in silence.

"Thank you." Camila eventually mumbled into Lauren's shoulder. Her throat burned with unshed tears but she no longer felt as though she was suffocating.

"Are you okay?" Lauren whispered. She pulled back to tuck a strand of hair behind Camila's ear. Her vibrant, green eyes roamed over Camila's face as if checking for some kind of tangible wound before locking with Camila's broken stare.

Camila shook her head and swallowed. She could tell Lauren that the man's harsh slur had upset her, which was the truth, but it was so much more than that. Lauren deserved to hear the entire truth. Taking in a series of deep breaths, Camila prepared herself for the next few moments. She had never told this story to anyone.

"What that man said brought up a lot of really bad memories and feelings." Camila began to explain. Her heart was beating violently against her ribs but she refused to let fear win. There was an extensive pause before she finally gathered enough courage to speak about the series of events that had changed her life forever. 

Silence filled the room, forcing Camila to look up and gauge Lauren's reaction. The girl looked confused and concerned. Unable to speak, Lauren gave a small nod of encouragement.

"I never told you why I left Fifth Harmony," Camila finally whispered, "I want to do that now."

* * *

 

**3 Years Ago**

_"I fucking hate Brad Simpson!" Camila stormed into the dressing room without knocking. The door slammed shut behind her, rattling the pictures on the wall._

_Shawn jumped in surprise, nearly dropping his guitar to the ground. "Jesus, Camila." He placed a hand over his thumping heart. He opened his mouth to reprimand his crazy friend, but then he saw the tears in Camila's eyes. Instead, he held his tongue and watched as Camila flopped down on the couch next to him. A rogue tear fell to the girl's cheek as she moved to rest her head on his shoulder._

_Shawn set his guitar down and wrapped an arm around Camila's shoulders. The girl let out a quiet whimper and sniffled. He waited for Camila to stop shaking before asking, "What's wrong? Why are you mad at a guy you haven't seen in over a year."_

_The room fell silent as Camila worked to control her ragged breathing. Screaming fans could be heard in the distance, cheering in excitement as Taylor Swift finished the first half of her set. Shawn waited patiently for his friend to compose herself enough to speak._

_"I fucking hate Brad Simpson." Camila repeated, this time more shaky and sad. "Also, fuck Clara Jauregui."_

_Shawn was completely lost. He watched Camila lean forward to grab a tissue from the coffee table and waited for the girl to elaborate. Her eyes were puffy and her mascara was smudge_ _d_ _, making her look like a sad raccoon._

_"What happened?" Shawn tried again, grimacing as Camila blew her nose loudly into the tissue._

_"Do you remember what happened last spring with Lauren and I?" Camila sniffled, looking back at Shawn with utter despair._

_"You mean when Clara freaked out on you two?"_

_Camila nodded, remembering the day that Clara had walked in on her and Lauren cuddling during a movie. Their embrace had been intimate but innocent. Well, as innocent as it could have been given the fact Camila had a major crush. That day, Clara had freaked out and demanded to talk to Lauren alone. They were gone for almost a full hour before Lauren finally returned. Camila would never forget the discouraged look in Lauren's eyes as she told Camila they needed to spend some time apart. Intimidated and confused by her own feelings, Camila had reluctantly agreed._

_"Yes. After that talk with Clara, everything went to shit. Lauren started throwing herself at boys and encouraged me to do the same. I was so fucking confused."_

_"I know," Shawn released a sympathetic sigh and reached out to rub soothing circles on Camila's back, "but hey, falling in love with your best friend is a right of passage."_

_Camila shot the boy a frustrated glare. "I wasn't in love." She demanded before standing up to pace the room. She hated when Shawn said stuff like that, it only made her more confused._

_"Sorry," Shawn conceded. Sometimes he forgot that Camila was still in denial._

_"It's okay," Camila stopped pacing and looked over with a sad frown. Lately, it seemed Shawn was the only person who cared. The friendships in Fifth Harmony weren't what they used to be. No one talked about it, but sometimes Camila felt resented by the other girls. She did her best to tone it down in interviews and fade into the background, but that didn't help. Camila's popularity was growing and it was creating tension within the group._

_Shaking off the depressing thoughts, Camila cleared her throat and went to sit next to Shawn. She dug her phone out of her pocket and sighed, "Things were finally getting better with Lauren, then I got this text from some random number."_

_Camila handed the device to Shawn and waited for him to read the upsetting messages._

_"Holy shit," Shawn gasped, scrolling through the texts. They were screen shots of Brad and Lauren's text messages from a year ago. After reading the last one, Shawn glanced over with a concerned frown._

_"Yeah," Camila bit down on her lip and tried to keep the tears at bay, "Last summer, after Clara told Lauren to stop hanging out with me, Lauren lost her virginity to Brad."_

_"I'm so sorry, Camila." Shawn wrapped the girl in a comforting hug. He knew the pain of rejection all too well, especially when it came to best friends._

_Camila let out a choked sob and buried her face into Shawn's shoulder. She was hurt, confused, and completely alone. It wasn't like she could talk to her parents or any of the girls in Fifth Harmony._

_Thankfully, Shawn seemed to understand her pain and confusion. He didn't judge her or push her to confront the issues of sexuality. Instead, Shawn listened and let her cry on his shoulder. Their friendship meant the world to Camila, without it she would've been completely alone._

_"Deep down, I think I knew that Lauren was sleeping with him... I shouldn't even be this upset." Camila tried to justify._

_"Stop that," Shawn gently reprimanded, "It's okay to feel hurt. You don't have to know why or explain yourself. If it hurts, it hurts."_

_"Thank you," Camila nodded, closing her eyes and sinking into his strong arms. He placed a tender kiss against her forehead and she allowed the affectionate gesture to ease some of her pain. After several minutes, her breathing evened out and the tears on her cheeks dried. Lifting her head from Shawn's shoulder, she blew her nose into a tissue and met his caring stare._

_"Fuck Brad Simpson." Shawn whispered, sounding adorably angry and compassionate._

_Camila let out a hearty laugh and leaned back against the couch. Already, she felt the tender ache in her heart begin to ease. "Yeah, fuck him." She giggled, watching as Shawn grabbed his guitar from the floor._

_"Wanna hear the melody I was working on before you barged in unannounced?" Shawn asked with a small smile. He didn't wait for an answer, just started playing._

_Two hours later, 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' was written and they were singing it at the top of their lungs in the dressing room._

* * *

 

**Present Day**

"Shit, Camila," Lauren looked positively horrified, "I had no idea how badly I had hurt you. I am so sorry. If I would have known how upset you were, I never would have listened to my mom. I was so confused and vulnerable, I thought boys were the answer. I didn't even think about how my actions were affecting you."

Camila reached out to stroke Lauren's cheek, "I forgave you a long time ago. Besides, none of that was your fault, it was a confusing time for both of us. I'm only telling you this because I want you to understand why I made the decisions that I did."

"I'm so sorry." Lauren bit her lip and dropped her head in shame.

"Hey," Camila lifted the girl's chin and placed a tender kiss on her lips, "we're on the same page now and that's all that matters."

"You're right." Lauren sighed, finding assurance in Camila's chocolate eyes. Her lips tingled from the brief kiss and she allowed herself to find comfort in the sensation.

"Let's sit down," Camila took hold of Lauren's hand and pulled the girl to the bed across the room. They sat down at the foot of the mattress and Camila moved to take off her shoes. After getting comfortable, she pulled her feet up on the bed and twisted to face Lauren more directly.

"The night that Shawn and I wrote that song, I made a decision to distance myself from you and the group. Like I said, I was confused and hurt at the time. It seemed like the best way to protect myself."

Lauren nodded, eager to hear more of Camila's perspective. It was uncomfortable and hard, but she wanted them to grow. Before they could stitch their wounds, they had to scrub away the dead skin and prevent future infection. Addressing past injuries was part of the healing process. 

"Shawn and I discussed having a different girl sing my part, but it didn't feel right. Besides, it was sort of therapeutic to sing it together." Camila continued with her story, doing her best to explain the reasoning behind her decisions. "I would have told you and the group sooner, but I couldn't explain anything without outing myself. Back then, I still hadn't totally accepted my sexuality. I figured my feelings for you were some sort of fluke."

Lauren's heart throbbed with compassion and regret. If only she had been brave enough to tell Camila how she'd felt. They had both been struggling with the same problem.

"Shawn became my best friend. He was also struggling with his sexuality, but it was harder for him. Both his manager and his family are super homophobic."

"Why doesn't he get a new manager?" Lauren questioned.

"That's another long story," Camila offered a humorless laugh before growing serious again, "But that leads me to the next part of the story. Do you remember that day I showed up at your apartment a few months after the group's breakup?"

Lauren gave a silent nod. She had a feeling this story would be particularly painful to revisit.

* * *

 

**2 Years Ago**

_"I love you Shawn but I can't do this." Tears poured from Camila's eyes, blurring her vision. She couldn't even look at her best friend. His face was swollen and his lip was bleeding. No doubt he would have two black eyes in the morning._

_"Look at me Camila!" Shawn yelled, his angry and desperate voice ringing through Camila's empty apartment. With no furniture to absorb the anguished sound, it slammed into Camila's chest with startling force._

_Camila stumbled backwards as if the words had physically struck her. She forced herself to meet Shawn's eyes, which was a major mistake. He looked more broken and desperate than she had ever seen him._

_"Shawn, I can't marry you." Camila choked out. The words filled the room and threatened to suffocate them both._

_The apartment grew painfully silent before Shawn whispered, "I thought you were my friend."_

_"I am!" Camila's heart was shattering in her chest. She could feel the different slivers stabbing into the walls of her ribcage. It was excruciating and horrific but she couldn't do what Shawn was asking._

_"Do you see this?" Shawn pointed to the giant cut in his lip, "This will be my life unless you help me."_

_"Shawn," Camila sighed, tears continuing to stain her cheeks, "The pain won't disappear if I marry you. If anything, it will just be worse for both of us."_

_Another horrible silence filled the room. Shawn stared at her with hurt and disappointment. In that moment, Camila had never felt so completely shattered._

_"Fine," Shawn breathed out a tearful sigh, "I thought if anyone loved me enough to do this, it was you... I guess I was wrong."_

_"Shawn, please," Camila pleaded as the boy turned to leave. She could feel their friendship slipping into oblivion. Shawn was the only person that cared for Camila and vice versa. Without each other, they were both alone._

_As the door to Camila's apartment clicked shut, the last piece of Camila's heart shattered. She knew that Shawn was constantly being harassed about his sexuality, but she never knew it was so bad. Still, she couldn't bring herself to marry him as a solution. How could hiding their sexuality be the answer?_

_Despair filled Camila's being. It was so profound and toxic, she felt as though her chest would collapse. She couldn't breath or think. The walls of her empty apartment were closing in on her and she had to escape. Only she had nowhere to go._

_Camila pressed her palms so violently against her eye sockets, pain radiated throughout her skull and black stars marred her vision. After several minutes, the tears finally stopped falling. But the suffocating sensation remained._

_Without stopping to think, Camila grabbed her keys from the counter and ran out to her car. The hot Miami air filled her lungs and dried the tears from her cheeks. She hurried into the drivers seat and started the engine._

_Thirty minutes later, the suffocating ache had eased and Camila finally felt free enough to breath. Shifting her car into park, she stared up at Lauren's apartment building and took a deep breath. She hadn't driven here on purpose, in fact, she didn't actually know what had happened. One minute she was driving furiously with no destination in mind, the next she was driving circles around Lauren's block._

_At least two hours passed as Camila battled within herself. She couldn't find the courage to go inside, but she didn't have the strength to drive home. Her empty apartment sounded a lot like a death trap. Given the horrible thoughts and feelings flowing from her heart, it probably wasn't a good idea to be alone._

_Then, the decision was made for Camila when she saw Lauren pull into the apartment complex. Camila's heart raced as she watched Lauren exit her car and begin walking towards the stairs leading up to her building. Without stopping to think, Camila pushed the door open and ran after Lauren._

_"Hey!"_

_Camila waited in anticipation as Lauren froze in place. At first, she thought the girl would ignore her and keep walking, but then Lauren turned around. That's when the first ounce of hope shattered._

_"Camila, what are you doing here?" Lauren forced a smile, obviously not happy to see her ex-bandmate._

_"I was just in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by." Camila forced the joke in order to hide her pain. Her fragile heart couldn't handle authenticity, so she shoved a mask on to protect herself._

_"I'm not in the mood, Camila." Lauren frowned, turning to walk up the stairs to her apartment._

_The suffocating feeling returned. Camila had no choice but to follow Lauren. It was either that or choke to death in the parking lot._

_"I came to apologize," Camila lied. At this point, she would do anything to melt Lauren's icy exterior. The rejection would ruin her at this point._

_"Seriously?" Lauren scoffed as they reached the door. Camila refused to cry. Instead she watched patiently as Lauren unlocked the door and went inside. "I think you're forgetting all of the shitty things you did to me over the last six months."_

_Fuck. There was no way Camila could not do this right now. The ache in her chest radiated throughout her entire body, making it difficult to walk. Still, she followed Lauren inside. She watched Lauren fill a glass of water before the girl went to sit on the couch. Her cold indifference was Camila's undoing. She couldn't handle this._

_"Could you please just look at me?" Camila pleaded with every ounce of her being. She couldn't handle this._

_Lauren looked, but Camila could tell that the girl didn't see. Lauren was too wrapped up in her own pain to notice Camila's anguish. In that moment, whatever tiny piece of Camila was left shattered. Lauren screamed angry, hurtful words that sank like arrows into Camila's already tattered heart._

_Then, she threw Camila out to protect herself and, it some ways, Camila was thankful. She never wanted anyone to feel the profound despair that she felt in that moment. And so she left Lauren's apartment without protest._

_Camila couldn't remember the drive home but she remembered the numbness as she opened the door to her apartment that night. She poured herself a glass of wine and called Shawn. Ten minutes later, she was engaged._

* * *

 

**Present Day**

Lauren cried into Camila's arms as the story ended. She sobbed for Camila's heartache and for the regret she felt. Camila assured her that it was fine now, but nothing would stop Lauren's tears. After realizing this, Camila pulled Lauren to the mattress and wrapped her in a bone crushing embrace.

Several minutes passed before Lauren's violent sobs eased into silent whimpers. She apologized profusely, but she didn't need to. It wasn't Lauren's fault. The events of that day had been orchestrated by something far greater than either Lauren or Camila. They were simply victims of circumstance.

"Please don't beat yourself up." Camila took Lauren's face between her hands. She brushed away the girl's tears and offered a shy smile, "It's kind of funny in a way."

"What the hell!?" Lauren stared at Camila in disbelief, "What part of that story could you possibly find funny?"

Camila pulled Lauren into another long hug. She mumbled her answer into the girl's shoulder, "We were both hurting each other without knowing it. If we would have communicated better, who knows what would have happened."

"That's not funny," Lauren laughed, contradicting her own feelings, "I fucking hate that day. I hate that I had no idea how badly you were hurting. How the fuck could I miss something like that."

The defeat in Lauren's tone was heartbreaking. Camila pulled away from their embrace and met Lauren's sad gaze. "You're human, Lauren. No matter how much you care about me, you can't rescue me every time I'm drowning. The same goes for me, I can't always be the one to save you. We can do our best to love each other through the storms, but we can't be each other's life vests."

The room grew quiet as Camila's words drifted into the atmosphere. The two girl stared at each other in silence for several long moments before a slow grin stretched across Lauren's lips.

"Did you say love?" Lauren's smile grew as a blush tinted Camila's cheeks.

"That doesn't count." Camila whined, burying her face in the crook of Lauren's neck. She smiled into the warm skin and breathed in the girl's familiar perfume.

Lauren wrapped two strong arms around Camila's back and laughed, "I think it should kinda count."

"Fine," Camila shifted closer, "but it's not an official 'I love you,' so don't get cocky or anything."

"Whatever you say, Camz." Lauren grinned before planting a lingering kiss on top of Camila's head.


	16. The Butterfly

**Listen while reading: ♫ _Butterfly Culture (Burn Water Remix) by Benjamin Francis Leftwich_**

 

Quiet chatter and soft jazz music filled the small, French café. Camila popped the last bit of pastry into her mouth and wiped the crumbs off on her jeans. They had arrived in Le Havre around 6am but Camila felt rested and excited. After breakfast she and Lauren had plans to explore the city. For now, they were busy finishing their conversation about Edgar Allan Poe.

Reaching for her cup of hot chocolate, Camila took a small sip. The drink was delicious and sweet but it was nothing compared to the beautiful girl across the table. 

"Here's the thing," Lauren leaned forward, a wistful sigh falling from her lips, "Edgar Allan Poe was only 15 when his first love died. His life was full of death and loss, no wonder his work was morbid. I just wish people could see past the darkness and despair. Maybe then they'd see the beauty in his work."

Camila studied Lauren's features with fascination, watching as the beautiful brunette spoke passionately about her favorite poet.

" _Annabel Lee_  makes me cry every time I read it." Lauren played with her necklace as she spoke. It was the sun pendant Camila had given her nearly 4 years ago. Seeing Lauren with it on still made Camila's heart skip a beat. 

Lauren was wearing a black turtle neck and her hair was pulled up into a lose ponytail. Messy strands of hair framed her beautiful face, making her look perfectly imperfect. Camila couldn't stop staring. She was transfixed and enchanted, and maybe, if she hadn't been so distracted by Lauren's presence, she would have recognized the feeling as love.

"Could you imagine losing the love of your life like that?" Lauren's question pulled Camila from her thoughts. Camila thought for a moment before softly shaking her head 'no'. 

A comfortable silence fell between them. Lauren tucked a dark strand of hair behind her ear and shifted her gaze out the café window. Lost in her thoughts, she chewed on her chapped lips and moved to rest a hand over her heart. The action seemed unconscious, as if Lauren was assessing the condition of her own heart.

Several moments passed in soft reverie. It was obvious that Lauren was lost in her memories. Camila's lips twitched with barely restrained curiosity. She wanted to know the thoughts running through Lauren's head, but they seemed private. And so she didn't ask.

"His poetry means a lot to you." Camila observed, watching as Lauren slowly returned to reality. The girl tore her eyes away from the strangers passing on the sidewalk and directed her attention back towards Camila. If Camila hadn't been watching so closely, so would have missed the glossy tears in Lauren's eyes. 

"You could say that." Lauren released a soft laugh. She traced the flower on her white, ceramic mug before lifting the drink to her lips and taking a slow sip. After setting the mug back down, she peered up at Camila and the corners of her mouth lifted. The smile was so pure and genuine, it stole the breath from Camila's lungs.

It took ages for Camila to remember how to speak. When she finally did, the words came out soft and saturated in affection, "Maybe I should give Poe another chance." 

Mid-morning light poured in through the window and illuminated the golden flecks in Lauren's green eyes. She leaned forward and gave Camila a heart stopping grin, "Maybe you should."

Camila's heart fluttered within her chest and a fleeting sense of panic made her breath catch. The feeling was quickly forgotten as Lauren pushed her mug of hot chocolate aside and leaned forward to press a tender kiss against Camila's lips. 

Caught up in the moment, Camila reached up to cup Lauren's face between her palms. The girl's skin was soft and warm, and when Lauren's tongue ran across her lips, Camila melted into a puddle of bliss and awe. Without hesitating, she met the next swipe of Lauren's tongue with her own. 

Lauren tasted like the whipped cream from her latte and her lips were as soft as satin. The combination was overwhelming and Camila found herself pressing harder into Lauren's mouth, trying desperately to experience everything the girl was offering.

A throat cleared off in the distance but Camila ignored the sound. Kissing Lauren felt way too good. Each stroke of her tongue sent chills down Camila's spine. Lauren was attentive and ardent, and she kissed Camila in a way that made her toes curl. 

The person cleared their throat again and this time Lauren pulled away. Heat crawled up Camila's neck as she glanced over at the unamused waiter. He reprimanded them in French before disappearing once again. Other people in the café stared at them in disapproval. A few looked amused, which only made Camila blush harder.

The second Camila met Lauren's gaze, the girl broke out into loud laughter. The noise drew even more attention and Camila buried her face in her hands. Her lips were tingling from Lauren's kiss and she could feel her heart pounding in her finger tips. The chemistry between her and Lauren was electric and impossible to resist. At least that's what Camila told herself in attempt to justify making out with Lauren in public.

"We should probably get out of here." Lauren giggled before downing the rest of her latte. She slipped from the booth and offered Camila a helping hand. Lauren's fingers were warm and strong as they wrapped around Camila's. It was ridiculous, even holding Lauren's hand gave Camila butterflies.

"I can't believe you." Camila whined, burying her face into Lauren's shoulder as they exited the café. She had never felt so mortified or embarrassed. And yet, for some reason, she couldn't stop smiling about it.

"What did I do!?" Lauren laughed, leading Camila down the sidewalk. She wrapped an arm around the shorter girl's waist and pulled her tight against her side. The position made it hard to walk but Camila wasn't about to complain. 

"You started it!" Camila scolded, lifting her head from Lauren's shoulder so she could make eye contact with the frustrating yet gorgeous brunette.

"Yeah, but I meant for the kiss to be short and sweet. You made it inappropriate when you stuck your tongue in my mouth."

Camila let out startled laugh and slapped Lauren's arm. "That is not what happened."

"Whatever you say." Lauren smirked, moving to interlace her fingers with Camila's. 

They walked up and down the streets of Le Havre for the next few hours, exploring the stores and buying stupid souvenirs. After eating lunch in another random café, Lauren insisted on buying Camila frozen custard. 

As they walked hand in hand eating their dessert, Camila tried to remember a time when she'd felt so happy. Lauren was thoughtful and amazing. She opened doors for Camila all day and insisted on paying for everything. In retrospect, it almost felt as though they were on a date. Of course, Camila, being the embarrassing idiot she was, had to point that out.

"Is this a date?" She blurted, cringing as Lauren came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk. They were holding hands and the unexpected action nearly made Camila drop her custard. 

Lauren waited for Camila to meet her gaze before she spoke, "No... I mean, not unless you..." She trailed off awkwardly, a blush filling her cheeks. She tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear and chewed nervously on her lower lip.

Camila wasn't sure how to respond. If they called today a date then everything would become real. When things got real, Camila got scared. Her stupid brain had this way of digging up every insecurity and doubt she'd ever had. It was honestly the worst. She had never cared for anyone the way she cared for Lauren. It was so much easier to love someone in your head then actually put your heart on the line and love them in real life.

"Do you want this to be a date?" Lauren whispered, looking as anxious as Camila felt.

"I'm not sure." Camila answered candidly, hoping that Lauren would understand.

A short silence fell between them before Lauren released a sigh and offered a shy smile. "Me neither."

Camila let out a soft laugh, "We're a mess."

"Always have been." Lauren agreed. They shared an understanding smile before Camila's eyes landed on a flower shop across the street. A beautiful arrangement of gardenias sat in the window sill, giving her an idea.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." Camila offered Lauren a warm smile before turning to cross the road. 

Words were simultaneously Camila's favorite and least favorite thing in the world. The right words expressed the heart and allowed for deeper connection and understanding. When Camila had the words, everything was perfect and amazing... but more often than not, she struggled to find them. 

When it came to Lauren, it seemed words could never properly express anything. It was infuriating. No combination of consonants and vowels could capture the love, confusion, and desperation Camila felt. And so she would buy Lauren flowers. Hoping another living thing could communicate something the words couldn't.

As Camila entered the store, her nose was bombarded by a mix of floral scents. She approached the man behind the counter and attempted to order Lauren's favorite flowers. The store owner knew just enough English to communicate that the gardenias were only for show. Frowning in disappointment, Camila tried to remember if Lauren had a second favorite flower. She couldn't recall anything specific, so she settled on a pretty bouquet of daisies.

Camila handed over the money and exited the store. She hurried to cross the street, suddenly anxious to give Lauren the present. She'd never bought a pretty girl flowers. The last four years had been extremely lonely for Camila, at least romantically speaking. Being in a fake relationship with Shawn had really put a damper on her love life. Whatever was going on between her and Lauren was the first real relationship she'd been in since Austin Mahone. 

Camila's nose wrinkled in disgust and she shook her head, trying to rid herself of the memories. As she crossed the street and locked eyes with Lauren, all thoughts of horrible past relationships left her mind.

"Here." Camila handed over the daisies, feeling a little awkward. 

Lauren buried her nose in the petals and drew in a deep breath. She glanced up at Camila and offered a smile that ripped the breath from Camila's lungs. 

"The, uh, gardenias weren't for sale." Camila mumbled, dazed and transfixed by the adoration in Lauren's bright eyes. She couldn't understand why boys whined so much about buying their girlfriends flowers. The appreciation and joy in Lauren's eyes felt like an honor, not a burden.

"I love daisies." 

Camila nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. She shook her head and retrieved the folded up flyer from her back pocket. The paper was covered in brightly colored butterflies and French words that Camila couldn't read. 

"The guy at the store mentioned that a butterfly pavilion opened a few blocks down. Tickets are free all day. Wanna check it out?"

Lauren nodded enthusiastically, "That sounds like a blast!" 

A pleased smile tugged at Camila's lips. She folded the paper back up and put it in her pocket. "Great, I guess it's just a few block this way." 

Camila took off walking, expecting the other girl to follow. Instead, she felt Lauren's hand on her shoulder. Camila turned around, brows furrowed in question.

"Thank you for the flowers, Camz." Lauren smiled brightly before leaning in to place a lingering kiss against Camila's cheek. 

* * *

 

"This place is amazing!" Camila exclaimed, eyes roaming over the isles of vegetation. Trees, shrubs, and flowers filled the open room. The ceiling was made of glass and the bright, mid-afternoon sunlight illuminated every inch of the pavilion. 

Lauren watched Camila's face light up as a small group of butterflies flew a few feet over their heads. The dorky smile on Camila's face made Lauren laugh.

"What?" Camila turned around, her stupid grin growing wider.

"Nothing." Lauren shook her head in amusement, "Is this your first time at a butterfly pavilion?"

"Yes, what about you?" Camila began walking, leaving Lauren no choice but to follow. They joined up with a large tour group and took their spots near the back.

Lauren lowered her voice as the tour guide addressed the group in French. "When I was in middle school we took a field trip to the local butterfly pavilion. I don't really remember much but it was fun. I got in trouble for sneaking over the barrier to climb a tree." 

"Oh my gosh," Camila released a loud laugh that earned a few harsh shushes. She placed a hand over her mouth but continued to giggle, "you would." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lauren huffed, placing a hand over her heart in mock offense.

"Please," Camila gave a wry smile, "you've always been a trouble maker."

Lauren opened her mouth to continue the playful banter, but the group started moving. Instead, she interlaced her fingers with Camila and stuck her tongue out at the girl. The group split up into English and French speakers. As it turned out, Camila and Lauren were the only English speakers there, so they got their own personal guide.

"Hello, I'm Delphine." The pretty, elderly woman introduced herself. Her accent was thick, making her a bit hard to understand. "I'll be your tour guide today, if you have any questions feel free to ask."

The woman was sweet and lively as she led them through the pavilion. Every once in a while she would stop to list off facts about the butterflies. As they walked along, Lauren found herself increasingly engrossed in the information. 

Towards the end of the tour, Delphine informed, "Molting is the shedding of old skin to make way for new growth. Despite what most people think, caterpillars molt several times before becoming butterflies. It's a painful and ugly process, but the end result is beautiful." 

As Lauren soaked in the information, she had an epiphany of sorts. The idea began as a tiny spark before spreading through her mind like a wildfire. Dots that had been laid over the course of several years finally started to connect. 

The tour wrapped up and Delphine said goodbye. As they left the pavilion, all Lauren could think about was getting back to the hotel. Her fingers ached with the need to write. If she didn't get the fragile idea down on paper, she would surely implode.

"You've been quiet ever since the tour ended." Camila spoke softly as they walked down the street. She bumped Lauren's shoulder with her own and offered a shy smile.

"Sorry," Lauren glanced over, offering a quiet smile of her own, "I've just been thinking."

Camila bit her lip and nodded. It was late evening and the sun was beginning to set. Lauren directed her attention to the gorgeous pink and orange swirls in the sky, her breath catching at the beautiful view. 

The rest of the walk was spent in silence before they finally arrived at the hotel. As they entered their room, Camila mumbled something about taking a shower before disappearing into the bathroom.

Lauren hurried to retrieve her journal from her suitcase. The black leather felt soft against her skin, bringing her a sense of comfort and relief. She sat down at the table across the room and released a soft sigh as she dated the top corner of the page and began to write.

 

_August 25, 2019_

_I am in love with a butterfly._

_Like a butterfly, the girl I love learned to master the art of illusion. Strangers called her beautiful but they never got as close as me. They never saw what I saw. Take away the girl's wings and she was still the same caterpillar from her youth. She never really changed, only harnessed the power of attractiveness. She learned to look pretty, think simple, and conform. By changing who she appeared to be on the outside, the world declared her beautiful._

_She neglected her true form, telling herself that a caterpillar wasn't worthy of love. At first, I thought she pushed me away because I saw her for who she really was, the timid and underrated caterpillar. Then I realized that she pushed me away because sacrificing herself for others is all she's ever known. She couldn't stand herself, so she spent her time making others feel beautiful and worthy. All the while, rejecting every person who knew and loved her true form._

_Camila doesn't know it, but she's been in the process of transforming for years. All of the pain and molting will pay off, I know it. I just hope that she'll embrace the final stages and resist the urge to push me away. If she can do that, then I know we'll both transform into something beautiful._

 

Lauren set the pen down and closed her journal with a heavy sigh. It felt amazing to finally transfer her thoughts onto paper, but the words brought a sense of dread. They served as a reminder that she and Camila still had a long way to go. The last week had been amazing but growth wasn't an instantaneous event, it was a process. Both she and Camila had old skin that needed to be shed before they could transform completely. 

The shower shut off, pulling Lauren's attention away from her thoughts. A few moments later, Camila appeared wearing an oversized t-shirt and no pants. Her hair was wrapped up in a white towel and her face was flushed. She looked gorgeous and soft, and Lauren's bones ached with the need to hold the girl in her arms.

"What's wrong?" Camila's face fell as she caught Lauren staring. She walked over and cupped Lauren's face between her hands. Her touch was so soft and comforting. Lauren felt her eyes flutter closed as gentle fingers continued to run through the hair at her scalp. 

"Nothing's wrong," Lauren breathed out, forcing her eyes open. She met Camila's concerned stare and gave a reassuring smile. 

Camila reached out to ease the scowl on Lauren's brow before trailing her fingers along Lauren's jaw. She traced the outline of Lauren's lips before whispering, "I had a really good time with you today."

Lauren released a contented sigh, "Me too. I can't tell you how badly I've missed spending time with you."

Camila moved to straddle Lauren's hips. The small chair made the action more difficult than anticipated, causing both girls to laugh at the awkwardness. Once Camila was finally situated, Lauren circled her hands behind Camila's back and met the girl's brown gaze.

Several moment passed in silence before Camila broke the eye contact. Lauren watched as the girl struggled within herself, biting her lip and taking a number of deep breaths. She waited patiently for Camila to speak her mind. 

"Shawn and I were about to announce our engagement," Camila finally spoke, "that's why I decided to flee to Europe."

Lauren nodded silently. The night before, Camila had briefly mentioned getting engaged to Shawn as a way to hide his sexuality. As much as Lauren didn't want to think or talk about such a thing happening, there was no avoiding the topic any longer. 

"So you  _are_  engaged to him?" Lauren tried to sound casual but the slight break in her voice ruined the effect.

"Yes," Camila let out a shaky breath, "we've been engaged for two years. At first, we thought that would be enough to appease his parents. But they keep pressuring us to announce it publicly and get married." 

Lauren didn't know what to say. Part of her raged at the idea of Shawn and Camila getting married, but more rational parts reminded her it wasn't real. 

"What are you going to do?" Lauren asked, almost not wanting to hear the answer.

Camila chewed nervously on her lips before answering, "I have to tell Shawn that I can't do it."

Lauren wanted to jump for joy but the unsure waver in Camila's tone made her hesitate. She wanted so badly to believe that Camila would follow through, but she knew how hard it was going to be. 

"It's the right thing to do." Lauren whispered, rubbing her thumbs over Camila's bare thighs. 

"I know," Camila nodded before leaning forward to wrap Lauren in a warm hug. She buried her face into Lauren's neck and took a deep breath. 

After several long moments, Camila whispered, "I'm scared." 

The words tickled Lauren's skin, causing goosebumps to appear. She squeezed Camila tighter against her chest and sighed, "me too." 

After a while, Lauren's legs began to go numb and she had no choice but to move. Camila pulled away with a shy smile and climbed off her lap. Lauren immediately missed the contact but was relieved to stand.

"I'm gonna go change. After that do you want to watch a movie?" Lauren asked, yawning half way through the invitation.

"Actually..." Camila took a deep breath and nibbled on the inside of her cheek, "I think I'm going to call Shawn." 

The unexpected answer made Lauren's breath catch. She whipped around and stared at Camila in disbelief, "Seriously?" Lauren smiled, unable to contain the intense flood of relief and hope.

"Yes," Camila laughed. Her smile was weak and anxious, but her eyes conveyed a confidence that went beyond words. "I want to be with you, Lauren. I can't do that if I marry Shawn." 

"I want to be with you too." Lauren smiled so widely her cheeks began to ache. 

Camila released another soft laugh before crossing the room with her phone in hand. As she reached the door, she turned back to Lauren and added, "Can we count today as our first date?"

Lauren was so happy and in shock, all she could manage to say was, "Yes." A million times  _yes_. 

"Cool," Camila blushed, a shy smile forming on her lips, "I'll be back in a bit." She assured before disappearing into the hallway. 

The sound of the door clicking shut echoed throughout the hotel room. Lauren stood in stunned silence for several moments before breaking out into a ridiculous happy dance. She flung herself onto the bad and turned over onto her back. 

As she stared at the ceiling, her heart pounded loudly against her ribs. Her cheeks ached from smiling and her breath came in shaky waves. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer that for once, everything would work out between her and Camila. The universe had been going against them for long enough, it was time the tides turned in their favor.


	17. The Moulting

**Listen while reading: ♫ _Halcyon by The Paper Kites_**

 

The second the door shut, Camila glanced down and realized that she didn't have on any pants _._ Blushing furiously, she turned around and pounded on the door. Two seconds later, an elderly couple walked out of their hotel room. The woman let out a startled gasp before reprimanding her husband for staring.

"Sorry." Camila mumbled under her breath. An embarrassed blush heated her cheeks and she averted her gaze as the couple walked past. She pulled at the hem of her shirt, trying to cover as much of her bare legs as possible. If only a black hole could open up and swallow her whole. 

After what felt like years, Lauren opened their door with a confused frown. She began to ask what was going on, but Camila cut her off.

"I'm not wearing pants." Camila blurted, pushing past Lauren to escape her embarrassment. A throaty chuckle followed her into the room. The heat of mortification continued to burn Camila's cheeks as she kneeled down next to her suitcase. 

"Oh my gosh," Lauren put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, "did that old couple see you?"

Camila stopped digging through her bag to glare at Lauren. "Yes, I think I gave the man a heart attack."

"Understandable." Lauren nodded, running her eyes up and down Camila's body. A cute smile stretched across her lips, making Camila's stomach feel warm and fuzzy. She offered Lauren a shy smile before moving to sift through her clothes.  

"Alright," Camila stood up and pulled on a pair of sweats, "Time to call Shawn for real this time." 

As the words left Camila's mouth, her mind and body sobered. Not even Lauren's cute smiles and comforting presence could stop the rush of anxiety that crawled beneath her skin. She slipped her phone into her pocket and took a deep breath. The warm, fuzzing feeling in her stomach turned to stone and her fingers trembled as she tied a knot in the string of her sweatpants. Whatever confidence she had felt before suddenly vanished. 

Could she really call Shawn and break her promise?

He would be destroyed by the news. A million different worse case scenarios raced through Camila's mind. Would he break down and cry, or scream at her in frustration? Would he try to understand, or would he be too hurt to argue? 

Shawn had been her saving grace through Fifth Harmony's break up. She had cried on his shoulder more times than she could count, and without him there was no telling what kind of mess she would have become. When she'd found out about his sexuality, their friendship had grown into something beyond words. 

Shawn had been abused for years because of his sexuality. At first, all of the harm had been emotional and discreet. He never told Camila about his homophobic parents and manager. It wasn't until he had shown up at her doorstep with his first black eye that the truth came out. Ever since then, it had been him and Camila against the world. She was going through hell with Fifth Harmony and he was going through hell at home. They became each other's safe heavens. 

Could she really risk throwing all of that away?

"Camz?" Lauren's gentle voice pulled Camila from the depths of her dark thoughts. 

Glancing up, Camila met Lauren's concerned stare. The girl watched her with unnerving diligence, as if she were looking straight through to Camila's soul. Her green eyes were duller than usual in the dimly lit hotel room, but they still managed to steal Camila's breath away.

"I don't know if I can do this." Camila whispered, not wanting to be heard but having to speak. She averted her gaze to the floor as shame crashed over her in waves. She couldn't imagine breaking her promise to Shawn after everything they'd been through. At the same time, every cell in her body screamed for freedom. She didn't want this marriage, she wanted Lauren.

"Talk to me," Lauren spoke softly, "tell me why you're so scared."

Camila looked up and met Lauren's gaze across the room. It felt as though a canyon was between them. She longed to close the gap, but chose to sit on the edge of the bed instead. 

"I don't know." Camila sighed, frustrated at how hard it was to communicate her feelings. She bit down hard on her lower lip and shifted her gaze to her lap. The stress was making her anxiety flare up and her fingers wouldn't stop trembling.

Camila's lip began to sting due to the ferocity in which she was biting it, but she ignored the pain and did her best to organize the thoughts running through her head. It felt as though her body was made up of two polarizing magnets. Part of her was determined to keep Shawn's promise; the other part yearned for the freedom to love Lauren wholeheartedly. Making a decision would surely rip her in two.

"Stop that," Lauren whispered, reaching out to gently grasp Camila's chin. She met Camila's eyes and frowned, "you're going to draw blood if you keep biting your lip so hard."

Camila startled at first, having not noticed Lauren cross the room. Then, releasing her lip, Camila nodded softly and sighed. Lauren retracted her hand but continued to look concerned.

"Sorry," Camila spoke shakily, rubbing sweaty palms against her thighs. She took a deep breath and tried to slow her racing pulse. Controlling her thoughts was hard, but it was the best way to ease the panic constricting her chest. 

Lauren shook her head, "Don't apologize, I just don't want you to hurt yourself." She paused for a few short moments and studied Camila. Her green eyes reflected the pain and distress Camila felt. When she spoke again, her voice was low and tender, "Camz, talk to me."

"I feel like my heart is being ripped in two." Camila eventually built up the courage to admit. She held Lauren's stare, finding comfort and encouragement in the intense green depths. "I wish that I didn't have to choose between you and Shawn."

The room was silent for several long moments as a range of emotions crossed Lauren's features. Camila watched as disappoint turned into understanding, before compassion finally won out.

"You don't have to choose." Lauren whispered, attempting a small smile. The expression was weak and unconvincing, but it was the intention that mattered. She was willing to sacrifice her pain for Camila's, and that realization stole Camila's breath away. "I'm sure we can figure something else out." Lauren moved to pace the room, looking conflicted but determined.

Camila watched as Lauren struggled to find an answer that didn't exist. Lauren was honestly the most amazing woman Camila had ever met. Selflessness was her greatest strength and weakness. She'd set herself on fire to light the way for Camila. 

"You're way too good to me," Camila whispered, the familiar sentence flowing easily from her tongue. This time, she didn't speak out of relief, but rather warning. "I won't let you sacrifice your happiness for mine."

Lauren stopped pacing and looked over at Camila with furrowed brows. "What are you talking about?" 

"You are an amazing woman, Lauren. No one has every treated me as well as you do, but sometimes it worries me." Camila paused to gauge Lauren's reaction. The girl looked terribly confused and so Camila elaborated, "You always put other people first.  _Always_. I've taken advantage of that in the past and our relationship has suffered because of it. I don't want to do that anymore."

"I don't understand," The perplexed frown on Lauren's lips would have been adorable under any other circumstance. 

"I do have to choose," Camila whispered, offering a sad smile. She crossed the room on shaky legs and stopped in front of Lauren. Fingers still trembling, she reached up to cup Lauren's cheek, "You deserve extravagant love. You deserve to be someone's first choice."

"Camila..." Lauren drew in a shaky breath and covered Camila's hand with her own. She rubbed soothing circles over Camila's skin with her thumb, her green eyes locked on the brown one's a few inches away.

"I'm going to call Shawn and end the engagement." Camila spoke quietly, afraid to break the fragile moment, "I'm choosing you, Lauren."

A touched sigh rushed from Lauren's lips and she nodded. The intense look of relief and wonder that filled her eyes made Camila's heart skip a beat. In that moment, Camila vowed to make Lauren feel cherished and adored every single day for the rest of their lives. 

"I love you, Lauren." Camila breathed out, pouring her heart and soul into every syllable, "I love you so much it hurts."

Lauren let out a happy sob that was shaky and perfect, "I love you too." She stared hard into Camila's eyes, her lips stretching into a wide smile as a joyful tear crashed against her cheek. 

Camila wasn't sure who was closing the distance, but the space between them grew smaller and smaller. Every ache and pain in her heart was forgotten as overwhelming love filled her veins and spread throughout her body. The second Lauren's lips pressed against her own, Camila knew that her heart would never be the same again. 

Lauren's lips were satin soft, her tongue was velvet, and the way she licked inside Camila's mouth and cradled her jaw to hold her in place, made Camila breathless. A soft moan escaped from Lauren's throat as Camila gently captured Lauren's lower lip between her teeth. Every time their tongues touched, sparks of electricity sent chills down Camila's spine. 

The kiss was fire and Camila had never been so happy to burn. She buried her fingers into Lauren's hair and poured every ounce of love and desire into the kiss. As Lauren's fingers slipped beneath her shirt and caressed the sensitive skin on her lower back, Camila melted even further into the embrace. 

Then, the kiss slowed to an easy and sweet meeting of lips. Lauren smiled into Camila's mouth before moving to rest their foreheads together. She stroked the skin on Camila's lower back as they drifted back down to earth. Heart still racing, Camila shifted to bury her face into the crook of Lauren's neck. She drew in a long, slow breath and allowed the familiar scent to invade her senses. 

A shiver ran down Lauren's spine and Camila smiled before placing a tender kiss against the girl's skin. She let her lips linger for several moments before pulling back to look Lauren in the eyes. They stared at each other for a long time, trying to soak in the moment. 

"I should go," Camila whispered, taking in a shaky breath. She was terrified but certain. She loved Lauren more than anything else in the world. From now on, Lauren was her first and her last. As far as Camila was concerned, nothing would ever come between them again. She wouldn't leave Lauren unless Lauren asked her to. 

"Thank you, Camila." Lauren's voice was sweet and warm, wrapping around Camila's heart like an old sweater. In that moment, Camila found her home. She'd never thought to look for it in another person, but one glance into Lauren's eyes and she knew exactly where she belonged

"When I get back," Camila paused, reaching out to trace Lauren's jaw with her fingertips. She drew in a deep breath and smiled, "I'll finally be all yours." 

Without waiting for a response, Camila turned and headed for the door. Each step brought a new rush of anxiety, but she forced herself to keep walking. Shaky fingers wrapped around the cold, metal handle as she opened the door.

"Wait," Lauren's voice called out.

Camila glanced back and met the girl's intense stare.

"I love you, Camila. No matter what happens with Shawn, I'll be waiting for you." Lauren breathed out. She had a hand over her heart and when she dropped her arm, Camila swore she could see the organ on the girl's sleeve. 

Fear and anxiety prevented Camila from responding with words. Instead, she forced a smile and nodded. She drew strength from Lauren's promise and used that to propel her feet forward. 

* * *

 

The door clicked shut, echoing throughout the hotel hallway. It was almost enough to make Camila turn around and go back inside. She closed her eyes and forced herself to remember the love and hope in Lauren's eyes. The image motivated her to walk down the hallway and enter the elevator. Camila watched as the floor level grew closer to ground level. 

_Level 5. Shawn was going to be destroyed._

_Level 4. He would probably never speak to her again._

_Level 3. His parents would be furious._

_Level 2. He would suffer the consequences alone._

By the time Camila reached ground level, she was a trembling mess. Her throat burned with unshed tears and the air in her lungs felt like needles. She suddenly felt light headed. Bracing a palm on the elevator wall, she forced herself to breathe. The doors opened and she exited the elevator on shaky legs. 

"You can do this." Camila mumbled under her breath, forcing her thoughts into submission. She would not let fear win. The white numbers on her phone screen showed that it was 10:38pm. Camila quickly did the math in her head, concluding that it was late afternoon in Los Angeles. She prayed that Shawn answered the first time around because there was no way she could talk herself into doing this again. 

The cool night air brushed against Camila's cheeks as she exited the hotel. She glanced left and right, realizing that she didn't have a place to go. Drawing in a deep breath, Camila picked a direction and began walking. She glanced down at her black converse and watched as they played follow the leader. They didn't have a set destination but they were moving. 

Camila filled her lungs with the cool air and felt the weight on her chest begin to ease. The feint noises of the city played like a soundtrack in the background, reminding her that life was so much more than this moment. The world wasn't going to end after this phone call. She would wake up a year from now and be thankful for tonight.

Camila nodded to herself, looking up from the ground. A bench caught her eye and she walked over to sit down. The cold, hard wood was uncomfortable. Chills ran down Camila's spine as a gust of wind blew through her thin shirt. She closed her eyes and pictured Lauren again before unlocking her phone and finding Shawn's contact. 

The phone rang four times before Shawn's voice filled the line, "Camila! Oh my god, are you okay!? Where have you been!? Why didn't you leave a more noticeable note!?"

"Hi, Shawn." Camila breathed out, smiling softly at the boy's concerned tone. He really was a good friend. "I'm in France right now and I'm perfectly fine. The note I left was neon green, so I have no idea how you missed it."

"I swear to god, Camila," Shawn huffed, sounding annoyed but relieved to hear her voice, "I've been worried sick about you."

Camila leaned back against the bench and ran a hand through her messy hair, "I'm sorry."

There was a short silence before she heard Shawn sigh, "Are you really okay?"

"Yes and no," Camila chewed anxiously on her lower lip, "how are you doing?" She tried to prolong the inevitable but Shawn wouldn't have it.

"Nice try, but we're talking about you. Why did you flee to Europe without telling anybody."

"I left you a note," Camila mumbled under her breath which earned an annoyed huff. "Fine," she breathed out, "I left because I was freaked out about announcing our engagement."

This time, the silence that stretched on seemed never-ending. The only indication that Shawn was still on the line was the faint sound of his breathing. Camila fiddled anxiously with the hem of her shirt as she waited for a response. When none came, she decided to carry on.

"Lauren came with me," Camila whispered into the line, closing her eyes as a new wave of tears crept up the back of her throat, "I stopped by her apartment and bribed her with money. I never thought she would agree to go... but she did." 

Silence.

"The first few days were rough. I could tell she still resented me for leaving the group." Camila paused as the memories played through her mind, "Then, things slowly got better. I don't remember the exact moment she stopped being angry with me, but everything has changed."

Camila stood up from the bench, the need to move overwhelming. Adrenaline flowed like fire through her veins, dulling the fear in favor of motivation. Once again, she waited for Shawn to respond. When he didn't, she grew frustrated and anxious.

"I'm in love with her." Camila blurted, her eyes slamming shut. She came to a stop on the sidewalk and pinched the bridge of her nose. Several long moments passed but she refused to say another word until Shawn spoke up.

After a lifetime of waiting, Shawn softly replied, "I saw the pictures."

"What?" Camila asked, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Some paparazzi pictures leaked of you and Lauren. They're all over the internet, I saw them earlier today."

This time it was Camila who didn't respond, leaving Shawn to elaborate.

"There's one of you giving her flowers and one of her kissing you on the cheek," Shawn let out a soft laugh before adding, "Oh, and one of you two making out in a café. The quality is shit since it was taken through the window, but it's obvious you were enjoying yourself."

"Fuck." Camila grumbled, resting her head in the palm of her hand.

"Yeah," Shawn sighed, all traces of amusement void from his tone, "I've been trying to dowse the fire all day. My parents are pretty upset."

 _Fuck._  Camila's heart sank to her feet. All of the sudden, the world was spinning and everything around her grew fuzzy. She stumbled over to the bench from before and sat down.

"Shawn..."

"No," Shawn interrupted. His tone was surprisingly calm and gentle, "this isn't your fault, Camila."

"Yes it is," Camila breathed out, "I should have been more careful. Please tell me your dad didn't lash out."

The silence was the only answer Camila needed.

"Oh god, Shawn. I am so sorry." A tear fell to Camila's cheek. She reached up to place a hand over her aching heart. 

"It wasn't that bad." Shawn whispered, "I'm doing so much promo right now, he couldn't risk leaving any obvious bruises."

"That bastard," Camila hissed, another few tears crashing to her cheek, "I swear to god, I will kill him."

Shawn let out a bitter laugh, "How many times have you said that?"

"Too many times," Camila shook her head and leaned back against the bench. Another silence stretched between them. How was she going to tell Shawn now?

"You called to end the engagement," Shawn spoke softly, "didn't you?"

Camila drew in a shaky breath before answering, "yes."

She waited anxiously for Shawn's reply. So far, the conversation hadn't gone at all like she had imagined. At this point, there was no telling where it would go next.

"You know I don't want that," Shawn sighed, sounding worried and upset. 

"I know," Camila whispered, "but we can't live a lie forever. I think we deserve to be happy and free. We shouldn't have to hide who we are, or who we love."

Shawn was crying now, Camila could here it in his shaky voice, "Do you really love Lauren?"

"Yes," Camila breathed out, "more than anything in the world."

There was a short silence before Shawn finally replied, "I can't force you to marry me. We can end the engagement, but just know that the repercussions will not be pretty." 

A chill ran down Camila's spine at Shawn's dark words. He sounded as conflicted as Camila felt. For a brief moment, she allowed herself to entertain the different possibilities. Each one was more horrifying than the last and Camila found herself suffocating under the potential for disaster.

"Camila? Did you hear me?" Shawn's distant voice pulled her from the dark thoughts.

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you wanted to end the engagement after all?"

Camila drew in a shaky breath and nodded. Then she remembered that he couldn't see her and she spoke, "yes." 

"Okay." Shawn trailed off, sounding defeated and scared, "I'll let our managers know. Don't worry about anything on your end, enjoy your vacation." He didn't sound bitter, but the words were tart and uncomfortable as they entered Camila's ears. 

"I'm so sorry, Shawn." Camila sighed, heartbroken but relieved. She didn't want to think about the consequences. Deep down, she knew that this was the right thing to do. 

"It's okay," Shawn breathed out through the line, "I never should have dragged you into this mess."

As they said their goodbyes, Camila felt the strangest combination of relief and dread. Her heart felt lighter, but a different weight had settled on her shoulders. All she could think about was getting back to Lauren and burying herself in the girl's arms. She would cry her eyes out for a few hours, but she would find comfort in knowing that she'd made the right choice. 

As Camila entered the hotel and made her way towards the elevator, her mind went back to their time at the butterfly pavilion. The doors to the elevator opened and she entered. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember what the tour guide had said about molting.

" _Molting is the shedding of old skin to make way for new growth. Despite what most people think, caterpillars molt several times before becoming butterflies. It's a painful and ugly process, but the end result is beautiful."_

Camila released a heavy sigh and opened her eyes. In a strange way, tonight felt a lot like her own molting. It had been excruciating to shed her old skin, but she had to. How else was she supposed to grow? 

A tired sigh fell from Camila's lips as the elevator stopped on her floor. She couldn't wait to get back to Lauren. Nothing sounded better than falling asleep in the girl's arms. Cuddling was like Advil for heartache, it had a way of easing even the worst chest pains.

Smiling softly at the thought, Camila retrieved the room key from her pocket. Before pushing the door open, she wondered if suffering through this molting meant she'd turn into a butterfly soon. 

God, she hoped so.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make me feel super warm and fuzzy inside. I love reading your thoughts and opinions, it honestly makes my day! Love you all, thanks for reading :)


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